


Be With Me

by unseenforgenerations



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: A Christmas Carol but make it Star Wars, A Fix It Fic for the Ages, ALL THE FLUFF, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety Attacks, Ben Solo Braids Hair, Ben Solo Needs A Hug, But We've Got Some Shit to Work Through First, Dry Humping, Everything Will Feel Good, F/F, F/M, Finn Needs A Hug (Star Wars), Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, JJ Abrams Can Suck It, M/M, Medium Slow Burn, Nothing Will Hurt, Panic Attacks, Poe Dameron Needs A Hug, Poe Dameron: Chaotic of Bi and Dumb of Ass, Post-Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Resolved Sexual Tension, Rey Needs A Hug, Rose Tico Needs A Hug, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Fix-It, They all need hugs, but you're gonna be happy about it, eventually, there will be smut, you're gonna suffer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-26
Updated: 2020-05-09
Packaged: 2021-02-27 21:08:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 60,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22902220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unseenforgenerations/pseuds/unseenforgenerations
Summary: With the Final Order defeated, where do Rey, Finn, Poe, and Rose go from here?How will they rebuild the Republic?How will they process their trauma?How will they handle the stages of loss?And, having sacrificed himself to save Rey, where does Ben Solo go from here?Will he go to be with his family, or is something preventing him from truly moving on?There is only one way to find out.
Relationships: Kaydel Ko Connix/Rose Tico, Kylo Ren/Rey, Poe Dameron/Finn, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey & Ben Solo | Kylo Ren, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 25
Kudos: 54





	1. Part 1: I Did Want to Take Your Hand, Chapter 1: He's Gone

**Author's Note:**

> This story starts where "The Rise of Skywalker" left off because that is not how the Skywalker saga should have ended. We are here to make it all better and provide you with real closure and catharsis. In order to do that, though, we have to work with what we've been given, so this fic is going to begin in a very sad and angsty place. But stick with us, and we promise you won't regret it.
> 
> Also, fuck JJ Abrams.

Finn was smiling and patting the backs of his comrades, but he couldn’t relax, not until he saw her for himself. He knew that the Red 5 call sign belonged to the X-Wing she was piloting, but he had felt her die. Or, at least, he thought he had. He wouldn’t allow himself to believe she was okay until she was back on the ground, back on base, back with him and Poe where she belonged. Around Finn, pilots landed, friends hugged, and rebels wept. Their victory was not without its toll. He would be restless until he was sure Rey was not among the losses.

Jannah had split off from him to check on the others, who had made it back on the lander. He caught sight of Commander D’Acy and her wife, kissing in stunned relief, and it warmed his racing heart. Finn continued to look for Rey, though, refusing to give in to the celebration just yet. Poe appeared, arm in a sling and looking slightly dazed, but he lit up when he saw Finn and engulfed Finn in a hug, a hug Finn had no idea he needed so badly, like a salve on a burn.

“I didn’t think we were going to make it…” he said. “For a moment there, I thought we’d been abandoned, that no one was coming to help.” Up close, Finn noticed the dark circles under Poe’s eyes, a symptom of constant worrying over those who looked to him to lead, usually masked by charm and aplomb. Finn knew Poe was beating himself up over the losses they’d suffered during the battle, holding himself responsible, and Finn knew it was up to him to abate that. 

“But, they did, Poe. General Calrissian says people are rising up all over the galaxy to fight against the First Order. Enough was enough. Good people fought because you led them, and good people won.”

“ _We_ led them, Finn. And, you’re right, we won the battle, the war has turned in our favor, but that doesn’t mean it’s over yet. We’ve still got a lot of work to do, and-” Poe’s eyes suddenly focused on something over Finn’s shoulder, lighting up much the way they had when he’d seen Finn, “Look…”

Poe pointed at whatever had gotten his attention. Finn spun around to see Rey weaving her way through the crowd. Relief flooded Finn’s chest and sunk into his bones. For what felt like the first time since he’d gotten off the Millennium Falcon, Finn felt his lungs inhale, releasing on a shaky breath. He ran to Rey, Poe keeping pace at his side easily. They enveloped Rey in a hug, holding each other as if they were the only people there, the only people in the entire galaxy. Finn felt Rey quake with emotion and heard sniffling which implied that Poe was clearly choked up by it all. He knew there were tears streaming down his own face, though he was so numb with the relief of the situation that he could barely feel them. They had made it. They were safe and they were together. After a long minute, though not long enough, they broke apart and looked at each other. Finn spoke first. 

“Are you hurt, Rey? You’re covered in blood, and… Look, I don’t know exactly how it happened. I think… I think it was the Force, but one second I could _feel_ you… and then suddenly you were just… gone.” A shiver ran up his spine as he recalled the sensation of what felt like Rey’s life force fading from the galaxy. Maybe he’d been mistaken. Maybe it was nothing. “You’re okay, though?”

Rey quietly tried to nod and force a smile, but the answer was clearly no. She had tears in her eyes that refused to spill over, and she was obviously rattled by something, rendered mute by its gravity. Poe stepped in, putting a hand on Finn’s shoulder, interrupting his observation of Rey’s emotional state. 

“I’ve got to go talk to Wedge and Norra. It’s my job to tell them…” he sighed, “to tell them about Snap. I’ll meet up with you later, General.” He gave a small nod and weak half-smile, placing a quick and gentle hand onto Rey’s forearm before squaring his shoulders and walking away.

Rey shot Finn a questioning look at the title Poe had addressed him with, and he almost laughed... but only almost. He was too tired to laugh. “I’ll explain later. Come on, we should get you cleaned up a bit.” He took her hand, and she wordlessly followed him through the crowd toward her quarters. Her compliance scared him. What happened to the woman who once shouted at him to stop taking her hand?

Finn led Rey to the room she shared with Rose and sat her down on the edge of her bed. He headed to the refresher and wet a rag. Sitting next to Rey, he started to gently wipe the blood and dirt from her face. Underneath, he could see that she was much too pale, her normal glow replaced by a sickly color which illustrated how unwell she was. Overwhelmed by something, Rey began to tremble violently and whimper, falling into Finn’s arms. He abandoned trying to clean her up and, instead, wrapped her in a blanket, holding her against his chest. He murmured to her quietly. She wasn’t crying, despite her body being wracked with sobs, and Finn was terrified. He figured she must be in some sort of shock. With no other idea of how to help, he just held her tight until she managed to breathe somewhat normally again. He kept her close, afraid that if he let her go, she’d fall apart.

“Rey,” he said quietly into her hair, “Rey, what happened to you?”  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
 _Deep breaths. In and out. Deep breaths. Keep your shoulders up. Steel yourself. You can do this. You're a general of the Resistance. Don't think about the fact that this is your first day—_

_Nope... too late._

Poe kept up this feeble pep talk in his head as he crossed the congested Resistance base. The forest and clearings were being taken over by the motley crew of ships Lando had found to assist them in their hour of need. But, Poe wasn't looking for a ship. He was looking for one of the men who had answered Lando's call. A man who was about to be destroyed by the news Poe had to deliver to him. _Don't think about that either..._

 _Too late._

He approached Commander D'Acy, who was directing troops around the base. Before he could ask her about Wedge, she took his uninjured hand in hers, all the warmth in the galaxy radiating from her hold. 

"Well done, General Dameron. General Organa…” She paused, dropping formality for a moment to tighten her grip on Poe’s hand and look him meaningfully in the eye. “ _Leia_ would have been so proud of you."

The lump in Poe's throat swelled until he wasn't sure he could speak at all. So, he didn’t risk it. He simply nodded at her, willing away the tears that had begun to form in his eyes. He knew that, if he started crying, he was not going to be able to stop, and he had to get through the rest of his duties before breaking down. 

"Thank you, Commander. Have you seen the Falcon? I'm looking for Wedge and Norra." 

D'Acy gave him a reassuring smile and pointed him to the freighter on the outskirts of the flight field, a knowing and empathetic look in her eye. 

Poe muttered his thanks and made short work of the distance between him and the ship. He had to make it to Wedge and Norra before he lost his nerve. Poe owed Snap that final respect, to have his family notified by his commanding officer. Even though Poe’s mother hadn't died in combat, he remembered the small comfort he and his father had found in the letter they’d received from Leia upon her passing. It had been 25 years since then, since he lost his mother, but the memory still stung as if it were yesterday. 

Poe locked onto Wedge first. He was helping Lando check on the Falcon while Norra and Chewbacca unloaded the rest of the supplies from onboard. Blonde hair flashed across Poe's line of vision as he heard a female voice call, "Norra! Wedge!" 

Karé Kun ran into Norra's arms, letting out an exasperated laugh as they smiled into each other’s hair. Poe could hardly bear to look, to see up close the happiness that he was about to destroy. He swallowed against the lump in his throat for the second time, unsure if it would ever leave or if he would be on the verge of tears for the rest of his life. At least, with Snap’s wife here, they'd get the news together.

Karé turned and saw Poe first, greeting him with a smile, which warped into a look of concern as she took in his injured arm.

“There you are, General Dameron!” She tried not to smirk as she addressed him with his new title, walking in his direction. “I was hoping I’d have the chance to speak with you. I’m sorry I had to turn back during the battle, but my ship took a bad hit early on, and I banged my head. I was sick with worry being unable to help, not knowing how we were doing, but we did it! ” 

Karé seemed dazed and when she turned her head to look around the base, Poe could see the bacta patch on her forehead. _She must have a concussion_ , he reasoned, _Or she would have immediately asked about—_

“Where’s Temmin?” asked Norra, coming to stand at Karé’s side. Norra’s gaze began to roam around the base. Poe’s stomach curled, bile rising to mingle with the lump already present in his throat, knowing she would never find what her eyes were searching for.

“Did you send Snap to mop up, Poe? I suppose, if you’re going to impose your newfound authority as a general onto anyone, it might as well be our boy. He could use the discipline, couldn’t he, Norra?” Wedge laughed and clapped a hand on Poe’s uninjured shoulder playfully as he came to join his wife and daughter-in-law. All of them, all of their eyes looking at him, it made Poe feel like running. Running for the Outer Rim and never looking back. Anything to save him from being the one to damage this family, to change their lives irrevocably, to tell them how tremendously they’d been affected by the tide of war, how it had swept up and washed away the person they loved. 

But, stronger than the urge to run was a voice inside him asking, “What would Leia do?” He knew the answer, and it gave him the strength he needed to continue, to do what was required of him.

Karé seemed to be the first who noticed that something was off with Poe. It made sense. They’d been trained together, grown together. She _knew_ him. It wasn’t fair that he had to do this to her, had to do this to a friend, someone he cared deeply for. Her hands began to shake and her lip trembled as she demanded answers from him. “Poe, where is Snap? Is he okay?” The realization that her husband wasn’t with his parents had just hit her, and he could tell that she was beginning to panic. Poe couldn’t let her go on that way. He took a deep breath and looked the family in the eyes.

“Karé, Norra, Wedge. I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but…” Poe’s hands tightened into fists as he bolstered himself. “Snap went down in the attack on Exegol.” 

“Went down?” cried Karé. “Did he eject? Is he hurt? Did they take him to the med bay?” She made to turn and head towards it, but Poe gently caught her arm.

“He died in the fighting, Karé.” Poe felt tears spilling unbidden from his eyes, his voice quivering with the weight of his own words. He cleared his throat, collecting himself, and pushed forward with all the strength he had left. When he spoke next, his voice came out resolute, the voice of a general. “They shot down his ship, and he went down with it. He died a hero, and he will be honored as one.” It was completely quiet, the three people standing in front of him holding in a singular, shared breath, hoping this would all be a dream. “...I’m so sorry.”

Karé’s sob broke the silence as her knees gave out, and Norra took her from Poe’s arms, embracing her, tears falling inaudibly down her own face. Norra was being strong for Karé. Norra was always so strong. Poe couldn’t watch any more, so he shifted his gaze, but ended up catching it on Wedge, who seemed to be in shock. Poe took half a step forward before Wedge sank to the ground and let out a heart wrenching wail of grief and pain. 

“Not our son,” he sobbed. “Please… not our son.”

Norra, the only one who could still speak, turned to Poe, working to hold back sobs, her voice only faltering for a moment, a moment so short that most would not have noticed it. “Th-thank you, General. May our family have some time alone?”

“Of course. Please. Whatever you need… let me know.” He reached out his hand to… he wasn’t sure what, but he quickly realized that, whatever comfort he offered, it would be futile. They could only find solace in each other now. 

He dropped his hand.

Excusing himself, Poe began walking towards the area which had acted as Leia’s office, his body moving almost mechanically. 

It still didn’t feel right, being in her space. He half expected her to burst in and yell at him about taking risks. Poe turned to where Leia's body had lay…. but found her body gone, the sheet left behind. She’d passed into the Force. She’d found peace.

Only then did he allow the tears to flow freely, sobs wracking his body. At that moment, the commanding general of the Resistance began to weep.   
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
“Rey, what happened to you?”

She wasn’t sure how long it had been since Finn had asked her that question. Time seemed to stretch itself out, slowing to an agonizing pace, prolonging all the pain and exhaustion she was feeling. She lay there, her head in Finn’s lap, staring at the wall, Finn’s hand gently stroking her shoulder while he waits for her to answer.  
  
But she doesn’t know how.  
  
Her throat is dry, burning, as if her misery somehow grew claws and tried scraping its way out of her body through her mouth. Her mind feels empty, blank, and part of her wishes it truly were, that she could forget all she had endured in the past few days in order to escape what was plaguing her now: loss, regret, nostalgia for all that could’ve been. And she would. She would forget it all… if not for _those_ moments. The moments where, for the first time in her life, Rey had felt complete, whole, _balanced_.  
  
She tried to think back, to figure out exactly where to start, where Finn lost track of her, until it finally hit her: the Death Star. The ruins. The way she’d thrown him through the air. She needed to apologize. She needed to—  
  
Rey’s left hand reached out for Finn’s, and she gestured to her throat with her right, sputtering and rasping as she tried and failed to vocalize. She was so thirsty. Finn quickly realized what she needed and lifted her head off his lap, moving from the bed and across the room to the ‘fresher. He returned a moment later, a cup filled with water in his hand, and sat back down on the bed, encouraging Rey to sit up so she could drink. She obliged him, taking long pulls of water and emptying the cup in seconds. Carelessly tossing the cup to the ground and wiping away the water that hadn’t made it into her mouth with the back of her wrist, she took a moment to catch her breath before finally lifting her gaze to meet Finn’s. His eyes were filled with so much concern, such distress over her current state, and guilt burned low in her stomach, making her woozy. Finn’s concern magnified, and he took Rey’s hand again, brushing his thumb across the back of it reassuringly.  
  
Teardrops hemmed her vision, and her voice cracked as she spoke. “F-Finn, I’m… I’m s-so sorry. What I did, th-throwing you, using the Force against you like that. I can’t b-believe that I—”  
  
“Rey, it’s okay. I’m not mad about that. It wasn’t your fault. It was Ren.” Rey’s anger flared at Finn’s words, the haphazard stitches on the wound inside her opening with renewed vigor. But how could he know? How could he realize that he shouldn’t bring up—  
  
_Don’t be afraid of who you are.  
  
_She shook her head, returning to the present moment, and took an unsteady breath, willing her voice to level itself out so that she could explain herself, explain everything. “No, Finn. It was _me_. I’m… I’m not who you think I am. Palpatine—” Rey swallowed thickly. This would be the first time she admitted it to anyone who didn’t already know. She needed to get it over with. The words came out in a rush. “Palpatine is my grandfather, Finn. My father was his son.” She paused to check in with Finn, gauge his reaction. His eyebrows had risen almost comically on his forehead, but he didn’t seem to have experienced a mental break, so that was a plus. “My parents knew how evil Palpatine was. After he found out they had a daughter, he sent Ochi to come and capture me, to bring me to him. He wanted to train me. He wanted me to join him. So, my mother and father hid me on Jakku. Sold me to Unkar Platt to try to keep me safe. When they wouldn’t tell Ochi where I was… he killed them with the Sith dagger. The first time I held it, I could sense their deaths—”  
  
“You said terrible things happened with that knife,” he interjected.  
  
Rey nodded and continued, strengthened by his apparent understanding of what she was telling him and lack of the disgust she’d expected, “I was angry at Palpatine for having my parents killed. I felt responsible. They had died for _me_ , and…” She squeezed his hand tighter, fortifying herself. “Anyway, I ended up flying to Exegol with absolutely no plan, just this maddening desire to hurt him, to… kill him.”  
  
Finn tried to school his face, but Rey saw him flinch, infinitesimal as it was. The image he had of Rey as this perfect, saintly individual was being perverted and, even though she was never that girl, could never be that girl, in this moment, she mourned for her.  
  
“I know you don’t think that sounds like me, Finn, but it is. I…” She sighed. “There’s a part of me that is Dark, Finn, that thrives on Darkness, that’s angry and passionate and violent and—It’s not new. It’s always been there, but exploring my powers, expanding my strength with the Force, it… it unlocked something inside me that enhanced all of that, all the ugly parts of me.” As she spoke, she recalled the Dark version of herself that had confronted her on the Death Star, the snarling creature with razor sharp teeth and a red saber. Banishing the apparition, she continued on, “And, I’m not ashamed of those things, Finn. I’m not. It’s natural to feel those things. I just have to work harder to keep it in check, so that I don’t lose control and end up hurting anyone.”  
  
He’d been silently nodding as she said all of this, absorbing her words, genuinely listening to her. After a few seconds, he opened his mouth, thought better of it, thought better of thinking better of it, and opened his mouth up again. “Like when we thought you’d killed Chewie.”  
  
It was Rey’s turn to flinch. “Yes, Finn, just like that.” He resumed his ministrations with her hand, brushing his thumb over it and tightening his grip, letting her know that she didn’t scare him, that he wasn’t going to run away… that he wasn’t going to leave her. Maybe he understood better than she thought. She remembered him speaking of the Force recently, and saying he thought he sensed her in it. Rey would have to ask him about that, but now wasn’t the time.

She cleared her throat and went on, “I flew to Exegol to face Palpatine. When I arrived, though, he was pleased to see me. He’d been waiting for me, hoping I would come. I found him in a giant throne room filled with these Dark shadowy figures. It made my skin crawl. Then, I saw him. My grandfather. He wasn’t alive, he was just… undead, rotting flesh and cloudy eyes, only being sustained by some machine these mad Sith scientists had him hooked up to—”  
  
“This is absolutely nauseating to imagine; I have to tell you.” Finn was grimacing, similar to how Poe had reacted to Ochi’s bones on Pasaana. They were both so karking dramatic. A match made in heaven, really.  
  
Rey rolled her eyes, countering, “It was even more nauseating to witness, believe me.”  
  
He laughed, and it was barely a laugh, but it was just enough to remind Rey that everything was going to be okay. Despite all that she’d lost, she still had so much. She still had her best friend. It gave her the strength she needed to finish her tale.

“So, Palpatine was a walking nightmare. Go on,” Finn prompted.  
  
“Right. To make a long story short, Palpatine _wanted_ me to kill him. He wanted me to strike him down and take his place as a vessel for all the Sith lords of the past. I’m not sure how it worked; we didn’t really get into logistics, but I assume it had something to do with me being his grandchild. The transfer must require a direct descendant for the Sith to attach themselves to once the current vessel has been cut down.” The furrow in Finn’s brow deepened as he tried to digest the insanity that just left her mouth. Insanity that somehow also managed to be completely true. “I told him I wouldn’t do it, that no matter how much he or anyone tried to get me to give into my hatred, I wouldn’t. But, then… he opened up a skylight in his throne room and showed me the battle that was raging between you and the Final Order. He showed me how hopelessly outnumbered and outgunned we were, and he made me an offer. He promised that, if I gave into my hatred and took his place, he would call off his fleet and allow the Resistance to survive, to escape. After that, it was no question, Finn. I would’ve done anything, anything he asked, to save all of you.” Rey thought of all the people she’d come to care for since Finn found her on Jakku. She thought of Chewie, the closest thing she’d ever had to a parent, always worrying over her but never being able to tell her no. She thought of Poe with his breathtaking, contagious smile and quick wit. She thought of Rose, the first girlfriend she’d ever had and, somedays, the only person who was able to understand her. She even thought of Connix, who pretended she was all business, who tried so hard not to let anyone know how much she cared but always failed. She thought of Beebee-ate, Artoo, Threepio, and now Dee-Oh. She thought of all this and realized how true her statement had been. There is nothing she wouldn’t do for them, to protect them, to secure their happiness. They were her family. She even thought of those she had lost, those who had given everything. Gruff but lovable Han Solo, who entrusted her with his ship. Grumpy and cynical Luke, who returned to the Force with peace and purpose, and Leia...  
  
Finn broke her out of her reverie. “But you didn’t do it, Rey. If it had been me in your place, I don’t know what I would’ve done. I would’ve been paralyzed with fear. You, though… you’re a hero. You always have been. And because you’re a hero, you didn’t go through with it. Instead, you defeated Palpatine without compromise and saved all our lives.” His eyes reflected so much affection and admiration. It floated through the air and seeped into her skin, radiating from within. There were nights on Jakku, just after the sun would set, where the lingering heat from the day mixed with the cool air of the burgeoning evening and washed over her like this, like the warmth that came from knowing how loved she was by her best friend. 

“I do still have some questions, though..”  
  
“Mm?”  
  
“How did you do it? How did you defeat him without completing the ritual, the spooky Sith vessel exchange?”  
  
“Ah, that…” Rey looked away, afraid of the turn this line of questioning could take. What could she say? How could she respond without revealing too much? She couldn’t very well tell him it was none of his business. He’d asked her what happened, and she’d already opened up to him. It wouldn’t be fair to hide from him now. “Well, I had help.”  
  
When she didn’t elaborate, Finn gestured forward with both his hands, encouraging her to continue. “From who, Rey?”  
  
The open wound inside her was vulnerable again, her mind veering in a direction which threatened to undo her chaotic patchwork like a psychological seam ripper. _He_ was there, in the periphery of her senses, a loose thread begging to be pulled, so close to unraveling her composure. If she wanted to, she could see him so clearly, and if she was being honest with herself, she _did_ want to. But, she _couldn’t_. Not without losing her last semblance of control. So, she pushed him away, put up a wall, and refused to let him in. “The Jedi. All the Jedi of the past contacted me from their place in the Cosmic Force and lent me their strength. I was finally able to reach them, Finn.”  
  
“No kriffing way! That’s so amazing, Rey.” His eyes were lit up, like a child hearing a bedtime story that did everything but make them want to go to sleep, but the light didn’t last. It was snuffed out by a sobering darkness as he said, “There’s still one thing I don’t understand, Rey. I thought—” He inhaled sharply. “I thought you… It felt like… I couldn’t _feel_ you anymore. I was terrified. What… What happened after?”  
  
The delicate sutures on her heart burst open and all the hopes she had for moving on and forgetting were dashed in an instant because _he_ was no longer in the periphery of her senses; he was overwhelming them. He was _there.  
_  
He was there, reaching out to her through their bond, letting her know she wasn’t alone. His eyes were boring into hers, and they _were_ his, but they were also… different, new, and devastatingly beautiful. They were luminescent, the purest Light scattering from them, filling her vision with kaleidoscopic hues of complete and utter devotion. The sensation of fight or flight that usually came with his presence dissipated, clearing away like fog and allowing her to see him at his core, to see his soul, an ethereal effigy which had eluded her for so long. On Ach-To, when she’d gone into the cave and come face to face with herself, she had seen her own soul. Looking at his now, unadulterated and wholesome, she could say with complete certainty… they were the same. She couldn’t believe that _he_ was there.  
  
He was there, fighting alongside her, their bodies moving in complete synchronicity.  
  
He was there, facing down the man who had haunted his entire life, facing his own torment without question or pause because it meant saving her.  
  
He was there, sharing her agony as her grandfather syphoned the life force of their bond, draining them to the point of unconsciousness.  
  
He was there, holding her as she woke up, exhausted from using all her energy to rid the galaxy of the last remaining Sith while he was incapacitated.  
  
He was there, staring at her as if she were all that mattered, rubbing the back of her neck and holding her hand, and it felt so _right_ , holding his hand.  
  
He was there.  
  
_Ben_.  
  
For that moment, the rest of the galaxy faded away, and all she knew was him. She could feel him. But suddenly, all she could think was that she needed to feel more.  
  
And then she was kissing him. And his lips were soft but so urgent. And his arms, his strong arms were holding her tightly, the press of his chest to hers promising safety and _home_. And he smelled like earth and sweat and something she couldn’t name, something saccharine and intoxicating and undeniably _him_. And his feelings were passing through the bond, pulsing in her mind, assuring her that this was all affecting him just as profoundly.  
  
And then they were breaking apart. He was gazing at her again with so much awe as if he couldn’t believe that she was actually there, having chosen to kiss him, smiling at him, finally taking his hand.  
  
And then he smiled _that_ smile. The first smile of his that she’d ever witnessed. The most heartbreaking and spectacular smile. She could see his teeth, slightly crooked but so, so charming. He had _dimples_. All she wanted was to see that smile every day for the rest of her life. For the briefest moment, she realized she _could_.  
  
But then his smile was faltering. And his eyes were drooping closed. And his hold was loosening. And his body was going slack. And he was lying on the ground in front of her, unmoving.  
  
And then he was gone.  
  
And Rey never knew anything could ache like this.  
  
And Rey remembered where she was, _when_ she was, that Ben was only there in her memories.  
  
Finn was shouting something, but she hadn’t quite regained her hearing, still coming back into herself, even though she didn’t want to. She wanted to stay with Ben. They were supposed to have time.  
 _  
_ “REY!” Finn’s voice was hoarse, and his hands were on her arms, shaking her, but her eyes were still glazed over, tears streaming from them against her will. Her legs were curled up to her chest, her arms wrapped around them. She was shaking again. Absently, she noticed that it wasn’t just her body. The entire room was shaking, dust falling from the ceiling, objects flying off her bedside table and crashing to the floor, furniture floating up into the air. Chaos reigned as Rey’s composure finally snapped and her grief broke free. “Rey, what’s happening? Talk to me!”  
  
“He’s gone.” Her eyes snapped to Finn’s. Her face scrunched up as she frowned, a deep, anguished frown. “I d-don’t know w-why. I p-passed out, then I w-woke up, and now… He’s gone.”  
  
“Who is gone, Rey? I don’t understand. Please, I want to understand. Let me help you!”  
  
“He’s gone. He’s gone. He’s gone. He’s gone. He’s gone. He’s gone. He’s gone. He’s gone.” She carried on this way for so long, until she lost her voice entirely. She chanted it over and over again because she had to make herself accept it. He was gone.  
  
_Then why can I still feel him?  
_  
Finn had left the room at some point in the middle of her chorus and, when he returned, he brought Rose with him.  
  
Rey heard Rose speak, so sure of herself but so kind, so compassionate, and it soothed something inside her. “Lie her down. We need to ground her. She needs to breathe.” Rose’s voice got closer, right by Rey’s ear. “Stay with me, baby. I won’t let you drown.”  
  
Rey fought for air, tried to keep breathing, as the exhaustion overtook her. Finn had barely laid her down before she was asleep.  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
Less than a year ago, the whole Resistance fit on the Millenium Falcon. Now, they’d barely be able to fit their allies on a Star Destroyer. Rose hadn’t been able to see much of the celebration, only managing a hug with Chewbacca before taking Connix to the Med Bay. Kaydel would be fine, she’d just taken a bad shot to the leg on the Star Destroyer. It was only a flesh wound. Rose had offered to stay with her while she was treated, but she insisted Rose go and see the others. Either unwilling or unable to say no to Kaydel, Rose promised to leave and reunite with their friends. 

She took a brief detour, though, stopping to look out over the base and take in their achievement. It was flooded with people, kissing, sobbing, wounded. They had done it. They had inspired an uprising, a revolution throughout the entire galaxy. Rose lifted a hand to touch her necklace. Paige would be so proud of them, of her. She’d be out there among the masses, singing off key and drinking her fill, probably trying to get into somebody’s pants because Paige knew how short life could be. Rose knew that now, too. There were losses to be accounted for and so much work left to be done, but the battle was won. 

Rose turned away from the display and headed inside the base but was quickly interrupted by the sound of running footsteps. Finn came racing in her direction, looking frantic. 

“Rose, where’s Chewie?!” He shouted, skidding to a stop in front of her, pure, unadulterated fear in his eyes.

“He’s assisting Lando with the ships. What’s wrong, Finn?”

“I need his help!” 

“Finn, slow down. Tell me what’s wrong.” She pleaded, her heart beginning to pick up speed as his fear became her own. They were all supposed to be celebrating; what had him so terrified?

“It’s Rey. She’s…. She’s in bad shape, Rose. I don’t know what’s wrong but she’s—”

Rose didn’t wait to hear the end of his sentence. She took off for the room she and Rey shared at a dead sprint. Finn followed, his breath ragged from keeping up with her breakneck pace. She stopped suddenly at the entrance to the room. The door was rattling on its hinges, vibrating violently, as if an ion drive were firing on the other side. She glanced at Finn, who nodded gravely, before taking a calming breath and opening the door. 

The scene that greeted her was horrifying. Rey was sitting on her bed, knees pulled to her chest, shuddering fiercely, but... it wasn’t just Rey. The whole room trembled along with her, and things were actually _flying_. But, Rose could handle this. It wasn’t her first time dealing with a nervous breakdown. After losing her sister, Rose completely collapsed, and she’d had no one else to see her through it. It was obvious Rey’s episode was induced by something similar to what she’d experienced. Perhaps the most upsetting aspect of this situation was Rey’s usual independence morphing into total helplessness at the hands of her grief. Rey never needed anyone. She never asked for help and was used to doing things on her own. Whatever happened to her had affected her so extremely that she no longer could. If something had made Rey, of all people, go to pieces like this… it must have been truly unbearable. 

Rose knew the only way to get the mayhem to stop was to soothe Rey, so she kept her voice sure and calm despite her alarm and unease. “Lie her down. We need to ground her. She needs to breathe.” Finn helped Rey lie down as Rose climbed into the bed with her. She stroked Rey’s hair, murmuring, “Stay with me, baby. I won’t let you drown,” and continued whispering to Rey until her breathing settled, her sorrow giving way to sleep. 

Unfortunately, Rey remained restless, even in dreams. Exhaustion had shut her body down, but her mind was still very much awake, her forehead clammy with sweat. She twitched and whimpered. Rose combed her fingers through Rey’s hair, gently scratching her scalp, and looked to Finn. “What happened?” 

“She was telling me about Exegol. Then, she just started yelling, ‘He’s gone,’ and lost it. That’s when things started shaking and floating!” His voice had gone up in pitch gradually as he relayed this to her, his stress evident. 

Rose’s gaze remained even, and she hoped her dulcet tone would help to calm him down the way it seemed to have calmed Rey. “She’s in shock, Finn. I don’t think she could control it.” 

“Yeah... It was just scary, you know? To see her like that.”

“I _do_ know. The aftermath of this war is only beginning, Finn. It’s going to take a lot of work to ensure our success. Healing the galaxy.” She looked at Rey and sighed, gently passing the back of her hand over her friend’s face, dusted with freckles and set in a deep frown. “Healing ourselves.”

She slid down to the foot of the bed and started to work Rey’s boots off her feet.Then, to avoid disturbing her sleeping friend, Rose slowly and carefully undid the buckles of Rey’s holster, removing the blaster from her thigh. Rey continued to fuss in her sleep, pulling away from the touch. Rose crossed the room to put the belongings in their proper place. Finn took her spot on the bed, rubbing slow circles onto Rey’s back, staring down at her like he was scared to look away, like, if he did, she might disappear. 

“I’ll stay with her tonight… Rose, you can take my room if you want,” Finn offered. 

Rose scoffed, “I don’t want to be alone either, Finn.” She crossed her arms and scuffed the ground in front of her with her boot, her gaze dropping to observe it. 

Before either of them could say more, the door opened, and Poe stepped in. Rose had never seen him look so... despondent. His left arm was still in a sling, the pain he was in showing all over his features, blaringly bright. His eyes were clearly swollen, dark circles creating deep valleys underneath them. With a jolt, she realized he’d been crying. Rose quickly crossed to embrace him. He sagged against her, as if the weight of his responsibilities were too much for him to stand. She guided him to the edge of her bed, and he sat without needing any encouragement. Finn covered Rey with a blanket and moved to sit near Poe, wrapping his arms around the other man. Poe melted into Finn’s touch, resting his head on Finn’s chest and putting his good arm around Finn’s waist. 

“Where did you go?” Rose asked him. 

Poe took a deep breath. “Snap Wexley died in the fight. I went to tell his family. They’re... pretty broken up.”  
  
“Snap?” Rose hadn’t been the closest to him, but there were no distant relationships when it came to the Resistance. They were all a part of each other. She ached to lose any of them. But, she would have her moment to mourn later. This moment was about Poe. She walked up to him and took his hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “I’m so sorry.” 

He let out a short and uncharacteristic whine. Rose thought he may have been crying into Finn’s shoulder, but then he responded to her, “And that’s the only notification I have even been able to make, Rose… I still don’t know exactly how many we lost. So many people came in… I lost track. We’ll have to take stock of all our ships and see—”

“Shhh,” Finn soothed. “That can wait ‘til tomorrow, Poe. You need some rest…” He looked Poe over then. “...and to do something about your arm.” 

Rose slipped over to locate her medpac, pulling out a bacta patch. “You should really go to the med bay, Poe. That looks nasty.”

He waved his good arm toward her dismissively. “I will tomorrow. They’ve got worse cases to deal with right now. I’m fine.” 

Rose handed the bacta patch over to Finn and went to check on Rey again. She gently untied her three buns, letting the chestnut locks fall free. Rey’s breath hitched in her sleep as she curled into a ball. “Don’t leave me,” she cried quietly. Rose didn’t know who she was talking to, but it broke her heart. 

Turning around, she saw Poe, bacta patch newly applied, with his head on Finn’s chest again. He was exhausted. They all were. Most of them had been up for more than a standard day. “Why don’t we all stay here tonight?” Rose suggested. “None of us want to be alone.” She looked down at the beautiful, tired girl lying in front of her. “Rey _can’t_ be alone.” 

Poe seemed to snap out of his trance at the mention of Rey. He dragged his feet across the room and sat at the edge of Rey’s bed, taking her hand.

Rey, still asleep, whispers, “He’s gone. He left me. He’s gone.”

“What’s wrong? Is she alright?” Poe asks, his voice thick with concern as he looks up at Rose and Finn with wide eyes. 

“I’m not entirely sure,” Finn admits. “Physically? She’s just asleep. She’s wiped out, but she seems to be fine. Emotionally?” He shrugs.

“What did she tell you?” Rose prompts. 

Finn sighs. “She ran to face Palpatine alone. That’s where she went when she left the Death Star after fighting with Ren.”

“Alone?”

“Yes. I don’t know what happened to Ren. He probably went down with the Final Order. Rey made it off the Death Star and decided to go fight Palpatine, but… it gets worse. Rey is his granddaughter.”

“What? How is that possible?” Rose is sure she couldn’t have heard him right.

“Her father, the one Ochi went to find on Jakku? He was Palpatine's son. He had his own son and his wife killed because they hid Rey from him. That’s what she could feel when she picked up the Sith Dagger. She felt her parents die protecting her.”

“Caraya’s soul,” Rose breathed, stunned with disbelief. She knew too well the hurt that came from knowing your family died to keep you safe. She’d never wish that pain or guilt on anyone. 

“Yeah. She said she’s been fighting the pull of the Dark side for a long time. Palpatine wanted her to strike him down, so the Sith could possess her. Some freaky ritual. They wanted her to rule them, be their Empress—”

“But she didn’t, she couldn’t…” Poe interjected, throwing a worried look at Rey. 

“No, of course not. She got close, though, only because Palpatine showed her that our fleet was dying and promised to spare us if she did it… She was willing to fall to the Darkness if it would save us.”

Rose felt her eyes fill with tears, her chin wobbling. Rey had to be the bravest, strongest person she knew, and Rose was lucky enough to be her friend. Whatever it took, she would pull Rey out of this spiral. Rey would do it for her.

Finn continued, “She didn’t end up having to do it, though. The Jedi… they helped her somehow. And she defeated him with their power. After that, I’m not sure what happened. Rey said she passed out and then…” He sighed. “She got hysterical. She could only tell me that he was gone. I don’t know who, but that’s all she said. That’s when her Force powers started wreaking havoc.” He turned to address Poe specifically, “I didn’t know what else to do, so I rushed to find Chewie. I ran into Rose, so she came in and helped get her to calm down. It was amazing. Honestly.” He gave Rose a heartfelt smile.

Rey cried out in her sleep again, a frightened sound. Finn got to his feet, ready to go to her, and Rose saw the indecision in his eyes. He needed to take care of Rey, but he wanted to comfort Poe, too.

 _He would split himself in two if it meant he could make them both happy,_ she mused.

“Help me with this,” she commanded, gesturing to the other bed. Finn helped Rose pull the second bed flush against the first, making more room. He quickly caught on to what Rose was trying to do,so he helped Poe up from the bed and out of his sling. They all slid into bed, surrounding Rey, their closeness acting as a blanket to shield them from their trauma, from the horrors they’d experienced. As Rose watched, Finn settled Rey against his chest, pulling her tight against him. This seemed to assuage whatever heartache was infecting her dreams. Maybe she’d finally be able to sleep soundly. Rose curled up against Rey’s back. They had slept like this in the past when nightmares kept either one of them up, the other noticing their bunkmate tossing and turning. Poe was already dozing off against Finn, his hurt arm draped across the younger man’s body.

Rose heard Poe’s breathing slow first, signalling that he’d fallen asleep, then Finn’s. She lay there, her heart bursting with pride and sorrow at what they had achieved and what they had lost. Tomorrow would bring more work, she knew. Ships had to be fixed and rosters checked…

And in the middle of composing her to-do list, Rose fell asleep.   
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
 _The first thing he notices when he wakes up is how quiet it is. He’s lying on the ground or, at least, he_ thinks _he is. He’s not sure because he can’t actually feel the ground. There’s no surface, nothing solid for him to find purchase on, but somehow, he knows it’s there, holding him up, keeping him from plunging into the void. It’s neither warm nor cold. It just_ is _. He sits up and opens his eyes, and it’s dark, so incredibly dark but, in front of him, he can see what appears to be various walkways and doorways, effulgent, providing the only source of light in this strange place._

 _Ben thought he had died, had felt himself dying, and he was sure that he had begun to pass into the Cosmic Force but, if that were the case, why was he all alone?_ Was _he all alone? Did he have to pick one of these doorways and walk through in order to complete his transition?_

_The uncertainty of his circumstances—on top of the absolute quiet bleeding into his now nauseatingly empty mind—augmented his anxiety to an excruciating degree. He’d spent the greater majority of his life with voices in his head, constantly overshadowing his own thoughts, advising him, instructing him, coddling him, chastising him, threatening him, insulting him, filling his every waking moment and, sometimes, even filling his dreams, warping them into nightmares. He hadn’t known quiet like this for almost twenty years. It was more than unsettling, it was… agonizing. His mind felt like an empty stomach trying to eat itself._

_He was trying to figure out a way to break the silence when he felt it. A nudge at the back of his mind. Over the past year, he’d felt this nudge countless times. But this wasn’t the pull he felt when she would purposefully reach out to him through the bond, like a knock on a door. No, this was more like bumping into someone while you weren’t paying attention. This was something that happened when their minds wandered to each other unbidden, when they couldn’t help it. It was_ her _._

 _And it made no_ sense _._

_He was supposed to be dead, so how was she contacting him, even if unintentionally? It shouldn’t be possible, and it worried him. Had something happened to her?_

_Since she hadn’t opened the bond fully, hadn’t meant to get his attention, he didn’t want to disturb her by making himself known, so he pulled back the partition just enough to get a sense of her surroundings. She was in the X-Wing, Luke’s X-Wing, landing on Ajan Kloss at the Resistance base. She’d made it back okay. The cockpit door opened above her, and she quickly descended. She turned, walking aimlessly, her eyes searching, barely acknowledging the cheering people around her until she found what she was looking for. It was her friends. She was relieved. They looked relieved, too. She ran into their arms and embraced them, her relief now mingling with comfort._

_He cut the feed._

_Rey was safe, and she was with her friends. Finn and Poe. Chewbacca. Maz. They would all care for her now._

_When he decided to save Rey, to give his life for her on Exegol, he’d thought of what his life would be like if he couldn’t do it, if it didn’t work, if she was truly gone. Without Rey, there was nothing left for him. He had nowhere to go. No one was waiting for Ben. No one wanted him. The galaxy was much better off without him._

_But,_ Rey _. The galaxy needed her. People were waiting for her to come home. She deserved to live a long, full life where she wouldn’t have to fight anymore, where she could just_ be _. He wanted that for her._

_He’d never felt fear like he felt when he held Rey’s lifeless body in his arms._

_And he’d never felt happiness like he felt when she woke up. She took his hand and looked into his eyes, and she saw him, really_ saw _him. He thought it might be the first time anyone had ever seen him for who he truly was. Then, she said his name, breathless, almost a whisper, as if it was precious to her. And she kissed him. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d smiled, but he smiled at her as he felt his life slip away._

_He wouldn’t have wanted to go any other way than that._

_But he_ was _gone, and he needed to let her go. Maybe that’s what was keeping him in this place. Maybe he had to fully remove himself from the equation in order to pass on._

_He closed the bond. He would keep it locked tight._

_Brought back to his puzzling new reality, he decided to start walking, take a look around, get to know the place. He wasn’t sure how far or how long he walked, but it was long enough and far enough for him to learn that he wasn’t alone._

_Ben sees a woman standing some distance away from him. He squints to make out her features and can’t believe his eyes._

_“Mom?”_

_The woman turns and smiles. She seems glad to see him, but upon further investigation, he knows his assumption was a little wide of the mark. Ben feels disappointment that dissolves into curiosity._

_“You’re not my mother. Who are you?”_  
  
_Her smile persists as she walks closer to him. Her gait is elegant and confident, despite her small stature. It feels familiar, reminiscent of the woman he’d initially mistaken her for. She reaches out a hand, letting it hang mid-air as she raises an_ _eyebrow in question. She’s asking for permission. Ben nods hesitantly, his curiosity_ _getting the best of him. There’s part of him that feels like he knows her. Her presence soothes the panic he felt upon waking in an unknown place, as if her presence isn’t as strange to him as their surroundings. Being in her presence somehow feels like coming home._

_She places her suspended hand onto his shoulder and gently pulls him down into her arms. Ben is so much larger than her that it would probably appear quite humorous to anyone on the outside looking in, like an ewok attempting to embrace a wookie. She releases him after a moment, and he finds himself wishing the moment could have gone on a bit longer. Then, her eyes are boring into his, that smile still hanging on her face. Ben knows those eyes._

_They’re his._

_“Hello, Ben. My name is Padmé Amidala. I’m your grandmother.”_


	2. Part 1: I Did Want to Take Your Hand, Chapter 2: I Just Wanted to Save You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The leaders of the Resistance continue to process the events that occurred, not just over the past few days, but over the past year or so. Rose struggles to hold everyone else together while Finn focuses on Rey, whose mind is becoming more dangerous with each passing moment. Chewie enters the picture, and Poe begins to spiral out of control. Will they hold it together?
> 
> And, in a strange new place, Ben is introduced to his grandmother, Padmé Amidala. Where are they? And will they remain alone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who read the first chapter! If you liked it, we hope you make it back to us and enjoy this update! If you're new, welcome! We're so happy to have you.

“Rose?”

A familiar voice cut through Rose’s sleepy mind. She felt a small, warm hand on her shoulder as she opened her eyes, still pressed against Rey’s back. On the other side of the bed, she saw Poe and Finn stirring. Kaydel Connix was next to the bed, hands on her hips and looking expectant. Her leg seemed to be healed; she was putting weight on it. Rose smiled up at her and Kaydel’s mouth ticked up slightly in response, a warm, secret thing that you’d have to actively be looking for in order to catch. Luckily, Rose was.

“Hi, Kay. What time is it?”

“Early morning.”

Rose sat up with a start. “Did you spend all night in the medbay by yourself? I’m so sorry, I would have stayed with you. I—”

“No point. My leg was worse than they thought, and I had some other minor injuries, so they put me in a bacta tank for a bit, then I just slept it off. I’m perfectly fine, Rose.” She didn’t realize how badly she’d needed to hear Kaydel say those words… or how badly she’d needed to hear Kaydel say her name. “But the generals are needed in the situation room.”

Rose tore her eyes from Kaydel to look over at her companions. Poe was sitting on the edge of the bed, already lacing his boots up, which put a smile on her face. A life spent in the military meant Poe was constantly all-systems-go.. Yes, for someone whose looks were so well kept, it took him a surprisingly short amount of time to get ready. Finn was across the room, grumbling about the dirt and grime on his jacket, acting more like a Star Dragon whose slumber had been disturbed after a standard millennia than anything else. He was not a morning person at all. Only Rey remained in bed, slowly sitting up to watch Kaydel and Rose, silently following their movements with her hazel eyes.

“What’s the matter, Connix?” Poe asked.

“Nothing’s the matter, but Commander D’Acy is beginning to receive communications from other worlds who fought against the First Order. You need to start developing a plan for how the war will end, what it will take to eliminate them once and for all.”

Poe nodded. “Go ahead and let her know we’re on our way, Lieutenant.”

“Thank you, General. General. Commander. Rey.” She nodded to each of them in succession before hurrying out the door. Rose found herself checking to make sure she was really okay, that her limp was gone. Kaydel seemed healthy, prepared to take on new challenges. Rose only hoped the rest of them were, too.

“Why is she calling you both General?”

Everyone jumped as Rey spoke. She sounded terrible, hoarse and weak, but it was still good to hear her voice, to know Rey was still in there somewhere. Poe glanced at Finn, then turned to Rey. “Leia put me in command when...” Poe swallowed hard, and Rose realized this was Rey’s first time back on base since they’d lost Leia. Did she even know? “...when she passed away. I knew I couldn’t do it alone, that it would take more than me to strategize, to devise a plan that would take down the First Order, so I asked Finn to join me in command. I needed him.”

Rey didn’t react to the mention of Leia’s passing beyond a slight quiver in her chin, quickly corrected and placed back behind her mask, so Rose figured she must have already known. Perhaps she’d felt it through the Force, whatever that means. Rose still struggled to comprehend it all, but she knew it wasn’t outrageous of her to believe that Rey may have sensed Leia’s death from across the galaxy. Rey’s eyes, tired and bloodshot as they were, still lit up at the news of Finn’s promotion.“Finn, that’s amazing.”

Poe interjected, “We could have _you_ in command, Rey. I know you don’t have an official rank with the Resistance, but you’re a good fighter and a strong leader—” Rey shook her head, her face immediately falling at his words. She didn’t want any of this, Rose realized. She was still grappling with whatever had transpired on Exegol. Poe seemed to understand because he didn’t push. He just nodded and took Rey’s hand in his. “You have a place in the Resistance, Rey. No matter what, you have a place here.” 

Rose understood what Poe actually meant was _You always have a place with us._ The delight that had shone in Rey’s eyes only moments ago was now replaced by the shine of unfallen tears, and Rose was terrified of her breaking down again. Instead of allowing that possibility, Poe broke the tension by elaborately bowing over Rey’s hand and planting a kiss on it.

“Of course,” He proclaimed, “The Resistance’s resources are always at the disposal of my favorite Jedi.”

Rey let out a small snort. With a start, Rose realized it was almost a laugh. Maybe Poe knew what he was doing after all.

“I don’t think it counts if I’m the only Jedi, Poe.” Rey rasped at him, but the edge of her mouth twitched, so close to an actual smile.

“Doesn’t matter. Still my favorite.” Poe tapped Rey on the nose playfully before straightening and turning to the man standing at his side. “Now, I need to run back to my room and change. Meet me in the situation room?”

Finn nodded as he went to sit by Rey. “Are you okay?” He asked, looking her over intently. She inclined her head vaguely, not really a yes or a no, still looking tired and overwhelmed. He put his arm around her and squeezed reassuringly. “I’ve got to go help Poe end this war for good, okay? Stay with Rose. I’ll be back soon.” He draped his jacket over her shoulders, helping her slip her arms into the sleeves, then kissed her forehead and headed for the door. “Take care of her,” he whispered to Rose as he passed. Rose nodded, but inside, she was wondering where in the galaxy to begin.

She turned back to Rey, who was still sitting in the same spot on the bed in Finn’s jacket, hair tangled around her shoulders. Some of her color had returned, but she was still much too pale under her freckles. Her eyes were dry but overcast, held up by purple half-moons. She looked so small, like a little girl, sitting there alone. Rose remembered how, when she was young and looked the way that Rey did in that moment, Paige would sit with her at night to help her relax. Grabbing Rey’s hairbrush, Rose sat on the bed behind her. “Hold still,” Rose said, “Let’s see if we can get your hair fixed.”

She began to brush the knots and snarls out of Rey’s long chestnut hair, starting at the bottom and carefully working her way up. She noticed Rey growing tense with the silence surrounding them, scared to sit with her thoughts.

“You know, Paige used to do this for me,” Rose started. “When I was younger, she did it because our mom made it her job to get us both ready in the mornings, but as we got older, it became what she did to make me feel better. When we came to the Resistance, she’d still do it for me, just to make sure I still felt cared for. That last night on D’Qar, before we evacuated, she brushed my hair all the way out before bed. I told her she didn’t need to, that she should get all the sleep she could before taking on the Dreadnought the following day, but it was important to her… and I’m glad she did.”

Rose felt her throat tightening with emotion. She and Rey had discussed Paige before.These memories, though, the last ones she had before she waved her sister’s bomber off on her final mission… These memories still hurt. But she could sense that Rey was more relaxed while she was talking, so Rose quickly latched onto another topic and continued weaving her thoughts into words.

“So, do you think Finn and Poe will ever realize they’re made for each other? I mean, you can tell how happy they are when they’re together and Poe nearly went to sleep on Finn’s shoulder last night. It’s like, when are you guys going to stop circling each other and just give in? I swear, everyone sees it but them.”

Rey didn’t respond and, based on her body language, Rose could tell that something about that particular topic was grating at her in some way. Jealousy maybe? Rose decided it was best to keep it moving. Rey’s hair was free of tangles at this point, but Rose would continue brushing as long as Rey would let her.

“We should get you some new clothes, sweetie,” Rose suggested. “I know you’ve got a few things, but maybe we can find you more, now that the war is ending. Something with a little color—”

Rose’s chatter was cut off by the door flying open. Chewbacca ducked and entered the room. He looked, as always, too big to fit in the Resistance base.

“Good morning,” Rose chirped at him, hoping to convey by her tone that they were being extra positive for Rey’s sake.

“Hey, Chewie” Rey said, rubbing her eyes as she yawned, voice still husky from the night before.

“Wwahrcwoanahanro whwowowac aooo rroo aooo aoacwo scwowarhraro, aooo scraorwo churcwo cacwoc ooorraro,” he roared. _Fire Lily needs to go to the medbay, make sure she’s okay._ Fire Lily was the nickname Chewbacca had chosen for Rey shortly after meeting her. Most human names didn’t translate into Shyriiwook well, so Chewie improvised. Everyone caught on fairly quickly to which nickname belonged to whom.

“No,” Rey snapped back. “I’m not going.”

“Chewie is right, Rey… If you fainted on Exegol, you could’ve hit your head or something like that. It couldn’t hurt to be checked out.”

Rey crossed her arms, glaring at Rose like a petulant child. “No.”

“Anahcaowowh aooo Cakahaowwahrcwo. Waoowhao rcahcor rooohurc ooohwh acworawa. Rooohu whwowowa ahao aooo wwanro.” _Listen to Spitfire. Don’t risk your own head. You need it to fly._

“I’m NOT going,” Rey all but shouted at the wookiee. “I’m _fine_. Save the space for people who aren’t.” Rose couldn’t believe how Rey was behaving. She never spoke out of turn with Chewie. What was going on with her?

Chewie pressed further, “Ah rcrawh ahwhaooo Wwanrorhooro oowh scro ohraro acworcwo. Acwo craroc rooohu ohworcwo _whooao_ wwahwhwo anracao whahrracao. Ah anoocao coo schuoaac wwrascahanro ahwh aoacahc ohrarc. Ah rasc whooao anoocahwhrr rooohu, aooooo.” _I ran into Flyboy on my way here. He says you were_ not _fine last night. I lost so much family in this war. I am not losing you, too._

“Chewie, I said NO.”

But he was done arguing. Rose watched, amazed, as he scooped Rey up and slung her over his shoulder like a sack of tubers. To her shock, Rey didn’t just give in and let Chewie take her to the med bay. Instead, she became feral, kicking at him and hitting his back.

“I SAID I WAS FINE,” she howled, words failing her entirely moments later as she yelled and twisted like an angry loth cat on Chewie’s shoulder. He began carrying her breezily out of the room, paying no mind to her tantrum. Rey tried her best to hurt Chewie and get free, screaming and coiling and attacking to no avail. He had to use both arms to keep her steady but was still able to carry her out the door and down the hall with ease, Rey’s shrieks echoing the whole way. Rose was stunned for a moment before she took off running toward the situation room. She didn’t know what had gotten into Rey, but she knew that it wasn’t good. And she knew she couldn’t handle it alone.  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
Poe stared into his cup of caf. It wouldn’t be nearly enough to get him through the day. At least they had milk for it now that they had better supply lines. The few months he’d had to drink his caf black tested his resolve with the Resistance. BB-8 beeped and whirred at his side, eager to begin fixing the galaxy. Poe usually admired the droid’s sunny outlook, but this morning, he already had a headache starting.

“General Dameron?”

Poe yanked his mind out of his mug and back to the meeting before him. Commander D’Acy had the maps of the galaxy pulled up on the screen and was ready to begin her briefing. “Yes, Commander, I’m listening.”

D’Acy began to highlight on the map where she had received transmissions from stating the locals had risen up against the First Order occupation: The Endor System, Jakku, Bespin, Ryloth. All had natives now in control or nearly in control of their own systems. There was a vacuum left behind with the First Order’s desolation of the New Republic Senate that, with its excision, needed to be filled again. Poe knew this was the most important part of the war, taking the necessary steps to ensure it would never happen again.

Next to him, Finn’s eyes were on the screen, but his thoughts seemed elsewhere. Poe figured he was probably wondering about the future of others like him because Finn struggled with the fact that he had once been part of the First Order, that so many – like him – had not had a choice of which side they fought on. Poe made a note that, maybe, they could see about finding a place for those who felt as Finn did and wanted to help build something new, make amends. Kaydel sat on Poe’s other side, taking her usual meticulous notes. She would be excellent as a leader. He decided to check her file and see about her promotion when he got back to his office. They needed all the smart, capable people they could get and Kaydel had the skills to easily help form a new government. He realized he had no idea who all had joined them, then Finn interrupted Poe’s thoughts, “Where should we start, General?”

_No kriffin’ idea, I’m new to this._ Poe cleared his throat, hoping to sound more like a general and less like a pilot in over his head. “Well, last year, Leia had us looking for potential leaders to help the Resistance grow.”

“And that’s when we brought in new people. Wedge came back. And Lando.”

“Exactly,” Poe continued, “but like I said when I brought _you_ into leadership, Finn, we need more. I think we have what we need to rebuild this galaxy, but first we have to figure out what we have. What equipment, what skills, and what people. I’m sure we have leaders right here we—”

Before he could finish his sentence, there was a frantic pounding on the door of the situation room. It sounded like it was about to be smacked off its hinges.

Kaydel crossed to the door, unlocking it. Poe expected to see Chewbacca or someone of a similar size on the other side. Instead, there stood Rose, wild-eyed and panting. “Commander Tico, what’s wrong?” Poe asked, hoping his use of her formal title properly expressed his frustration with his meeting being interrupted. Whatever had her worked up could hopefully wait. They were very busy right now.

“It’s Rey!” she blurted out, still breathing heavily. Finn jumped to his feet, eyes wide. Annoyance bubbled in Poe.

“What’s the matter with her? She was fine when we left,” Poe snapped.

“She…” Rose was clearly taken aback by Poe’s blunt response, “Chewie came in and told her she needed to get checked out in the medbay. She refused. I’ve never heard her talk to Chewie like that, yelling at him. He picked her up to take her, and she went crazy. She was trying to hurt him to get away, kicking and screaming. I don’t know what’s going on with her but something is _very_ wrong. I just... I’ve never seen anything like it. Not from _Rey_.”

“I’ll go see her,” Finn said instantly, heading for the door, BB-8 beeping in alarm.

“Finn, there’s work to be done!” Poe insisted, blocking his path.

“I’ve told you what she’s gone through, but you didn’t _see_ her last night. She’s... going through something, Poe, something bad. I don’t want her to hurt herself. It was scary.” Finn’s dark eyes searched Poe’s face. Did he have to go babysit Rey _now_ , when the whole galaxy was counting on them to steer it into the future?

“I’m sure she’ll be fine with Rose and Chewie.”

“She needs me.” Something blazed white hot through Poe’s body. _She_ needed him? Well, Poe needed Finn, too. So, why was it always Rey that came first?

“Fine,” He spat. “Go see her. I’ll stay here and fix everything.”

“I’ll come back after!”

“No need. Just stay with her if it’s so important.”

“Poe…” Finn said, a plea for understanding.

“Go!” He snarled with finality, turning his back as BB-8 whirred in surprise at his mood. He felt his face flush in shame. Even his droid was disappointed in him. Poe heard Finn and Rose’s footsteps, then the door shut behind them. He strode back to the door, locked it again, and returned to his seat. “Where did we leave off?” he asked, voice making it clear that no one was to mention the interruption. 

“Leadership, sir?” D’Acy replied. “And seeing what we have…”

“Yes,” Poe continued, pulling himself back together. “Commander, can you form a team to figure out who all is with us? Who they are, where they came from? It’ll give us a chance to survey our own troops... see who we may have lost.”

“Yes, sir, I can do that.”

“Kaydel, I want you to get a crew to contact any other systems who might have risen up against the First Order, help us get an idea of what is happening out there. Go round up some people, and see who we can reach.”

“Yes, General. May I quickly go check on Rey first?”

Poe sighed. “Of course. When you do, let Rose know that I need her to form a team to start inventorying ships and supplies. You and she can be in charge of that.”

“Yes, General.”

“And Lieutenant? Ask General Calrissian to come speak to me in my office, please. Dismissed.”

The two women walked out of the situation room, leaving Poe alone with BB-8. He looked at the map lit up on the screen before him. The highlighted systems were a start, but the galaxy was a big place. He felt the full weight of it on his shoulders. “What was Leia thinking, leaving me in charge?” he asked BB-8. The droid nudged his foot and made noises of support. Poe barely cracked a smile. He was so out of his element. He knew what he was doing in a battle, but he had no idea how to end a war. He shook his head and made for Leia’s – his – office, the droid rolling along at his side.

Outside the office, Jannah was waiting for him. “General Dameron,” she greeted, standing a little straighter.

“Jannah, please. Just call me Poe.”

“Poe then.” She smiled. “I came to tell you I’m leaving.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, Jannah. I was hoping you’d stay with us. You’re a fierce fighter.”

“I’m not opposed to staying with the Resistance… eventually. I just have to get back to Kef Bir, to see how things played out there. And...” She seemed to be deciding if he was worthy of hearing whatever she was considering telling him. Something sensitive. “And to find my family,” she said in a rush. “We think Lando… General Calrissian, that is… Well, he had a baby girl 25 or years ago or so... who was taken by the First Order. We think I could be that girl.”

“You think Lando is your _father_?”

Jannah nodded shyly. “Even if not, I want to find out where I come from. But I’ll help you in any way I can. I just have to know this first.”

“I understand. Thank you, Jannah. For everything. And please keep in touch.”

“I will. Thank you, General.” She shook his outstretched hand. “And please, could you tell Finn I said goodbye? I couldn’t find him, and I _need_ to go.” Jannah headed toward the flight field at a jog, and Poe entered the room that had, until yesterday, been Leia’s.

Poe wasn’t comfortable here yet. The office and his new title both felt like a uniform that didn’t quite fit, he reflected as he walked inside. He seemed to be fooling everyone else, but he could feel how it pulled at him and pinched. He sat behind Leia’s desk and reached for her datapad. He’d been provided with all of her access codes, so he was able to easily look through personnel files. BB-8 chirped at him in inquiry. “I’ve got to see what I can do about new leadership,” he answered. “I can’t do it all myself.” He resisted the urge to look himself up, sure that his file was full of reprimands from Leia for his hot-headedness and impulsive attitude. He instead navigated to the file of Lt. Kaydel Connix.

Kaydel’s record was good altogether. He navigated from the start of her service to last year, noting the commendations she received for her handling of the D’Qar evacuation. Then, a hot ball of shame dropped into his stomach. In large red letters, her file noted that she was under reprimand for participating in a mutiny. A comment from Leia said, “Holding promotion until she proves herself again.” Tears burned in Poe’s eyes. That mutiny he led nearly destroyed the Resistance. It killed most of their forces, and now he realized it affected the future of those he considered friends. He was extremely lucky Leia had treated him with compassion. She’d had every right to order his termination for what he did. He would have deserved it. Sometimes, in his darkest hours, he wished she had.

Poe tapped the screen, bringing up the page about Connix’s rank. Shocked, he read it twice. Leia had been in the process of promoting Connix when she had died. The forms were all filled out. Poe looked around the desk and found the new rank patch, she’d be Major Connix now. A last gift to her from Leia.

BB-8 beeped a warning, and the office door opened. Lando Calrassian entered, looking around the room. Poe stood, and Lando laughed. “No need for formality, General Dameron. How can I help you?” 

Poe wished he had a simple answer to that question. What did he need Lando to do? Lead with him? Offer him guidance? Yell at him like Leia used to? Poe thought that last one was probably closest to the truth.

“People across the galaxy have started banding together to fight the First Order, Lando, and the tide has turned in the Resistance’s favor. But that’s not enough. We need to end the war for good, and we need to rebuild. Last time, that took massive military efforts we simply aren’t capable of...”

Lando sat across from Poe. “Well, yes, it did. But you have your own advantages, advantges we didn’t have back then. The First Order isn’t as entrenched as the Empire was. The Empire ruled the galaxy for twenty years. The First Order has been public for less than half of that. It’s going to be hard, Poe, there’s no doubt of that, but you can do it.”

“Will you help us? Help me lead?”

Lando laughed, “You don’t need the old to lead, Poe. You need the young. You need those who can build a future for themselves. I’m going back to my retirement.”

“You’re leaving, too? Jannah said—”  
  


  
“Yes, we’d like to figure out who Jannah is. I won’t lie, that’s a priority for me. But mostly… we had our turn to fix things, Poe, and we failed. You will all do better. But if I can ever advise or help, please let me know. It’s the least I can do… for Leia. Her dream was for there to finally be peace.”

With that, Lando stood, gave him a saucy salute, and headed out the door. Poe was once again alone in an office which did not yet feel like his. He stood, thoughts churning like the surf he had seen on Kef Bir. BB-8 beeped in concern as Poe began to pace the length of the room.

“Just thinking, buddy. Just thinking.”

More beeps from the little droid.

“Yeah… about Leia.”

  
  
BB-8 whirred sadly.  
  


  
“I know, buddy. I miss her, too.”

Grief was an open, raw wound inside of Poe. He should have been with Leia. It was his job to protect her. She had been so weak over the last year, ever since her accident on the Raddus. It reminded him of the last year of his mother's life. He had been young, only eight years old when she passed. But he remembered her wasting away until she left him. Poe still remembered the feeling of her hands on his, working the controls of an X-Wing as she taught him how to fly. Since then, Leia was the closest thing he had to a mother. And he hadn’t been there, not even to hold her hand as she died. He had failed her again.

Tears ran hot down Poe’s face as he began to sob. He didn’t know what he was going to do. His world had changed so fast. He never thought Leia would die. She was _immortal_ to him. He had known she wanted him to lead, but he didn’t know how to do it without her. The losses of this war were heavy. He felt them in his tears and in the tension gripping his shoulders. All the dead. Korr and the other political emissaries dead in the attack on Hosnian Prime. Han Solo dead on Starkiller base. Paige and the fighters dead from taking down the dreadnought. Tallie and Ackbar dead from the First Order’s attacks on the Raddus. Holdo dead from fixing Poe’s mistake. All those dead above Crait, killed by his mutiny. Luke Skywalker, dead from holding off the First Order for them. Then, the losses in the battle on Exegol: Snap, Nien Nunb, Shriv, and Zay. Those were only the ones he _knew of_.

And Leia. His General.

Poe sank to the floor with his back against a cabinet, sobs shaking his tense shoulders so hard that it hurt. It felt like his body had caught up to his emotions, pain predominating both _._ The wound on his arm smarted. It needed more than a single bacta patch to heal it. Poe’s eyes burned as he slowly regained control of his breathing. He was desperate for something, anything to take the pain away.

Poe selfishly knew what he wanted to take the pain away. He wanted Finn with him. He’d had feelings for Finn since he first met him, but the timing was never right. They were fighting a war after all. Seeing Finn on the crumbling Star Destroyer was a nightmare Poe never wanted to live through again. He would have taken a thousand more blaster shots if it meant he could have gotten to Finn faster. Sure, it had turned out alright. They were all still here. But at what cost? Rey returned completely broken it seemed, fighting a battle inside her own head. And now Finn seemed intent on spending all his time tending to her. He had said they were just friends, but maybe something had changed...

BB-8 nudged Poe’s leg, chirping a question at him. The droid was concerned. Well... it was nice that someone would take care of him, since apparently the man he wanted was busy with the last Jedi, or whatever she was. Poe slowly got to his feet, the stress tugging at his body like it was a physical entity. He turned to the cabinet he had been sitting against. It was the liquor cabinet Leia kept stocked for when she had guests she wanted to impress. Poe opened it, selecting a bottle of Corellian brandy. He supposed it must have come from Han Solo. Leia had been devastated at the loss of her husband but rarely showed it. Small things like this had helped her hold onto him. Poe poured himself a generous snifter full. He raised it to the room itself, as if toasting Leia’s memory. Then, he downed it in four gulps.

The brandy burned his throat and made his already sensitive eyes sting. He was sure he wasn’t getting the full experience of the fine alcohol. Poe didn’t care. He poured himself a second glass and finished that one, too. The liquor sat harsh in his empty stomach. “Come on Beebee-Ate,” Poe said, “Let’s go.”

For a crowded base, Poe ran into almost no one on the walk to his room. He supposed everyone was celebrating or still sleeping. _Or mourning_ , he thought darkly. The liquor was starting to go to his head as he walked. Maybe he should have eaten breakfast. He made it to his door and had one hand on the knob before he heard his name. It was Zorii Bliss. _Kriff_. Not the person he wanted to talk to right now.

“ _Poe_ ,” she repeated. He sighed and turned to face her. “I didn’t see you this morning. I wanted to make sure you were all right.”

“Yeah,” he said, very conscious of the booze clouding his head. It was thick on his breath too. “I’m fine. Great, actually.”

_Shavit_. His voice gave him away. It had a shake in it from his recent sobbing. Zorii caught on immediately, raising her visor to look him in the eyes.

“You don’t look so fine,” she said, taking in his face. He just shook his head sadly as BB-8 beeped to Zorii. Without a word, Zorii took Poe into her arms. He didn’t hesitate to embrace her back. She was warm, felt like she always had when he pulled her body against his.

“It’s okay, Poe,” she said quietly, “You don’t always have to be strong.” The brandy was dulling his thoughts as his body remembered her. He bent to kiss her neck, teeth gently scraping her suit. Zorii stiffened in his arms. Poe hesitated, confused. Did she not like that anymore? Then she pushed him back. Holding him at arm's length, she addressed him, “Nope. We aren’t doing this again, Poe. It’s not happening.”

Poe felt the tears burn his face again as he flushed, partially from the drink and partially from embarrassment. He misunderstood what she wanted entirely. “Zorii, I’m so sorry, I...”

Zorii pushed past him to open the door to his room. “In,” she commanded. “Sit down. I’ll be back.” She nudged him inside, BB-8 following. She shut the door behind her as she left. Poe sat in silence as the minutes ticked by, tears streaming down his face. He couldn’t believe he was this stupid. He didn’t know how much time had passed before the door opened and Zorii came back with a plate and a cup of caf. She slapped both down in front of him.

“Eat,” She instructed. Arguing with Zorii wasn’t usually an option. Poe wolfed down his breakfast. Zori had somehow found him flatcakes and nerf sausage, what she always got the crew when they were upset. She even put milk in his caf, just like he liked it. The familiarity stung when she’d just rejected him. Clearly, she didn’t hate him, but she wasn’t going to let this go without talking either. Zorii sat on the bed across the room. When he sat his fork down and drained the last of his caf, she spoke again, “Okay. Now, can you tell me what’s wrong? Why are you suddenly acting like this? Hitting on me after a life-or-death battle is one thing but, Poe, I thought you were into the other guy you came to Kijimi with, Finn or whatever.”

Poe nodded, shrugged, and sniffled in turn.

Zorii seemed to see right through him. “He doesn’t feel the same? Or have you not told him?”

“I haven’t said anything,” Poe admitted. “It was never the right time, and he is so busy caring for Rey right now… I think they have a thing. But I have a whole galaxy to rebuild and to do it without Leia...” Poe’s tears broke free again. He marveled that he still had any left to shed. Zorii gestured for him to sit next to her and wrapped one arm around him. “We lost so many good people in this war, Zorii, and now we have to pick up the pieces.”

“You have to and you _can_ , Poe. It’s hard, of course, but you’re the one person I know who could do it. You know, I can think of quite a few people you saved in this war, too…” He looked at her warily, disbelieving. “If you hadn’t inspired me to follow you, Babu and I would have still been on Kijimi when it blew up. So, you helped us.” Poe nodded, tears slowing. “I know your general meant the world to you, but she wouldn’t have given you this position if you didn’t deserve it. People follow you, Poe. You’re a natural leader.”

“But then I lose it, and I’m awful to them… I treated Finn terribly when he wanted to go be with Rey. And Rey… she’s so young and did so much for us. But I’ve always been so hard on her.” Poe sagged against Zorii, head against the hard edge of her helmet. He felt the haze in his brain dissipating with the caf and food.

“Then make it up to them, Poe. Go hit the refresher, brush your teeth, and go to your friends.” She gave him a squeeze and pushed him to his feet. “Go!”

Poe gave Zorii a smile as she headed for the door to his room. She flipped down her visor as she left with a wave. He took a deep breath and headed for the fresher to find his resolve.  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
Finn was walking fast enough that, should he walk any faster, it would no longer be considered walking, but he needed to get to the med bay as fast as professionally possible. Rose had made it clear the situation with Rey was dire, and he couldn’t let poor Chewie take the brunt of Rey’s… rage? To be honest, Finn had no idea exactly what was going on with Rey or what emotions were dictating her behavior because Rey hadn’t been able to finish telling him. And, while he prided himself on knowing Rey pretty well, he couldn’t read her mind. So, all he had to go off of was the context clues from what she _had_ been able to tell him. Was the guilt from using the Force against Finn still bothering her? Was she still angry about finding out Palpatine was her grandfather? Was she experiencing residual stress from worrying about the lives of her friends and comrades? Or was it just grief over the loss of this person she kept saying was “gone”? He wanted to ask her, to get clarification so he could figure out how best to help her, but he was worried that it would only be a rallying cry to resume the breakdown she’d been having the evening before.

He didn’t have much time to ruminate on it because he and Rose made it to the med bay from the situation room impressively quick. They were both disturbed by Rey’s condition and wanted to help her any way they could, which meant they weren’t going to waste any time. Neither of them had ever seen Rey without her usuallyl level head, so they had no strategy for approaching this. For now, all they had to offer was their presence as her best friends, the same as they’d offered last night. Hopefully, that would keep her calm long enough for her to be treated by the med droids. From how she looked when she’d arrived on base in Skywalker’s X-wing, she needed it.

As they walked through the entrance to the med bay, they could hear Rey shouting from one of the rooms off the main lobby.

“Don’t TOUCH me! Let me GO! I don’t want to be poked and prodded, I don’t need to be looked at, just LEAVE ME ALONE! NO!” Rey was furious, and it was horrifying, but Finn’s stomach truly dropped when he heard her tone change from anger to pleading. “Please, please, Chewie, make them let me go! Get that needle _away_ from me!” There was the sound of something metal crashing to the floor, probably the tray the med droids used to carry sterile instruments like needles. Chewie howled at Rey, but there was no irritation in his voice. He kept repeating the same thing over and over again. _You’re safe, Rey._

Finn rushed into the room, Rose following closely behind. They needed to get in there, try to cool things down before Rey got upset enough to lose control of her abilities. Why was she so distressed? What was she afraid of? He didn’t understand.

Rey was writhing on the bed, her limbs flailing, her body folding and unfolding, contorting in almost painful ways to try and escape the grasp of the med droids. Finn didn’t hesitate. He walked straight up to Rey’s side and placed his hand on her forehead. “Rey.” She stilled. Good. He could still reach her. “Rey, listen to Chewie. He’s telling you you’re safe. You _are_. No one, no _droid_ , is going to hurt you. We would never let that happen. You know that, right?” She stayed frozen for a moment, staring into his eyes, before giving an almost imperceptible nod. “Then what are you so afraid of, Rey?”

Her face screwed up into a tortured grimace, tears welling in her eyes. When she finally spoke, it was a whisper, “I’m _not_ broken.” Finn frowned in confusion. What did she mean?

He considered their circumstances for a moment, ran through the events of last night and this morning inside of his mind in hopes of gaining some enlightenment. Maybe… maybe Rey was just as scared of what was going on with her as the rest of them were. Maybe she was scared of what the med droids would find. Maybe she thought, if there was no proof of anything being wrong, she could avoid dealing with it. Maybe she knew that, in order to deal with whatever the med droids found, she’d have to go through hell. Whatever happened to Rey that was causing this, whatever she saw or felt or did, it had traumatized her.

Finn moved his hand from Rey’s hot forehead and took her hand, clutching it. His eyes didn’t leave hers for a second. “You’re right. You’re _not_ broken because you are too _strong_ to break. We know that, Rey. The droids just have to do some tests to make sure there are no superficial medical issues to be treated.” She shook her head. He sighed, “You’ve been through an ordeal. You could have injuries that we can’t see.” He surreptitiously lifted his other hand, gesturing for the droid to come over with the sedative. Rey needed to be at rest. It was the only way to make sure she was okay. She wasn’t going to stop fighting. “You’re safe, Rey. We would never let anything happen to you.”

Her eyes went black. She dropped Finn’s hand and twisted it in his shirt, yanking him downwards to listen to her closely, the tears that had been forming in her eyes now falling. “You already _did_.” The droid stuck her with the needle before she could say anything else, clearly having sensed the tension in her preparing to rise again. Finn felt like he’d been punched in the gut. Rey’s eyes fluttered closed, and her body fell limp on the med bay bed.

Rose sniffled behind him. “She didn’t mean it, Finn. I told you. There’s something _wrong_ with her.” He knew how hard it was for _him_ to see Rey this way. Rose had to be feeling just as horrible as he was. Turning to look at her, Finn crossed the short distance between them and embraced her.

“She’s going to get through this, Rose. We’ll make sure of it.” Rose nodded against his chest.

They heard Chewie bay a greeting over the sound of footsteps as someone joined them. “Hi, Chewie,” said Connix. She came to meet Finn and Rose as they broke apart, taking Rose’s hand, their fingers interlocking. Finn watched the display, both intrigued and befuddled. Since when were they a thing? As he pondered this new development, Connix asked Rose if Rey was okay. Her gaze fell on Rey in the bed, completely slack as the med droids took her temperature, drew blood, and set her up on an IV. Connix usually came off fairly aloof, detached, as if she didn’t care so much for any of them as individuals as she cared for the Resistance itself, the cause. This was not true to her feelings, and Finn knew that. He’d seen how much she’d cared in moments where she thought no one was looking. And he knew she cared for their small family – Rey, Poe, Rose, Chewie, himself – most especially. At this moment, she looked absolutely sick over Rey. She hadn’t seen the turmoil they’d dealt with, hadn’t been faced with the reality of Rey’s plight in person yet. She’d been dealing with her own injuries. But looking at Rey lying on the bed, Connix was despairing. “She looks so _tired_. I’ve never seen her… Well, you both know. Is there anything we can do?”

Rose shook her head on a sigh but gave Connix a reassuring smile. “Not right now, Kay. We just need to let the med droids do their work. We’ll go from there.”

Connix, or _Kay_ , nodded in understanding and said, “Okay. In that case, do you mind coming with me? Poe put me in charge of contacting the other systems that rose against the First Order to get an idea of what’s happening, where we’re at as far as removing their hold over the galaxy. I have to put a team together, and I could use your help. Once that’s taken care of, he’d like us both to take inventory of supplies and ships. We can come back later to check on Rey again when she’s closer to waking up.”

Rose turned to Finn and Chewie. “Are you two all right with staying to watch over her? I don’t want her to be left alone.”

It came as a shock to no one in the room when Finn and Chewie immediately agreed.

She ran over to Rey’s bedside, bending over to place a kiss on her forehead, then made her way back towards the door. “Let’s go, Kay.” They clasped hands again as they departed.

Without any discussion, Finn and Chewie each grabbed a chair, carried it closer to the bed, and took a seat. The droids let them know they would be leaving the room to run blood work. The two of them watched Rey in companionable silence until Finn couldn’t take it anymore. He looked at the wookiee next to him. “I’m beside myself, Chewie. Terrified. There is so much to Rey that none of us are capable of understanding. Even if we figure out what’s wrong, how are we ever going to help her without Luke or Leia?”

Chewie placed his hand on Finn’s shoulder and squeezed it lightly. “Whwo'anan waoo ohacraao ohwo raanohraroc waoo, Scoooowhrhworasc. Ohwo'anan wwahrrhurcwo ahao oohuao aooorrwoaoacworc.” _We'll do what we always do, Moonbeam. We'll figure it out together._ How did he always know what to say?

_Must come with being over 200 years old_ , Finn thought.

Rey started shivering suddenly, and Finn immediately jumped up to go to her side. Chewie stood up as well, but didn’t join him. A moment later, he was tapping Finn on the shoulder to get his attention. “Acworcwo. Aoacahc wwwoanan oowwww ooww acworc oowh oohurc ohraro aooo aoacwo scwowa rhraro.” _Here. This fell off of her on our way to the med bay._ It was Finn’s jacket. He’d completely forgotten she was still wearing it when he’d left. He took it from Chewie and placed it over Rey. She didn’t stop shivering completely, but it seemed to help.

“Thank you, Chewie.”

Then, they took up the post in their chairs again. Chewie huffed, staring at Rey, but addressed Finn, “Waahwa cacwo aowoanan rooohu ohacraao acraakakwowhwowa?” _Did she tell you what happened?_

“She told me… some of what happened. You remember, we were looking for the wayfinder, but I honestly don’t know what came of that. I don’t know if she found it or not. When Rey actually made it onto the Death Star’s ruins, she ran into Ren, and they ended up fighting.” Chewie whined at this. Finn assumed it was because he didn’t like the idea of Rey fighting that monster, but he wasn’t quite sure. It seemed like it could be… something else. Chewie recovered and urged him to go on. “Jannah and I went after Rey, but Rey didn’t want our help. She actually threw me backwards, away from the fighting. Our view was obscured by the waves, and we couldn’t see them anymore, so Jannah convinced me to go back to the Falcon and wait for Rey. But she never came back. All I know, all that Rey told me, is that she left Kef Bir and went to Exegol to kill Palpatine because she found out he was her grandfather and had murdered her parents.” Finn waited for some sort of reaction from Chewie, but… nothing. “You don’t seem surprised.”

“Aoacwo akrcahwhoawocc orwhwooh. Cacwo aoooanwa scwo.” _The princess knew. She told me._

“And you didn’t care? You didn’t tell Rey?”

“Ahao ohracwh'ao wwoorc scwo aooo aowoanan. Rawhwa, whoo, ah waahwawh'ao oararcwo. Ah orwhoooh rhwoaoaoworc aoacrawh rawhrooowhwo aoacraao rooohurc wwrascahanro waoowoc whooao wawooaahwawo ohacoo rooohu rarcwo oorc ohacraao oaacooahoawoc rooohu ohahanan scraorwo. Ah'howo ohraaooaacwowa scrawhro akwoooakanwo ah anoohowo anworarcwh aoacraao anwoccoowh aoacwo acrarcwa ohraro.” _It wasn't for me to tell. And, no, I didn't care. I know better than anyone that your family does not always decide who you are or what choices you will make. I've watched many people I love learn that lesson the hard way.  
  
_

Chewie often looked sad. It wasn’t suprising, really, because Finn had seen him lose multiple loved ones in the short time he’d known him. But there was something particularly weighty about the sadness in his eyes right now. Finn thought it was best not to touch that, though. He and Chewie had grown closer, but there was a lot that Finn didn’t know about him. Now wasn’t the time to delve into that.

“Got it. Well. As I was saying, she found out he was her grandfather and went to Exegol to kill him. That’s when she led us there. I suppose that means she found the wayfinder? Maybe it’s still in the X-wing. I’ll have to ask her about it. Anyway, Palpatine wanted her to take his place as the leader of the Sith, strike him down so that the Sith could possess her body. It was a whole…” He gestures vaguely. “...thing. She obviously didn’t do it. The Jedi of the past spoke to her…. somehow, and she was able to defeat the Sith, but then… I asked her what happened after all that, and she… freaked out. Had a complete meltdown, she was sobbing and shaking and couldn’t control her use of the Force, things were floating and… it was scary. All she kept saying was, ‘He’s gone.’ I have no idea who ‘he’ is!”

When Finn looked at Chewie after telling him this, his sadness had deepened to a worrying degree. His eyes looked the same as they had when they’d learned of Leia’s passing, like he’d lost someone dear to him, like he’d lost his family.

“Chewie, do you… know something?”

Chewie looked away from him. The whine that he’d produced earlier was rising in his throat again, but he was fighting it, clearly trying not to cry. He took a few seconds to compose himself before replying. Finn couldn’t believe what he was seeing. Was everyone losing it? Was he the only sane person left on this base? 

“Ah waoowh'ao orwhoooh rawhroaoacahwhrr wwoorc oaworcaoraahwh, rhhuao Ah acrahowo scro aoacwooorcro rarhoohuao ohacoo Wwahrcwo Anahanro scraro rhwo rrrcahwohoahwhrr. Ah waoowh'ao aoacahwhor ahao'c wwraahrc aooo acworc wwoorc scwo aooo aowoanan rooohu ohacraao Ah aoacahwhor rhwooarahucwo, ahww ahao'c aorchuwo, rooohu akrcoorhrarhanro ohoohuanwawh'ao huwhwaworccaorawhwa huwhanwocc rooohu acworarc ahao caorcraahrracao wwrcoosc acworc. Shhucao rhwo akraaoahwowhao. Acwoanak acworc rrwoao rhwoaoaoworc. Ahww ohacraao Ah rhwoanahwohowo ahc aorchuwo... cacwo whwowowac aoahscwo.” _I don't know anything for certain, but I have my theory about who Fire Lily may be grieving. I don't think it's fair to her for me to tell you what I think because, if it's true, you probably wouldn't understand unless you hear it straight from her. Just be patient. Help her get better. If what I believe is true… she needs time._ He gazed at Rey with such sympathy that Finn desperately wished he could guess the truth in all this _._ But he was clueless.

Before Finn had a chance to respond, one of the med droids came in and stopped to speak to them. Finn didn’t know why, but suddenly he was nervous. “Rey’s blood work is completely normal.” He let out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding, relieved. “Medically, she is completely healthy, but for reasons we can’t explain, she is still… ill.” And just as quickly as it had spawned, his relief was snuffed out. “She has an extraordinarily high fever, and her heart rate is slowed. Her body is trying to heal itself, but whatever is draining her… it’s not something we have a cure for. It’s not something we can treat. I am sorry. But, as I said, there is nothing medically wrong. She is stable. We are going to put her on an IV drip of water, provide her with nutrients, let her rest. The best we can do is treat her for dehydration and exhaustion.” Finn waved the droid away with a nod, acknowledging but not quite accepting its prognosis. His stomach was curling. None of this added up. How could she be healthy, but… still be sick? If there was nothing physically wrong with her, what was it?

And then it hit him. That feeling.

The Force.

It wasn’t Rey’s body that had been infected, not her physical self that had been hurt. It was her connection to the Force.

Finn had no idea if he should tell Rey or mention this thought to Chewie or even mention it to anyone because he could easily be wrong. And, even if he was right, how could he help her? How could any of them help her? It was just as he’d thought. They couldn’t help her without a Jedi, without Luke or Leia.

But Chewie had promised they would figure it out. Together. He would tell Chewie, and they would come up with a plan. A way to tell Rey and go about making her better.

Just as he was preparing to share his revelation with the wookiee, who was standing and speaking to the med droid, he heard footsteps coming towards their room. Then, much to his surprise, Poe walked in with a tray of food. But, as soon as he made eye contact with Finn, he froze in his tracks. “...Hi there.”

Finn raised an eyebrow at him. “Hi. What have you got there?”

Confusion flashed across Poe’s face before he looked down and remembered that he was holding something. “Ah! This. Yes, well, I… thought that… Rey might like to have some of her favorite foods. I thought… it might… make her feel better?” Finn had to work not to laugh. This was so incredibly… Poe. Finn had planned to stay mad for a while because Poe’s behavior toward him in the situation room was completely uncalled for, but it appeared that Poe knew that. Most people may not have realized it, but this – bring Rey food to wake up to – was Poe’s way of apologizing. Finn knew him, though, and Finn… Well, he had… _feelings_ for Poe. Feelings that he didn’t fully understand yet, but they were enough to make him forgive Poe right now, to give him another chance.

He gave Poe a half-smile and huffed a laugh. “Yeah, it probably will. I can’t believe you remembered her favorite foods, though, all the way down to the beebleberry ice cream.”

Poe matched Finn’s half-smile with his own. “I remember yours, too. You can quiz me later if you don’t believe me.” Something about the way he said that made Finn’s heart flutter. Something about it sounded like a promise of something more.

Finn had so much to figure out, so much work to do. And he couldn’t be sure, but he had a feeling it all ended with Poe.

The one thing he was sure of, though, was where it began: helping Rey.  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
_Rey could hardly see through the snowstorm that was raging around her. She lifted her arm in front of her face, a futile attempt to block the barrage of snowflakes. Where was she? Squinting, laboring to work out the details of her current setting, she slowly but surely realized she was in the clearing of a forest. There were tall, dark trees encircling the area. The sky above her was inky, but the shadow of it all was disrupted by stars, so many stars. Something about it was so… familiar.The contrast between the deep brown, almost black shade of the bark and the harsh white of the snow was captivating, bewitching. It reminded her of—_

_“You know, you really ought to write poetry.”_

_She jumped, caught off guard in her mesmerized state, and turned to find the owner of the voice that had broken the spell, although she didn’t_ need _to look to know who it was. She’d know that voice anywhere. It had haunted and enchanted her, saturating her mind for more than a year, perhaps even longer if she were telling the truth, if she really thought about it. It took all her strength, all her willpower not to run to him. She didn’t fight the urge to smile, though. It was far too strong. “_ Ben _,” she found herself whispering on a sigh, reverent, like a prayer._

_“Rey,” he replied, inclining his head in greeting. The snowstorm had calmed with his presence, and she could see him more plainly. She would never get used to just how large he was. His shoulders were strong and broad. In fact, all of him was broad, even his waist. Though some may desire a narrow waist to offset the breadth of one’s shoulders, it would’ve been a travesty on Ben. He was a durasteel wall. A durasteel wall that was soft to the touch. At least, she thought he must be. His skin was so— “Would you like to dance?”_

_Her voice caught in her throat. Had he been reading her mind? Did he know she wanted to… Ah, no matter. Where normally Rey fought her desire to be close to him and refused to give any hint of her true feelings, being in this place, at this moment, with him somehow removed all her inhibitions. Somewhere, deep down, she knew the Ben standing in front of her was the genuine article, not the tormented version she was used to. “I’d love to.”_

_He moved towards her in that fashion which only he was capable of, part strut, part saunter, part lumber. Nothing about him made sense. Stopping a few feet in front of her, he offered his right hand. All at once, her heart was racing, her blood turned to flame. They’d been here. Him before her, his hand extended, her wanting desperately to take it and never look back. But this was different._ He _was different. And so was she. All he offered now in addition to his hand was himself, his heart. Not the galaxy, just him, pure and undiluted. He seemed to have figured out that, to her, he_ was _the galaxy. There could be no substitute. Without another moment’s hesitation, she reached out and took his hand with her own. Perhaps the sensation that passed between them was the Light Side’s variety of Force Lightning because it felt electric, tasted of ozone. It was beyond her comprehension and so_ heavenly _._

_They didn’t discuss it, afraid to ruin it in one way or another. They simply started swaying, his right hand pulling her closer and raising theirs joined into the air, his left finding her waist and making her blush, guiding her into his rhythm. Their chests were so close, the heat of their bodies blending in between. She thought, maybe, if they tried hard enough, they could melt into each other, become one. Then, another thought struck her, making her giggle. His eyes went wide, shocked at the sound. He quirked an eyebrow at her in question. “Sorry, I just—” She continued laughing, breathless. “I just realized that there’s no music. We made it this far without even considering the idea of needing music to accompany us and—” Her feet decided to wage a war with each other at that moment, causing her to trip and fall right into him, cutting off her rambling. His arms wrapped around her instinctively, and she couldn’t help but notice how warm he was, like a furnace. She looked up at him, embarrassed. “Sorry… again.”_

He _laughed then, and it lit her up inside. His arms released, and his hands were moving underneath her armpits, lifting her with minimal effort and setting her feet directly on top of his. He held her waist and smiled at her, holding her steady. “You need a teacher,” he said._

_Her skin went cold._

No, no, no, no, no.

_This wasn’t real. She was dreaming. She blinked hard and shook her head furiously, trying to wake herself up. Ben was gone. He was_ gone _, he—_

_Rey looked back to where she and Ben had been holding each other’s hand to find that they were now holding lightsabers, her holding his grandfather’s, him holding Kylo Ren’s, clashing and shooting sparks onto the snow around them. She finally registered why this place was so familiar. They were on Starkiller Base. Her fondest dream was bleeding into her worst nightmare._

_She blinked again, her eyelashes acting as the proverbial butterfly’s wings launching a hurricane as Kylo Ren’s lightsaber now appeared in her hand. Ben was holding his grandfather’s, and his strength was waning. Her body began to move without her permission. Without any warning, her opposite elbow swung up and truck Ben on the jaw. He faltered, losing his balance and dropping his lightsaber. Rey was helpless to stop it as her arm pulled back before plunging the blade of the laser sword into Ben’s abdomen. Immediately, the saber deactivated, and she threw it to the ground, screaming. He fell onto his back, and she followed onto her knees, pressing her hands onto his abdomen, putting all her effort into transferring life from herself to Ben. But it wasn’t working. The well was dry. It was as if she was already dead, as if there was no life left inside her to give._

_Ben’s hands slid over hers, his thumb brushing idly over her wrist. When she looked down to see where they met, she saw tears falling onto the backs of his hands, freezing on his skin in the cold Ilum air. It took her a few seconds to realize the tears were her own. This couldn’t be happening. It wasn’t fair. “Hey.” His voice was soft, subduing her, uncoiling her insides and settling within, a vein of tranquility passing through her heart. Rey lifted her eyes and bore them into his. And then he smiled_ that _smile, but it was sickly because there was blood staining his teeth. This was all wrong. “It’s okay, Rey.”_

_“No, it’s not, Ben! None of this is okay! I didn’t…” Her breathing was uneven. She was beginning to hyperventilate. “I didn’t w-want to fight you, Ben. I just wanted to save you. Please, tell me how to save you. I’ll do anything.”_

_He just shook his head, the smile still hanging on his face as he tightened his hold on her hands. “You can’t.”_

_And then Rey was being torn from Ben, flung backwards through the air until she was a hundred feet away from him, maybe more. The ground shook furiously, and she could feel it in her bones. It was the same fury that was growing in her heart. A chasm opened up between her and Ben, just as it had the first time they fought. Once the earth had finally stilled, the damage done, she crawled to the edge of the cliff, hoping to make sure that Ben was okay. But she was being pulled in by the magnetism of the chasm in front of her. It looked just like the Darkness she’d seen on Ahch-To. The Darkness she’d jumped into without a second thought. It was in her nature. This particular Darkness was created by diverging plates on the interior of the planet, painfully mixing up its core. She couldn’t help but think she knew how that felt. It would be so easy to let this Darkness swallow her up, to let it—_

_A lightsaber ignited just behind her, and she whirled around to find that same Dark model of herself that she had seen on the ruins of the Death Star. The monster crouched in front of Rey, licking its razor-sharp teeth and pointing its lightsaber behind her… toward Ben. “_ I _could’ve saved him,” it spit icily._

_Rey turned back to the cliff’s edge to see Ben’s body fading, his clothes falling limply to the ground._

Please, don’t go.

_She barely had a moment to register what was happening before she felt the monster’s hands twisting into her tunic, yanking her up and hurling her over the edge of the cliff into the—_

“NO!” Rey screamed.

She jolted upright, panting and drenched in sweat, her hands clutching the sheets of the bed she was in before curling into fists and lifting to rub her bleary eyes. They adjusted to the bright light of the med bay, revealing her surroundings and reminding her of where she was. Chewie had dragged her here. She’d been sedated. What had they done to her while she was out? What tests had they run? She turned to inspect the machine she was hooked up to.

A warm hand fell onto her shoulder, startling her until she searched for the person it was attached to and found Finn. “Rey! Rey, it’s okay. You’re safe. You were just having a bad dream, tossing and turning in your sleep.” Of course she was. Her mind was a nebula of fear, anger, regret, sorrow, suffusing and reaching her heart. But she couldn’t let anyone know that because they would make her _talk_ about it. She didn’t want to talk about it. She wanted to cleanse herself of it.

“I’m fine, Finn. Really. I’m probably just… hungry or something.” Not a total lie. She _was_ hungry.

“That’s good,” a slick voice chimed in, “because someone’s got to eat all this.”

Behind Finn, Poe was holding a tray filled with all of Rey’s favorite foods. Not that she’d really tried a wide variety. The options were pretty limited on Jakku – understatement of the millennia – and the Resistance bases could only import so much since they had to fly under the First Order’s radar. But what they had to offer was _good_. Rey had made sure to try everything, so used to going without that missing the opportunity to indulge herself and try something new felt almost criminal. After a year’s worth of research, Rey’s preferences had become clear, which is why Poe had brought her sliced jogan fruit, butter pastries, and a carton of beebleberry ice cream.

Rey’s eyes went wide, and her mouth watered. “Poe, you shouldn’t have.”

The handsome man shrugged, “If you say so! I’ll just take this delectable spread back to the mess—” She cut him off with a flick of her wrist, the Force guiding the tray through the air and onto the bed next to her, prompting a snort from Finn. She immediately shoved one of the jogan slices into her mouth, humming with contentment. Poe laughed, “That’s what I thought.” She scrunched her nose at him in defiance. If her mouth hadn’t been full, she would’ve stuck her tongue out at him, too.

She could do this. She could pretend she was fine, be playful with her friends.

As if summoned by her thoughts, Rose popped out from behind Poe, a wide grin on her face. “You’re awake!” She ran over to Rey and gathered her into a tight hug. “Mother of Moons, Rey! You’re burning up.”

“Am I?” Rose nodded at her solemnly. “Hm.”

Chewie entered then, med droid following closely behind, the others turning to look at them expectantly. The droid’s tinny voice filled the room as it came to stand in front of the machine connected to Rey, “Your condition is stable, Rey. We will be releasing you now. We treated you for dehydration, putting you on a drip of water, and attempted to treat your exhaustion by pumping you with a serum of various nutrients. You are still showing symptoms of illness, though, so we recommend you drink a generous amount of water and get plenty of rest.”

“So she’s okay?” Poe asked.

“More or less,” the droid responded. Poe’s brow furrowed, not quite pleased by that answer, but he nodded at the droid, thanking it for its service. The droid removed the IV’s from Rey’s arm methodically. “Will you be needing anything else, Rey?”

“There is one thing. When you complete your report, can you list Skywalker as my last name?” Some of the air seemed to leave the room after she said that, her friends passing confused looks between each other.

“Of course, Miss Skywalker.” The droid glided out of the room.

There was a moment of awkward silence before Chewie finally broke it, “Aoacwo akrcahwhoawocc ohoohuanwa acrahowo anahorwowa aooo oaraanan rooohu ra Corroohraanorworc.” _The princess would have liked to call you a Skywalker._

Rey smiled brightly at him, reaching for one of the butter pastries. “I think so, too.” She took a bite.

“Well, then it’s settled! Rey Skywalker it is.” Poe crossed to Rey and gave her a chaste kiss, or at least as chaste as Poe could manage, on the cheek. Then he straightened back up and addressed the whole room, “I’ve got to go, but you—” he pointed at Finn, “And you—” then Rose, “And _you_ —” then finally Chewie, “better take expert care of my favorite Jedi. Got it?”

Finn rolled his eyes and Rose giggled, the sound like a song. “Get out of here, you idiot. We’ve got this covered.” Poe’s indignations were muted as Rose shoved him out the door, wiping invisible dust from her hands afterwards. “Anyway, we should get you back to our room, Rey, get you a head start on that whole ‘rest’ thing. I know it’s pretty foreign to you.” She smirked.

Rey opened her mouth to agree with Rose but stopped short, remembering something. “I promise I will go right back to our room and go straight to sleep, but I have something I need to do first, okay? Alone.” Finn and Rose squinted at each other in suspicion before turning their gaze back to Rey.

“...are you sure you’ll be okay?” Finn asked, the wariness obvious in his tone.

“ _Yes_ , Finn. Honestly, you guys don’t need to worry about me.” Rey sat the tray of food aside and threw her legs over the side of the bed, hopping out of it and stretching her limbs dramatically.

Rose walked toward her slowly, like she was a wounded animal. It grated at Rey, made her clench her fists, carving semi-circles into her skin with her fingernails. “Rey, you seemed pretty… broken up last night... and this morning. It was really unsettling. And now you’re… _amazingly_ chipper, almost as if nothing happened, so we’re… concerned that you might be… compartmentalizing in an unhealthy way.” Rose’s breath whooshed out of her in a rush after she finished speaking. Rey reached out, rubbing her hands up and down Rose’s arms before pulling her into another hug.

She sighed, “I appreciate your concern. I really do. You have no idea how much it means to me to have people who actually care about my well-being, who actively work to maintain it. But we’ve all got issues to work through after… everything that happened. I don’t want mine to take precedence over anyone else’s. I was exhausted. I just need to rest, like the med droid said. I’ll be all right. I promise. I’m handling it.”

“Okay, I can accept that. For now. But I’ve got my eye on you, Rey _Skywalker_.” Rose wrenched herself from Rey’s embrace, pointing a finger at her theatrically, then poking it into her side. Rey burst out laughing, slapping Rose’s hand away.

“How dare you! You know I’m _ticklish_!”

“I do know! It’s your greatest weakness, and I love exploiting it. Muahahahaha!” They both laughed now, their hysterical giggles harmonizing with each other, filling the air. Rose was always good for making Rey feel like the little girl she was always meant to be instead of the little girl she actually was, lonely, far too wearied for her age, desperate, unwanted. With Rose, she was the little girl who had a best friend that she got to be carefree with, the little girl who was loved, who wasn’t alone, who could have fun and forget her troubles for a little while.

Their laughter was interrupted by Finn, who they’d accidentally forgotten was there. “You two are ridiculous.” He shook his head, biting back a smile. “Rey, if you don’t mind, I think I’m going to stay with you and Rose for a bit,” he raised his hands in a defensive gesture as she opened her mouth to protest, “not to hover over you or anything like that, just to… be there if for some reason you end up needing me again. Okay? For me. It will make me feel better to be there for you.” Well, how was she supposed to argue with that?

She smiled at him the same way she’d smiled when he told her he would be going with her to Pasaana. The smile that said _You’re insufferable, but that’s why I love you_. “I’ll allow it,” she conceded. He whooped in triumph, enveloping both Rose and Rey in his arms. He looked off to the side then, his eyes settling on Chewie, who’d been looking on with a goofy smile. His specialty.

“Get over here, big guy! What are you doing all the way over there?”

Chewie joined them then, wailing something about _pups_ as he hoofed over and added his arms on top of Finn’s, whose were on top of Rey’s, encircling a Rose that seemed much tinier than usual in proportion to the tangle of limbs surrounding her. The wookiee squeezed until their breathing started to become constricted, his version of a laugh vibrating from his chest all the way through to Rose. Rey whined puckishly, “Chewie, stop, you’re going to kill us!” He freed them, but his chuckling continued.

As they dispersed, Rey felt herself becoming tired. That was about all of the merrymaking she could handle for now. She needed to take her leave because she felt the nebula making itself known again, and it was back with a vengeance. She wouldn’t be able to pretend anymore. In fact, if she stayed with them much longer, she was sure to experience another breakdown, and that would really throw a wrench in her plan to convince them she was fine.

“Right, so Finn, Rose, I’ll meet you back in the room?”

Her best friends both nodded enthusiastically. They seemed to get that she wanted to be alone in order to complete her errand now because each of them squeezed Rey’s shoulder one last time before heading towards the exit, tossing a short goodbye at Chewie as they left.

She turned to the wookiee then and met his eyes with her own. “Thank you for looking out for me, Chewie.” Her gaze fell to the ground, shame heating her face, drawing frustrated tears forward. “I’m sorry that I tried to hurt you… fought with you. You were just trying to help me, and I… I was a monster. You deserve better than that.” She bit her lip to keep from crying, but her chin was wobbling, and she was struggling.

Then, a furry hand was stilling her wobbly chin and lifting her face back up, forcing her to look at him. “Ahao'c scro shoorh aooo anooooor oohuao wwoorc rooohu, Wwahrcwo Anahanro. Rooohu whwohoworc acrahowo aooo raakooanoorrahufwo aooo scwo wwoorc rooohurc woscooaoahoowhc. Rawhwa Ah oarawh'ao wawocworchowo rhwoaoaoworc aoacrawh rooohu rhwooarahucwo aoacworcwo ahc whoo oowhwo rhwoaoaoworc. Rooohu rarcwo aoacwo rhwocao orahwa Ah oaoohuanwa wohoworc racor wwoorc.” _It's my job to look out for you, Fire Lily. You never have to apologize to me for your emotions. And I can't deserve better than you because there is no one better. You are the best kid I could ever ask for._

Rey inhaled sharply, then exhaled unsteadily, wiping teardrops from her cheeks. She couldn’t speak, so she just nodded at Chewie in acknowledgement of what he said, hoping her appreciation for him was evident. He patted her on the head, then respectfully retired from the room.

Rather than continuing to wallow and nourish the nebula, Rey started for the door. Abruptly, she stopped, pivoted on her foot, then scurried back to the med bay bed to grab the spoon and her carton of beebleberry ice cream off the tray before darting out of the room. She opened the carton and began scooping the ambrosial treat into her mouth eagerly while she proceeded in the direction of her destination. She was just finishing the carton, scraping all that she could from the bottom of it, as she made it to the hangar filled with Resistance ships. Throwing the empty carton and spoon into a bin, she kept walking until she reached Luke’s X-wing. Red 5. She looked around the hangar apprehensively, ensuring that no one was watching her as she opened the cockpit and stepped up the ladder to peer inside. It was still there.

Ben’s sweater.

Rey reached into the pit and pulled it out. She held it in her hands, kneading the material with her fingers. It was so fleecy and, somehow, it was still _warm_. Running her hand over it, she found the hole in its torso and prodded it with her finger, the memory of its causation flooding her mind. Her breathing grew strained, the nebula seeping into her bones, mixing with the marrow. She gathered the sweater and brought it to her face, weeping into it frantically.

After some time, she wasn’t sure how much, her tear ducts ran dry. She simply couldn’t cry anymore. So, she wiped down her face with one of the sleeves of the tattered sweater and pulled herself together. Then, she made her way out of the hangar, stopping by the storeroom to grab a knapsack, and she shoved the sweater inside. Remembering, Rey returned to the X-Wing, climbing inside to grab Ben’s blaster and Luke and Leia’s lightsabers. She added them to the knapsack and fastened it, concealing the contents from view. She didn’t want Rose or Finn asking her any questions about what she had been doing.

Closing the cockpit, Rey took a deep breath and found her resolve.

At that moment, she made a decision. A decision which she couldn’t tell anyone else about. A decision that, as soon as she made it, immediately began to assuage the nebula inside of her.

Rey was going to bring Ben Solo back. Whatever it took.

She began her trek back to her room with an eerie smile on her face.  
  
  
  
_~*~  
  
  
  
__“Grandmother? Is it really you?” Ben knows it’s disrespectful to stare, but he’s fairly sure he hasn’t blinked since she told him her name. He can’t stop looking at her, can’t stop noticing everything they have in common, everything they don’t.  
  
_

_She smiles again. It’s nothing like his own. It is effortless, serene, radiant. He can’t help but to think how much he would’ve loved looking up to see it as a child. And then, he realizes he did. This smile is just like his mother’s, a spitting image. “Yes, Ben. It’s really me. I can’t tell you how happy I am to see you, really see you, up close, close enough to hold you in my arms like a proper grandmother would.” She even speaks like Leia.  
  
_

_“I’m happy to see you, too. Really, I mean it. I’ve dreamt of this for the longest time, but… I don’t understand. How are you here? Where_ is ‘ _here’? Why are we alone?”  
  
_

_Her gaze traverses the open space before landing back on Ben, her hands falling open into a presentational gesture as she begins, “This is the Netherworld of Unbeing, Ben. Vergence Scatter. The world between worlds. It’s a plane that exists outside of time and space, made up of multiple pathways that connect various points throughout them. It’s a kind of… extradimensional train station for the Force.”  
  
_

_“That’s… not confusing at all.”  
  
_

_She laughs. He’d forgotten he could do that, make people laugh, amuse them. He’d gotten so used to being nothing but a disappointment. “You’ll begin to comprehend it with time, wrap your mind around it all. It took me a while myself, but now… it makes sense.”  
  
_

_“How long have you been here?”  
  
_

_“About 50 standard years.”  
  
_

_Ben should have figured that. He knows she died when his mother was just a baby. He can’t imagine being stuck here for 50 standard years with nothing but this deafening silence to keep him company. “Have you been alone this whole time?”  
  
_

_“Not entirely, no, but for most of it. There was a girl, a Jedi, and another Jedi she knew, a boy, who passed through here while travelling through time together. They never even knew I was here, though. They were in… a bit of a hurry.” A smirk passes over her face as she relives the memory. There’s a story there. He’d have to ask about it later.  
  
_

_“Was there anyone before you?”  
  
_

_“I’m not sure of that if I’m being honest with you, Ben, but I would assume so. It’s highly unlikely that we’re the first to wind up here.” She makes their circumstances sound so… inevitable.  
  
_

_“And why did we, did_ I _… end up here?”_  
  


_She sighs at this as if she knew it was only a matter of time before he asked. “You broke the rules, Ben. The Force doesn’t appreciate when people defy its will. Rey was meant to have died there on Exegol, but you had other plans.” Crossing to stand right in front of him, she locks her eyes with his to ensure he follows what she has to say next. She gesticulates intelligently, the mark of a seasoned politician, as she continues, “You did something completely unprecedented, Ben. There’s no protocol for this because the only Force users who have ever tried to bring someone back from the dead have been Sith, and they were trying to do it for selfish reasons. The same way hatred fuels Force Lightning, it appears Force Resurrection is fueled by something else: true love. Selflessness. Devotion. The purest emotions.” She waves her hand around them significantly before motioning to Ben himself. “And it obviously requires you to sacrifice yourself in order to save the person you’re resurrecting. The Sith could never do something like that, and the Jedi would consider such a venture to be foolish. Your power came from choosing not to align yourself with either set of ideals, from following your heart.”_

_He takes in all that she’s saying, letting it permeate his mind. He is hanging on her every word. “What about you? How did you end up here?”_

_Something grim corrupts her luster for the briefest moment before she answers him. “Well, my circumstances were somewhat similar to yours but, instead of willingly sacrificing myself to save the person I loved, it was done to me forcibly. It was a… loophole of sorts. You see, while I was in labor with your mother and uncle, your grandfather was undergoing a medical procedure of his own after having fought his Jedi master. They were like brothers. Honestly, it’s probably easier to just think of him as your great uncle.”_

_His grandfather had fought his own Jedi master? A man who was like his family? Ben hates how familiar it all sounds. It makes him feel helpless, like he truly was fated to repeat his grandfather’s mistakes. He tries to focus on his grandmother’s story, to stop thinking of himself for a change._

_“Anyway, it was just after your grandfather had fallen to the Darkness. I don’t know many details because I was unconscious while they fought, but somehow, your great uncle defeated your grandfather, leaving him without multiple limbs, his skin completely burned, his body shutting down further with each passing moment.” The image seems to disturb them both, each of them taking a moment to steel themselves to it, breathing in and out slowly. Ben finds himself reaching for her hand, bolstering her. She squeezes his hand in return, grateful for his support, but he needs it just as much as she does. He realizes this must be the first time she’s ever told anyone this story. It’s a story he’s always longed to hear, the answer to a question that’s haunted him his entire life, yet now that he’s learning it, he’s scared of what it will teach him._

_He doesn’t have long to consider this because her resolve is returning, allowing her to carry on. “After that, your great uncle took me to the medcenter on Coruscant, where I went into labor. Unbeknownst to us at the time, Palpatine had also picked up your grandfather on Mustafar and transported him to his own medcenter, where med droids treated him. By the time they were done, Anakin was more machine than man. But your great uncle’s attack had taken its toll, and it was too late. Ani’s heart stopped. He was dead. So, from across the galaxy, Palpatine reached out to me with the Force and siphoned my life force to save your grandfather.”_

_Palpatine. Of_ course _. Ben shouldn’t be surprised that monster is responsible. He’d been a plague to Ben’s family tree since its very beginning. And to know exactly what Palpatine had done to the woman in front of him? Turning the man she loved to the Dark Side, taking his grandfather from her, making her witness his fall, before then taking her life? “Grandmother, that’s terrible. I’m so sorry.”_

_“I’m not.”_

_At first, he doesn’t think he heard her right, but he plays it back in his mind and knows that he did. “What do you mean? How can you be okay with what happened to you?”_

_She locks her eyes with his again, an act he is quickly starting to recognize as her tack to convey the importance of her ensuing words. “My dear Ben… if your grandfather had not lived, he would not have been saved by our son, and if he had not been saved, he would not have defeated the Emperor and restored the Republic. No matter how short the subsequent era of peace may have been, I would give my life a hundred times over if it meant saving Ani, preserving democracy, securing a future for my children… and their children. Just as I’m sure you would do for Rey.”_

Cheap shot _, he thinks. It’s probably best that he avoid all thoughts and talking points related to Rey for now. For his own sanity. He contemplates everything she’s told him, both about herself and about him. “So, when someone defies the Force’s will by saving the life of someone else, who was meant to die, it basically causes a glitch and lands them here?”_

_She beams at him. “Very good. You’ve always been so smart. I like to think you get that from my side of the family.”_

_“I’m sure I do…” He tries desperately not to preen himself on this tiniest of achievements, but he can’t begin to describe the joy that comes with hearing her praise. He isn’t sure of the last time he looked up to someone who didn’t see it as an opportunity to look_ down _on him. He turns away from her almost bashfully, hoping it only appears that he’s taking a look, getting to know his surroundings. He’s worried she can see right through him. “Speaking of being smart. How did you figure all of this out?”_

_She smoothly makes her way in front of him again, not allowing him to look away. Somehow, he appreciates it. “Since the world between worlds contains channels between time and space, it allows me to keep an eye on things in the Living Force, both past and present, even future, although I try not to drink from that hydropak too often if ever. It can drive you mad. I just figured out where to look and, eventually, I knew all I needed to know. I’ve been here, watching over your mother, your uncle, and you ever since.”_

_There’s a lot to unpack there, but his curiosity gets the best of him and reminds him of something she’d said earlier, something he couldn’t avoid any more if he really wanted to understand. “Wait a second, go back. You know about Rey?”_

_“Of course, I do. I know about everyone who’s come into my family’s lives…” She raises an eyebrow delightedly as she says, “Especially that one.”_

_“And what’s that supposed to mean?” Ben is blushing, he’s sure of it. Of course, the first chance she gets, his grandmother chooses to embarrass him. It almost makes him feel… fond?_

_“Oh, you_ know _what that’s supposed to mean.” Her raised eyebrow is accompanied by a smug grin now, and Ben is trying not to smile. Has he smiled for her yet? He decides to stop trying not to._

_“Just when I was beginning to like you, too.” A theatrical gasp escapes her, and she shoves him blithely by the shoulder. He laughs at the display and can’t believe the sound. When was the last time he laughed? He hasn’t the faintest clue._

_“Very funny, young man.” She looks amazed, proud, overwhelmed. Does she know how long it’s been since he laughed, too? She places her hand on his arm and shakes her head._

_He examines their environment again. “Grandmother, are we stuck here?”_

_She purses her lips, considering her response. “No, Ben, we’re not. I can move on to the Cosmic Force whenever I’m ready.”_

_“Then why haven’t you?”_

_“It’s… complicated and may even seem silly from your perspective.”_

_“Try me.”_

_She takes a deep breath. “Well, I wanted to wait for my children. When I pass into the Cosmic Force, I’ll be reunited with quite a few ghosts from my past, and I want to make sure I’ve had the chance to meet my children before I do that.” Her smile reappears at the thought of them, her children. He understands that. Before he stopped smiling altogether, after going to Snoke and joining the Knights of Ren, the thought of his mother, Leia, was all that could draw one out of him. She’s good for that. His grandmother’s voice pulled him from the wreckage of his own memory. “As desperately as I miss your grandfather, my Ani, he’s responsible for my having lost the chance to raise my children, to be with them all this time. Before I return to him, before we can be happy together, I need a chance to be happy with my children. Does that make sense?”_

_“It does.” All too much._

_She looks at him for a long moment and, for the second time since he turned back to the Light, he realizes someone is seeing him for who he truly is. She’s looking at him like he’s her grandson, like she loves him for that fact alone. She’s looking at Ben Solo. “You’re a lot less like your grandfather than you think. You know that?”_

_That’s not what he was expecting her to say, but he’s all too ready to answer her. He’s been thinking about this very concept ever since he tossed his lightsaber into the waves crashing against the ruins of the Death Star. “I’m… beginning to. But most of my life was spent with everyone around me walking on eggshells, afraid that he and I were exactly the same. What’s always stunned me about that is the fact that none of them ever really knew my grandfather. How could they know whether or not I was like him? Before they sent me away to train with Luke, all I wanted was to be a pilot like my father. I felt loved, unconditionally, by my family. My parents. Chewbacca. Lando. Uncle Luke.” She smiles at him, but there’s a knowing sadness in her eyes almost as if she were there. “Then, one day, I presented with Force sensitivity, and suddenly, I wasn’t Ben anymore. I was a remnant of Anakin, except I didn’t even know about my grandfather yet, so I had no idea why everyone was treating me like a walking pyrocracker. I certainly didn’t understand why I was sent away, why my parents didn’t… want me anymore.” His voice has grown ragged with all that he’s feeling from recalling his own childhood, how perfect it had been until, just like that, it wasn’t. “I guess that, once I found out about Darth Vader, found out what they were all so afraid of, I felt like a lost cause, like I had to prove them right to validate my own abandonment. Does_ that _make sense?”_

_She releases a shaky breath. “It does…” She lifts her eyes to meet his once again, but this time, she also reaches out and takes both of his hands. She suddenly looks so… tired. “Ben, I’ve been watching over you your entire life. I want you to know that… I love you so much, and I don’t blame you. If there was anything I could have done from up here to keep that man from hurting you… I would have. Your pain was mine. It was agony to watch you be…_ abused _like that. You did not deserve that. The guilt you carry with you now does not belong to you. It belongs to the man who groomed you, manipulated you, abused you to the point where you were willing to open yourself up to Darkness just to stop the pain.” Ben’s heart rate is picking up, his blood rushing in his ears, his lungs laboring to get a full breath. His grandmother drops his hands and brings her own up to hold his face so gently, like she knows how fragile he is at this moment. “Yes, your choices were your own, and I wish so badly that you had not made them, but I cannot confidently say that anyone else in your place would have done any differently. No one knows better than I do what the conflict between Light and Dark looks like up close, when that war is waging within someone’s heart. You fought so hard for so long… and you never gave in, not fully. Your eyes never turned amber, Ben.” She brings her thumbs up to brush underneath them then, wiping away tears he hadn’t yet realized were falling. “The Light never stopped fighting for its place inside you because the Light is in your nature. It’s who you are. You are Light, Ben. I need you to understand that. I need you to believe that. I need you to trust me.”_

_And with that the tears stop, his breathing calms, his heart resumes its normal rhythm. She means everything she said, and he knows that and, for now, that’s enough. “I’ll… try. Thank you.”_

_“Anytime.” She drops her hands back to her side, giving him space to collect himself._

_After a short time of wiping his face down with the sleeves of his tattered sweater, he is fully collected again. “So… we can move on whenever we’re ready. How do we know when that is?”_

_The purse from earlier returns to her lips as she says, “Well, actually, Ben. It’s not quite so simple for you.”_

_“What do you mean?”_

_She turns away from him and begins to walk, seemingly unsure of how he’ll take what she’s about to tell him. He follows after her. “You could move on if you’d like to, be with your family, your mother and father, but…” She stops in her tracks nearly causing him to run right into her. “You have another option, an option that I don’t.”_

_“Which is…?”_

_“To return to the Living Force and be with Rey.”_

_For a moment, his entire lexicon escapes him. He truly has no words. But then he manages to scrape a few together. “What… What are you talking about?”_

_Her eyes find his again. This is important. He’s listening. “You and Rey are a dyad in the Force, Ben. She has the ability to bring you back through your bond. If you want to, you can return to her.”_

_“I don’t understand.” He really doesn’t._

_“You don’t need to. Just know that I am telling you the truth. As soon as I discovered that you and Rey were a dyad, I looked back in time and studied the dyads of the past. She can save you, Ben. The same way you saved her.”_

_“I’m not sure what to say…” He’s really not. He can’t believe she did research on this. But then he_ can _because it’s exactly what he would’ve done._

_“You don’t have to say anything, and you don’t have to decide now. I know it’s not as simple as it seems. I know you want to be with your family. I know you’ve wanted nothing more than that for… so long. But that was before Rey. I won’t tell you what to do, Ben. I just need you to consider all your options before doing anything… rash. Okay?”_

_He doesn’t know what to feel. He’d convinced himself he needed to move on, let her go. He’d prepared himself for it and was ready to join his parents, his grandparents, his uncle, everyone in the Cosmic Force. He’s ready to find peace, to_ know _peace. If he’s being honest with himself, he’s been ready for it for a while. But the thought of having a chance at a life with Rey? It’s everything he’s ever wanted. He knows that. How is he supposed to choose between the two? He needs time. “...okay.”_

_All of a sudden, Padmé’s eyes are twinkling, her entire demeanor transformed into something rapturous, glowing. “Ah,_ there _she is. I was wondering when she’d arrive.” She whips her head around until she finds what she seeks, her body turning to join her gaze._

_“Who?”_

_She points straight forward, somewhere behind Ben. He twists to follow her direction and doesn’t have to search long before he sees what’s caught his grandmother’s attention. All at once, he understands the twinkle in Padmé’s eye, feels it shining from his own. She’s found him._

_“...Mom?”_

_Leia’s head turns at the sound of his voice, and their eyes meet. Hers immediately begin to brim with tears. He’s never known her as the type to cry, but this… this moment, the weight of it… It’s pure catharsis. She begins to walk toward him but is quickly distracted by something close behind him. Padmé. His grandmother and her—_

_“_ Mother? _”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! We're going to do our best to update once every week, although not necessarily seven days apart each time. We promise we won't leave you hanging! Xoxo


	3. Part 1: I Did Want to Take Your Hand, Chapter 3: The Moon Will Help You Remember

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A month after Rey's stint in the medbay, the leaders of the Resistance attempt to move forward, but what does that mean? What are their next steps?
> 
> And, now that they're finally reunited, what will Ben's mother have to say to him?

Finn awoke suddenly, hearing the door to his room open. Someone slipped in, briefly blocking the light from the hallway before shutting the door behind them. They stood still for a moment, trying to adjust their eyes to the darkness and, for a groggy split second, Finn wondered if it was finally Poe coming to see him, if Poe knew he had been dreaming about him, had been wanting him. But he quickly realized he was wrong because he could feel the Force signature of his visitor then, tired and sickly. “Rey?” She stiffened in the shadow of his room. Clearly, she was hoping he’d stay asleep. She didn’t want to talk about this. “It's okay,” he says, “Come here.”

She moved through the room quietly, bare feet padding across the floor and nightgown billowing around her legs. He rolled to his side and raised the covers so she could slip inside. Neither of them spoke as Rey settled against Finn’s bare chest. If he’d known she was going to need him that night, he would have been better dressed, but... she had been doing so much better. Or, at least, he _thought_ she had. She opened her mouth to speak, but he hushed her. “You don’t have to explain. It’s okay.” He rubbed her back with one hand as her breathing slowed and she fell asleep against him. In the quiet, Finn reflected back over the month that had passed since the battle on Exegol.

The first few nights after her release from the medbay, Finn had slept in Rey and Rose’s room. All of them—Finn, Rose, Poe, Chewie, even Connix—had taken shifts, trying to keep Rey in bed, getting her to drink more fluids and tempting her with food. They had... limited success. After three days, Rey declared she would go crazy if she stayed in bed anymore and appealed to Poe to be put on light duty. She didn’t technically have a rank under him, but she knew if he allowed it, the others wouldn’t argue… _much_. He conceded, allowing her to work on the astromech droids, but only if she kept D-0 with her in case of problems. She made her own schedule, and Poe found reasons to drop by every few hours during the first week. Either BB-8 wanted to see her or the mess had gotten a supply of some juice she might like or one of the Resistance members had found fever pills that might make her more comfortable… Finn knew these were all excuses, and Rey did as well. But neither they nor any of the others revealed to Poe that they saw through him. Poe was worried, Finn realized, and he cared a lot about Rey. Finn tried to give her independence, opting instead to keep tabs on her Force signature. If he felt anything wrong, he would leave meetings in an instant to be by her side. After those first nights, Rey had regained some of her confidence and quietly told him he could sleep in his room, that she’d be okay in her bed alone. 

It lasted for all of two hours before Finn woke up to Rose shaking him. Rey was screaming in her sleep. He made it to her room in record time, trying desperately to calm her down, wake her up, do _anything_ to soothe her. She kept muttering frantically as he tried to pull her focus off of whatever was tormenting her and onto him. He could only make out a few scattered words amidst her ramblings: “dyad”, “gone,” and “hand.” Finn finally managed to pull Rey into a sitting position and get her to open her eyes. They were fogged with fever and confusion. She wasn’t fully awake yet, but she kept talking. “I want to go home,” she whimpered into his shoulder, “I want to go home, Finn.” He took her recognizing him as a good sign, even as her skin burned against his, near searing. 

“Shhhh, sweetheart. You _are_ home. You’re safe here. You’re home with us.” 

“NO!” Rey whined. “It’s not home. It can’t be, not without _him_. He’s gone. I don’t have a home anymore. He’s gone, he’s gone.” Finn still had absolutely no idea who this “he” was. So, he simply held Rey until she came back to herself and seemed to wake up the rest of the way. Her fever was much worse than it had been during the day, but she was able to identify where she was, so that was good. Finn realized Rose was still standing at the door, clearly concerned. But looking at her closer, he realized she was exhausted. Taking care of Rey had taken its toll. 

“Rose, why don’t you stay with Kay for the night?” Finn proposed. “I’ll stay with Rey. I don’t have anything to do in the morning. That way we can all sleep. Just let Poe know what happened.” Rose looked to Rey, who nodded at her, giving her the permission she needed. Without a word, Rose slipped out the door. Finn turned back to Rey, feeling her forehead. Still burning with fever. “Who is gone?” he asked. “You keep telling me that, but you never say who it is...” Rey looked away from him. “ _Rey_. I’m not judging you or mad at you, I just... want to know what’s wrong.”

“I don’t know, Finn. It’s no one. Just part of the dreams. I don’t know what happens in them, and they’re gone when I wake up,” Rey said, staring blankly at the opposite wall as she spoke. Finn wasn’t stupid, he knew when he was being avoided, that she wasn’t being honest with him. But Rey’s tone brooked no argument. He thought it best not to question her any further.

“Okay,” he said. “We can talk more when you’re ready. But, right now, we need to try to get your fever down.” He fetched her pills and a cup of water, privately wondering if the medbay had anything to let her sleep without nightmares. He wet a small towel in cool water, wiping her face with it before resting it on the back of her neck. He kept talking as he sat with her, telling her about the planets he’d seen on Resistance missions, the planets he and Poe would take her to when she was well again. After about an hour, he saw her eyelids start to droop. “Let’s get some sleep,” he suggested, turning out the light. Rey curled up against him. Finn lay awake for a long time after she fell asleep, pondering how in the name of the Force he could help her. 

Over the next few weeks, Rey seemed to improve as the Resistance itself healed. After the first week, Rose didn’t have to come get him anymore. Either he sensed when Rey needed someone, or, like tonight, she was able to come to him. Her fever was lower, and her color started to return. Finn had even seen her smile and laugh. But her Force signature still felt sick, and he knew they weren’t out of the woods yet. She worked on the droids and went about her normal life, but she was not the Rey he knew. 

Poe wasn’t acting like himself either, wasn’t acting like the man he had adored since they escaped together the year before. Finn walked in on him the week before yelling at _Commander D’Acy_ of all people, berating her about some lack of intelligence received from sources within the last of the First Order. He had stepped in, suggesting sending some of the pilots for recon. Poe grunted an agreement before stalking off. BB-8 followed him, beeping an apology to Finn. Finn reassured D’acy that she’d done just fine, that Poe was just tense from the pressures of leadership. He suggested she and her wife take the rest of the day off and she left looking a little bit lighter. Crisis averted. For _that_ day, at least.

It wasn’t just the pressures of leadership getting to Poe. He had seen the bloodshot eyes and smelt the liquor on his breath. Poe had been drinking much more in the month since they fought the Final Order. Never during the day and never enough that he appeared drunk in public, but Finn knew Poe. He knew something wasn’t right. On top of the drinking, suddenly Zorii Bliss seemed to be spending a lot of time around Poe. Finn was jealous, he wouldn’t lie. He wanted Poe to confide in _him_ , not Zorii. He wanted Poe to tell _him_ what was wrong. Finn needed Poe, needed him badly. But approaching him? Confronting him? Finn wasn’t confident enough to do that. A month ago, he was willing to face down death, but now... he was too scared to talk to his own friend or… whatever Poe was to him. Finn sighed and, pulling Rey closer to his chest, finally fell asleep. 

~*~

People should really know better than to ask him questions before caf, Poe thinks. He has spent a decade in the military and is usually ready to move on a moment's notice. This does not mean he is ready to _talk_ to people on a moment's notice, especially not when they’ve just woken him up by knocking on his door _this_ early in the morning. In response to the knock, Poe got out of bed and yanked on his flight suit, the first thing he could find. He yanked open the door. Beaumont Kin was on the other side, fist raised to knock again. “What,” Poe snapped, “do you want?” 

The scholar looked nervous. “Rose and Kaydel—Sorry, _Commander Tico_ and _Major Connix_ sent me to talk to you, sir. Commander Antillies has intel for you.” Poe sighed. He’d been wanting to talk to Wedge but had been giving the family space to process their grief. Of course, Wedge would finally be ready to talk at the crack of dawn when Poe hadn’t slept well. He ran a hand through his hair. 

“Okay,” he puffed out, “Tell Commander Antilles that I will meet with him this morning in my office. I’ll alert the other general. Dismissed.” Kin scurried away. Poe sighed again. Or maybe it was a yawn. He couldn’t be sure at this hour. It was going to be another long, tiring day, and all he wanted was a kriffing cup of caf and for the water in the ‘fresher to be reasonably hot. 

Poe ended up having to settle for lukewarm water, deciding it was, at least, better than sonic cleaning. He dressed with a bit more care than usual, wanting to look like a respectable officer when he asked Wedge to stay on with the Resistance. While decorum generally wasn’t the strong point of the Resistance, Poe had been mentored by Leia Organa. He knew how to make an impression. 

Yesterday hadn’t been a great day for the Resistance. Poe had pilots flying simple recons around the galaxy to determine First Order location and numbers. One of the squadrons had gotten into some trouble near Takodana. They had been engaged by stray TIE fighters and lost Clemitt Polus and Miller Worlens. These losses, as with all the losses they’d withstood since he became a general, weighed heavily on Poe. He’d had a few drinks with the other pilots in their memory and returned to his room. He intended on having a few more drinks there, but Zorii had interrupted him. She took the bottle from him and made him talk to her. All of his fears had spilled out of him as she listened. Fears that they couldn’t bring peace back to the galaxy. Fears that the next loss might be Finn or Rey or her. Fears about what ending the war for good might cost. Poe had even noticed he was greying around his temples. He didn’t consider himself a vain man, but seeing this change in himself had shocked him. Zorii just listened to him and sat with him for as long as he needed, as she had often since the day he’d tried to kiss her. She understood he needed a friend who didn’t see him as an officer or a leader. He was just Poe to her, like he had been before.

Today would be better, Poe decided, hurrying down the hall. It had to be. He turned the corner and stopped dead. Finn was standing in his doorway, wearing his sleeping pants but no shirt. Leaving the room, barefoot and in her nightgown, was Rey. Poe felt acid coating his veins. He didn’t need to see this… He knew they spent nights together but this… this was too much for him. He swallowed hard, pulling himself together. He couldn’t be mad at Rey for wanting to be with Finn, not when Poe desperately wanted the very same thing. She saw him as she approached the corner, smiling at him. “Morning, Poe,” she called to him. 

“Hi, Honey,” he replied, overly courteous to her as always. She headed back in the direction of her room as Finn stepped out of the doorway. 

“Hey, Poe…” he started, but Poe cut in. 

“Wedge needs to talk to us as soon as possible. Get dressed and head for my office.” Poe turned on his heel and headed for the mess. He needed that damned caf.

Ten standard minutes later, Poe made it to his office, caf in hand, to find Wedge Antilles waiting for him. Poe had great respect for Wedge. He’d fought and flown alongside his parents in the Rebellion before training pilots for the New Republic, including Poe himself. He had even returned, twice now, to the Resistance when they had needed him most. 

“Commander,” Poe began formally, “how are you and Norra holding up?” Poe could still see the strain on the older man’s face. 

“We’re... doing all right. We went back home briefly, after, but Norra wasn’t ready to see all of Snap’s things yet. She’s doing better here, being around people.”

“That’s actually something I wanted to talk to you about,” Poe said, pleased it had come up so quickly. “I need more experienced people. I’d like you and Norra to stay on with us, to help us as advisors. We really need you. To make peace. For Leia.” _And for Snap_. He added silently, knowing Wedge would know what he meant. Wedge gave Poe a long look, calculating his response. 

“I’ve been doing this a long time, Poe,” Wedge started. “I fought the Empire as a young man, and I was proud to do it. When Snap joined the Resistance, I was scared but still so _proud_ , proud that he was fighting for a better future for any children he might have one day.” Poe stood transfixed by the emotion in Wedge’s voice. “I… Well, I won’t have grandkids now. But somewhere out there… there is a child who needs a future. I’ll stay, Poe. Norra will, too. She’s been talking about it. Once, her son took up her cause… Now she’s taking up his.” Poe, without a word, crossed and embraced Wedge. The old pilot and the young, holding it together for their cause, to honor those they’d loved and lost. 

When they broke apart, Wedge took a seat by the desk. Finn slipped in the door quietly, obviously having come straight out of the refresher. Poe raised his caf to him, a sign that he was in a better mood. Finn’s smile told him his morning grumpiness was forgiven. Poe bit his lower lip. Finn looked good in his uniform, and it was... _distracting_. Trying to banish the thought, Poe took his usual seat behind his desk and opened his datapad to take notes. 

“I’ve been in touch with some old contacts of mine back on Corellia,” Wedge began. “As you know, the planet had been besieged by the First Order. We saw the effects of this when we obtained the list of Resistance members being sold there. Corellia rose up, though, and has mostly reclaimed their system. However, there is valuable First Order information there at risk of being lost or destroyed. I think, generals, that you should consider sending a team to get it.”

Poe contemplated this. He knew they needed information and this seemed like a way to get a lot of it without much risk to the Resistance. “What do you think, Finn? Should we plan a mission to Corellia?”

“It seems like a good idea,” he said, “but who should we send?”

“I need some action,” Poe replied, “I’ll go.” 

“I’m coming with you then,” Finn replied. “Wedge, what do you say? Feel like going back to Corellia?”

He chuckles, “How about I fly you there so you have back up? This is a younger man’s game, but I’m not dead yet.”

“Deal,” Poe agrees. “I bet Chewbacca will go, and—” Suddenly, the door opens and Rey pops in. She’s fully dressed now and looks quite happy. Not perfectly healthy but much better. 

“Poe, I needed to ask you something!” She noticed the other men in the room and blushed. “Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt.” 

“That’s fine. We were about finished. Finn, can you go ask Chewie about the mission to Corellia sometime this week? We’ll meet later to plan. Dismissed.” Finn and Wedge headed for the door. Poe purposefully kept his gaze on his desk, not wanting to see if Finn and Rey were interacting. When he heard the door shut, he raised his eyes to Rey who was still there, waiting patiently to speak with him. 

“You can sit down, Rey,” he teased. “The desk may look nice, but it doesn’t magically transform me into a stern general or anything. I’m still the same old Poe.” 

“Just feeling restless,” she confessed, “I don’t have a lot of energy, but I also don’t want to stay still.”

“Why don’t you walk with me then?” Poe asked. “I could use the air.” 

Rey followed him as he led out the door of the office and into the edge of the jungle, where he took her back to a path by a small pond. “Leia used to take me out here, to talk through strategy,” Poe said, indicating a log where he and the former general would sit. “I haven’t come back since…”

“I miss her, too.” Rey said quietly. 

“What did you need to ask me, Rey?” Poe changed the subject as they circled the pond.

“I need to leave. To go on a trip. I was meditating, and... I finally heard it. My kyber crystal.”

Now, this intrigued Poe. He knew kyber crystals were what powered a Jedi’s lightsaber, but he had never heard anyone talk about how they found them. “You heard it?” he asked. 

“Yes. It’s hard to explain. But it _calls_ to the Jedi who is destined to use it. You don’t hear it until you’re ready, until you’re meant to.”

“What do you need to do?” 

“Kaydel is helping me figure out which system the song is coming from, and I’m pouring over the old Jedi texts for possible hot spots, places that are known to have kyber crystals. She’s suspecting Dantooine. I need to go there and get it. I’d like to go alone, but I know you won’t allow it, so I’d like to take Rose with me. We’ll only be gone a day or two.”

“I think that sounds fine,” Poe agreed, finding it humorous that she had managed to make a plan specifically designed to get his permission. “When do you want to leave?”

“Tomorrow.”

“When you get back, can I take the Falcon? We need to go to Corellia, and it blends in there.”

“Of course. As long as you _promise_ not to lightspeed skip.” She smiled at him, softening her barbed comment.

“Between you and me, Chewbacca would rip my arms off if I tried.”

“I’d probably help him,” she laughed. “Thank you, Poe. I’m going to go back to the texts and see what else I can find. I just know this is my crystal’s song.”

Poe watched her go, hoping that her crystal’s song was an omen of how they would all begin to make things right. 

~*~

Rose felt the jolt as the Falcon pulled out of hyperspace.

“We’re here.” Lifting her hand off the throttle, Rey relaxed in her seat, pausing to take in the view of their destination: Dantooine. Rey had been able to triangulate the system that the song was resonating from by identifying the remaining places which were known to contain kyber crystals and reaching out toward each of them with the Force. Upon further research within the Jedi texts that Luke Skywalker had left behind, Rey had also discovered that there was an entire cave of crystals on this particular planet.

Rose wondered if Rey could hear it right now. Her crystal’s song. She wondered how it sounded, if it was nagging or if it was more pleasant, like the warbling of a humming peeper on Endor that calls you to its source. She wondered, but she didn’t ask because she didn’t want to pressure Rey. The song seemed to be very personal. If Rey wanted to tell Rose about it, she would.

Rey’s voice shook her from her musing. “Can you believe this was the site of the very first rebel base?”

She smiled at Rey, always so amazed at the dichotomy between Rey’s ferocity as a warrior and dewy-eyed innocence in instants like this. Instants where the lonely girl from Jakku saw something in person that she’d only ever heard stories about before. There was so much Rey knew, so much she had taught herself during those years spent as a scavenger, most of it about survival, but there was also so much she didn’t know, so much she’d never seen, never experienced, only dreamt of. Rose felt privileged every time she witnessed a moment when Rey’s imaginings were finally replaced by truth and actuality. This was one of those times. “According to Kaydel’s communications, Dantooine was one of the planets whose citizens revolted against the First Order and took back their homes. That’s why the blockade is gone now. We shouldn’t have any trouble landing.”

Rey nodded in understanding, then took the controls of the Falcon back into her hands, starting their descent into Dantooine’s atmosphere. They touched down, without disruption, onto the spot their maps identified as the Khoonda Plains. Rey flipped the switch to lower the boarding ramp, but she didn’t get up immediately. She simply sat there in silence, breathing in and out. She was taking it all in, Rose realized. All the green outside the cockpit’s window. Rose had noticed how much Rey loved plant life, entirely different from the desolate wasteland she grew up in. She’d once told Rose that, living there for so long, she’d become afraid her heart had assimilated itself to the environment, turned just as desiccated and barren as the world around her. But once she saw Takodana for the first time, saw its flora, she felt a connection to all that _life_ , felt the Force, and she knew she was still alive, that her heart had only gone dormant, not extinct. At that moment, her heart woke up. And Rose could see its light now, emanating from within her as she looked out on the Dantooinian horizon, brighter than she’d seen it in quite some time.

“Are you ready, Rey?” Rose asked softly.

Rey tore her eyes from the sight in front of her. “I am,” she sighed, making to stand, then slinging the knapsack she’d started carrying over her shoulder and heading for the ramp. Rose followed, knowing that, from there on, Rey would be her guide. They were close to their goal.

Disembarking from the Falcon, Rose watched Rey’s head as it tilted slightly, a signal that she was listening for something. Then, all at once, her head snapped to the right, and she started walking south toward an opening in the earth. It seemed to lead into an underground tunnel of some kind. Rose wasn’t exactly thrilled about going underground, due to a mild case of claustrophobia, but she promised Rey she would be there for her, and Rose Tico never broke a promise. Rey led her down into the tunnel, unclipping one of the two sabers from her belt and igniting it to create a light source.

Rose wasn’t sure how long they walked, Rey stopping at each fork in the tunnel to listen before discovering the proper direction and marching off like a shot again. Eventually, though, Rey came to an abrupt stop, her shoulders heaving up and down. Rose knew they’d made it. “What are you waiting for, Rey?”

“Nothing, I just…” Her hand tightened around the lightsaber she was holding, knuckles going white, but her face was splitting into a wide grin. “I wish you could hear it, Rose. We’re about to enter the crystal cave, so the song, my crystal’s song, is concentrated here, and… it’s just beautiful. Have you ever heard a bes’bev before, Rose?” Rose shook her head, and Rey hummed an acknowledgement. “It’s a Mandalorian instrument, a flute, and it acts both as a conduit for song and as a weapon. A Mandalorian visited Jakku once, a notorious bounty hunter. He carried a bes’bev with him and, to anyone who didn’t know any better, it looked completely innocent, including me. The hunter had arrived when I was still quite young, still newly orphaned. I was sitting, cleaning the small parts I’d managed to scavenge that day, when I heard him start playing. He was seated on the edge of the trough that the happabores would drink from. I was quickly mesmerized and moved toward him, abandoning my parts at the cleaning station. He took note of me, turning his masked head and nodding in my direction, but continued playing. It was the first time I’d felt happy in so long. I remember feeling such pure, unadulterated glee while he played. 

“Ultimately, though, the moment was ruined because, while I was distracted, someone saw an opportunity to steal the parts I’d scavenged. I turned around and caught them in the act, screaming at them to stop. Only then did the Mandalorian quit playing. He sauntered over to the thief, grabbed him by the back of his neck and held the sharp end of the bes’bev to his throat. Then, he looked at me and nodded towards my parts. I ran over and collected them all, placing them back in my bag. I craned my head upward to meet his gaze with mine, on the verge of tears, and he nodded at me again, releasing the thief. Somehow, he could tell just from the look in my eyes that I didn’t want that man to die. And he respected that. And, because of that, I respected him. After the thief had run off, the bounty hunter crouched in front of me. He told me that he was a foundling, a child who’d been abandoned and was discovered by others who cared for him, raised him. He told me he had his own foundling to get back to and offered to take me with him. I cried because there was a very large part of me which wanted to accept his offer, but I was still so certain my family would come back for me. So, I turned him down.

“He was very understanding, of course, and even offered to leave me with the bes’bev, to have something to entertain me while I waited for my family to return. But I told him I couldn’t. His foundling deserved to hear its music more than I did. He left, and I never saw him again, but that day… I learned there are good people who kill.”

Rey’s arms had come to wrap around herself as if she needed a hug but wasn’t willing to ask for it. Rose didn’t need any more convincing than that. She walked up and embraced Rey from the side, leaning her head on Rey’s shoulder. “Thank you for telling me that.”

“I’ve never told anyone that before. Thank you for letting me.” Rose’s heart clenched painfully. Not for the first time, she wished she could live inside Rey’s mind. Just for a little while. Just long enough so that, at any given moment, she would know exactly what to say, what to do in order to make her best friend happy. Then, Rey relaxed in Rose’s arms and spoke again, “Anyway, the song. It sounds like a bes’bev, and I wonder if it’s because of that story, because of how happy it made me.”

Before Rose had the chance to respond, Rey gently broke free of her arms and walked into the cave. Following her inside, Rose couldn’t believe what she was seeing. The crystal cave sparkled at every turn, the walls, the ground, and the roof completely covered in protruding jewels of varying colors. It was enchanting. But how was Rey supposed to find her crystal among such a smorgasbord?

Rose watched as Rey held her saber-less hand out, her eyes closed, her feet moving deftly around the crystals sticking out of the ground. Of course. The _Force_. It would guide her because it had chosen the crystal for her. Rose liked to think of it as a sort of destiny. 

And just like that, Rey was grasping a crystal from the Northernmost wall and yanking it out of its hold. She held the crystal, floating, in her palm and turned back to Rose, her eyes sparkling with delight, an open-mouthed smile adorning her face. Rose started jumping up and down and clapping her hands like she was a little girl again, like she did the first time she’d watched Paige fly. Because she was _proud_. She may not understand the ins and outs of being a Jedi or how the Force connects everything, but she knew how important it was for Rey to do this, to find her own crystal, to truly begin her own journey. She was happy that Rey was happy. She felt like this might be the first step on Rey’s road to real recovery from whatever she’d been through.

But then Rey was looking back down at the crystal and her face was falling, her eyes losing their luster. Suddenly, her forehead was creasing, her nostrils flaring, her jaw clenching. “Rey, what’s wrong?”

Rey cleared her throat and worked her mouth for a moment while continuing to stare at the crystal. “It’s just that I…” She closed her eyes and tilted her head back, exasperated, unsure how to go on as if she were afraid of hurting Rose’s feelings. “I wish—”

“You wish _he_ were here.” Rose still didn’t know who “he” was, the one who was “gone,” who haunted Rey, but she could always tell when he crossed Rey’s mind because it was always moments like this, moments where something good was happening to her, moments she wished she could be sharing with him. Rose desperately wanted to know, of course, but it was something Rey had made abundantly clear she was not comfortable discussing.

“Yes, Rose… I do.”

Rose walked up and gently closed Rey’s palm with both of her hands, securing the crystal in their shared grip. “Then I wish he were here, too.”

Rey gave her a half-hearted smile. “Thank you, Rose.”

Rose kissed the back of Rey’s hand before nodding toward the cave’s entrance. “Let’s get out of here.”

~*~

The Falcon’s sublight engine roared to life as Rey pulled up on the yoke and lifted the starship off the ground.

She was about to kickstart the hyperdrive and begin the journey back to base when something caught her eye, something off in the distance of the Dantooinian landscape: a downed Star Destroyer. “Rose, do you see that?”

Rose’s head whipped up from the datapad she’d been reading to look out the cockpit’s transparisteel window. She squinted and said, “I’m not sure. What should I see?”

Rey rolled her eyes fondly and pointed toward her discovery. “It’s one of the First Order’s Star Destroyers! It must have been gunned down during the Dantooinians’ revolt.” And then she was struck with an idea. “You know what sounds fun?” Rose’s eyes went wide at Rey’s use of the word “fun,” which she tried desperately not to take offense at. She knew it’d been a while since she’d exhibited a certain level of jollity. She raised a playful eyebrow at Rose and continued, “Some good, old-fashioned scavenging.”

Rose giggled, “Really?”

“Yes, really!”

“Well, let’s do it! I’d love to see you in your element, Miss _Skywalker_.” Rey could tell Rose got a real kick out of the last name she’d chosen for herself. Rey thought she’d get her own kick out of it, thought it might start to make her feel better, but so far… it wasn’t working. All it did was remind her that the family she desperately wanted to belong to was gone. But she couldn’t take it back now. She didn’t really want to either. She still wanted to be a part of that family, even if it meant she was all that was left of it…

Rey pulled back down on the Falcon’s yoke, steering in the direction of the Star Destroyer’s remains. She touched them down just aside from the ship’s middle, where it had clearly split in half on its descent from space. Most of the ship was mangled, damaged beyond repair or even recognition, but the command bridge remained nigh fully intact. _That_ is where they would stake their claim. She stepped off the Falcon’s boarding ramp in a hurry, amped up by the opportunity to go back to her old self for a while, to search for the hidden treasure inside of something that seems broken and valueless. It was her original gift. Before she knew the Force was real, before she became a Jedi. This was what she’d been good at. This was what had come so naturally to her that it kept her alive for almost fifteen years. “Come on, Rose,” she called out, waving her arm toward the command bridge, “Most of it’s a lost cause, but up there? They could have information stored that would help us flush the First Order out of the galaxy for good!” And Rey began to climb.

“I trust you,” Rose called back to Rey’s shrinking form. 

Rey didn’t wait for Rose. She knew her friend would eventually catch up with her and, if anything happened, she would sense it through the Force. She was just too _excited_. The climb itself was a blur of adrenaline and, next thing she knew, she was ascending onto the command bridge’s upper level through one of the broken viewports. 

Once her feet hit the floor, though, she had to pause and absorb everything she was seeing. Luckily, there were no bodies lying around. It appeared the crew on this specific vessel had the wherewithal to admit defeat and launch escape pods before it was too late. Despite the ship’s ruined state, the command bridge still had power, lights blinking all over the place from damage control to navigation to weapons to the fuel computer. After some searching, she eventually came upon what she’d been hoping for: the main communications terminal. This would contain any transmissions between this and other First Order vessels. Surely, it would bear some strategic fruit to aid the Resistance as they bring the war to a proper close. Rey took a moment to get to know the communications terminal, taking note of all the signage on all the controls, before figuring out which switch would pull up the transmission log and flipping it. She swiped through the most recent logs, picking one at random from only a couple of days before the logs cut off, when the ship clearly fell. The holoprojector whirred to life, playing the message she’d selected, and her heart thudded painfully at the image before her:

> _“This is Supreme Leader Kylo Ren sending an update from The Finalizer. We are currently within the atmosphere of a planet known as Kijimi. There are known Resistance fugitives hiding out here and, with them, comes the possibility that we may fall under attack. Hold your positions for now but be prepared to make the jump to hyperspace if we require your assistance in battle. In the meantime, the Knights and I are headed to the surface to hunt for the Scavenger.”_

The transmission froze at the end, the former Supreme Leader’s likeness lingering in the air. Rey’s head was swimming. She was clutching her stomach, ready to double over with the intensity of the nausea that had suddenly come over her. She felt cold. So, so cold. And she was shaking again. Losing control. She couldn’t stop staring at the holoprojection of him. Catching her off guard and scrabbling at the fresh stitches on her heart, doing its level best to undo the sangfroid she’d worked so hard to build over the past month. She knew she was crying, even though she couldn’t feel it, couldn’t hear her own whimpering, the world completely hushed in her stupor, almost tranquil if not for the harrowing anguish of it all. The holoprojector did him no justice, couldn’t capture his peculiar pulchritude, so unique to him, so completely different from any person she’d ever known before or after him. She looked closer, through blurred vision, and noticed the scar he still had when he’d sent this transmission, the scar she’d healed on the ruins of the Death Star. Rey was sure she’d give almost anything to go back there, to turn back time, to—

“It’s _him_ , isn’t it…?” Rey had been so engrossed by the sight before her, so deaf to all else around her because of the blood rushing in her ears, that she hadn’t detected Rose catching up to her and climbing onto the command bridge to join her. She was immediately frantic, shutting off the transmission and turning toward her friend. “ _Kylo Ren_ is the one who’s gone, isn’t he? The one you wish you could be with? He’s… your home?” 

Rey wasn’t sure what she was thinking, but she didn’t even give her friend the chance to understand, too afraid of Rose’s judgment, too afraid of Rose getting in the way of her plans to bring him back. She swept her hand through the air and spoke placidly, _“You will forget I ever suggested scavenging this Star Destroyer. You will forget you ever saw it. You will forget I ever mentioned it to you. You will forget everything between our departure from the cave and our departure from this planet.”_

And Rose did forget. She was none the wiser, back in the Falcon, back to being delighted over Rey’s crystal and chatting about what Finn and Poe must’ve gotten up to while she and Rey were gone.

But Rey did not forget. 

And no matter what she did… she couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something rotten inside of her.

~*~

_“Hello, Leia.” Padmé’s voice is no louder than a whisper and, for once, she is not smiling. Instead, her eyes paint a picture of astonishment and awe, unshed tears shining, highlighting the image. It looks as if the heavens themselves have opened, as if she has found the answer to everything right in front of her, as if all that ever went wrong in her life was worth it just to be here now… with her baby girl. And it’s one of the most beautiful things Ben has ever seen._

_He considers the time Padmé has spent in this place, this world between worlds, waiting for this exact moment. He considers what it would feel like to wait fifty years to finally hold your child for the first time. The thought alone agonizes him. There’s a part of him that wonders how much of this is the will of the Force, if he’s meant to be here, witnessing this moment. He wonders this because, in considering his grandmother’s circumstances and the pain that it caused her to go without being able to love her child up close, to watch her child’s life from afar and be powerless to help her for so long, he is forced to face the pain he put his mother through. Ben has much to atone for, and he knows that but… perhaps this most of all._

_His attention is brought back to the women in front of him as his mother begins walking again, her initial shock having thawed into the purest, most childlike joy, something he’s certain he’s never seen her express before. Her eyes are wide and glossy, her mouth set with a syrupy sweet grin, though her lower lip trembles. Ben wonders if this is how he would’ve looked had he turned back to the Light sooner, had he been able to reunite with his mother in the Living Force. As Ben’s thoughts continue to race, so too do Leia and Padmé’s feet, bringing them closer to each other until, finally, Leia is in her mother’s arms._

_He isn’t sure exactly how long they hug, only that it can never be long enough, can never make up for all the time they lost. They separate, but their arms remain wrapped around each other’s waist, unwilling to let go of a dream made true._

_Leia speaks now, her voice brittle and croaky, a sign of her age, “Mother, I… I don’t…” After a few seconds of stammering and searching for what to say, she and Padmé burst into elated, hysterical laughter. It’s all so absurd and so achingly lovely. Ben almost wants to look away, to provide them some privacy… but only almost. He simply keeps his distance, observing. Leia tries again, “I’m sorry, it’s just… it’s hard to articulate so many years’ worth of yearning. Nothing I can say now feels like it would be adequate, like it would really help you understand how much I’ve longed to meet you, to know you, to tell you how grateful I am that, not only did I have an amazing mother and father while I was alive, but I had you to look forward to all these years. After I learned who you were, the thought of dying never truly scared me because I knew you would be waiting for me, and I… I couldn’t wait to meet you.” It sure didn’t seem hard for her to articulate, but then his mother_ always _had a way with words._

_Padmé’s brilliant smile returns. It’s tender and surprised and_ amazed _. Ben can tell that, whatever she’d expected his mother to say, it wasn’t that. She gently takes Leia’s face in her hands and says, “My darling girl. The galaxy has never known a more magnificent, formidable, awe-inspiring, or extraordinary person than you. You are all I could’ve asked for and_ so much more _. But we have time. We have_ eternity _. There are more pressing matters to be dealt with now.” Her hands drop from Leia’s face, but her eyes say they’ll continue their conversation later._

_Leia nods, turning to look directly at Ben. Her eyes fall on him, and she smiles, not syrupy sweet like when she smiled at his grandmother but in that compassionate way which, coming from anyone besides your mother, would seem pitying. And that’s all it takes. One look into his mother’s eyes where he finds, not hatred or disgust or disappointment or anger or anything else he expected but understanding, sympathy…_ love _. That’s all it takes for the knot inside his chest to loosen and allow him to breathe again. That’s all it takes to know that she never stopped being his mom._

_Ben practically runs to her, reaching her in mere seconds. He immediately envelops her in his arms, holding her tightly to himself and lifting her into the air. She laughs, and the sound of her laughter cracks him open inside, setting loose all the tenderness and warmth that had been trapped there. He keeps her in his arms for a long moment, sighing deeply before delicately setting her back down. Leia’s tiny hand lifts to cup his face, and a sob catches in his throat as he covers her hand with his own, nuzzling into her touch. His eyes close and, for a while, she just lets him_ be _, lets him inhale and exhale, completely carefree. Eventually, he manages to open his eyes again, his mother still gazing at him with all the affection that she possesses._

_She takes in their surroundings, the celestial loophole he’s found himself in. A smirk develops on her face – quintessential Leia – as she asks, “Are you ever going to do what I expect you to, young man?”_

_And then_ he’s _grinning. Syrupy sweet. “Where’s the fun in that?”_

_“Only you could manage_ this _level of defiance, Ben.” She rolls her eyes playfully. “As soon as I entered the Cosmic Force, I went looking for you. When I couldn’t find you, everyone told me you hadn’t arrived, that they hadn’t seen you. Imagine my surprise when your uncle walked up to me and said that you’d gotten yourself stuck here!”_

_He shrugs, “Sorry, Mom.” It’s been so long since he called her that. It feels good._

_Sighing dramatically, she waves a dismissive hand through the air. “Ah well, that’s life with the Solo men, isn’t it? Endless frustration… and boundless adoration.” Her words, grouping him together with his father, somehow sting while being their own remedy. She takes a small step back, looking him over and shaking her head. “I can’t believe how_ tall _you are. Force knows where you get that from.”_

_Padmé chimes in then, “That’d be Anakin.” Instantaneously, a stormy look passes over Leia’s face, and his grandmother seems to deeply regret having spoken. But this reminds Ben of something he needs to ask his mother. It’s important to him._

_“Mom, can I ask you something?” Leia nods, curious. “Do you still hate your father?”_

_“My father?”_

_“Darth Vader, or I guess… Anakin Skywalker.” Padmé takes this as her cue to step away and give the two of them some privacy._

_“That’s complicated, Ben.” Her features are set in an intense frown._

_Ben looks around at the place they’re both in. “I mean... I’ve got time.”_

_She chuckles, “I guess we do.” He can see that she’s unsettled by this particular topic of conversation, and he would never ask this of her if her imminent answer weren’t so significant to what he’s dealing with. “The first thing you have to know, Ben, is that… for a_ long _time, after we first met, I didn’t_ know _Darth Vader was my father. Our first meeting…” The stormy look returns as she clears her throat. “I told you your father and Uncle Luke rescued me from the Death Star, but there was more than that. Vader tortured me… in hopes that I would reveal the location of the rebel base. Then, when I wouldn’t, I was forced to watch my planet—” She looks at Ben, “_ our _planet… be destroyed with my mother and father on it. I was only 19 years old. If Han and Luke hadn’t shown up… Well, he had me scheduled to be terminated.”_

_Ben feels nauseated. The idea of his mother being hurt, no matter how far he fell, was never something he could accept. “His own daughter?”_

_“He didn’t know. I’m honestly not sure if_ anyone _knew at that point, except the remaining Jedi. Over the next three years, life for me, for your father, and for your uncle was just trying to keep ahead of the Empire and, with that, Vader. Even happy moments were diluted by it. Then, we were captured on Cloud City. Your father was tortured, frozen in carbonite, and given to one of the galaxy’s most notorious gangsters as a trophy. But we got him back. On Endor, Luke told me that Darth Vader was his father, and I… was his sister. I had no time to process the news before the battle began. During the battle, the second Death Star was destroyed, and after that, the Empire’s hold on the galaxy had slackened. Luke came back to tell me that Darth Vader, our father, had redeemed himself in the end and helped bring about the Empire’s downfall.”_

_For the second time, Ben recognizes the similarity between he and his grandfather’s paths._

_“Luke forgave him, but I… couldn’t. Maybe if I had seen him change, had seen him turn back to the Light, I’d have believed it the way Luke did and been able to forgive what Vader had done. But I couldn’t accept that a parent would do such a terrible thing to their child. When I thought of him, it was the needle of an interrogation droid and the flash as my home was destroyed. Instead of working through that trauma, I bottled it all up, so the memory of Vader continued to terrify me. And as I became a parent, it only validated my feelings. I would_ never _let anything hurt you like Vader hurt me, not if I could help it. As you grew, though, I saw… flashes of Dark in you. Maybe a stronger mother, a better mother would have known what to do, but I didn’t. I didn’t know they were grooming you. All I knew was that my son was in danger of becoming the one thing I feared most. So, I believed Luke when he told me that training you, no matter how much I hated to see you go, was the only way to save you. I let the old, romantic notion of the Jedi convince me that sending my son away at only ten years old was the right thing to do.”_

_Ben feels his mother’s gaze return to him, pulled out of her memories and back to reality. He’s turned away from her, tightening his hands into fists, trying desperately not to cry, not to make her feel guilty because that’s not the purpose of this exercise. He doesn’t blame his mother anymore. He knows that all the disparaging things he once believed about his parents aren’t true. He knows that Snoke was lying to him. He_ knows _that._

_“I had to convince your father to let you go. And I regretted it. When we looked at you, all we should have seen was our son. Instead… we saw the Darkness that had tortured us both. When my father’s identity was leaked to the galaxy, I regretted not telling you, Ben, because it made you vulnerable, opened you up to the people you believed had been most honest with you, allowed them to take you… hurt you. And I did nothing to stop it. I was as bad as Vader.”_

_Ben can’t let her go on like this, can’t let her think so poorly of herself. “Mom…” He takes her hand. “You’re nothing like Vader, and you_ don’t _have to forgive him. He_ hurt _you.”_

_“And I hurt you. But sometimes forgiveness isn’t acceptance, Ben. It’s making peace.” She knows. Of course, she does. She understands that Ben isn’t asking her this to uncover her feelings about his grandfather but to uncover her feelings about_ him _, what he’d done. If she couldn’t bring herself to forgive Anakin, then what did that say about him? Was he all that different from Anakin?_

_Ben’s mind is flooded with echoes of all the pain that he wrought, all the sins he’d committed. Suddenly, he’s shaking, and his chest feels tight. “Mom, what I did... I don’t think it_ can _be forgiven… I… I—” Ben sinks to his knees, sobs ripping from his throat. He wraps his arms around his mother's waist, resting his head against her stomach. He knows how pathetic he probably looks, can only imagine what Hux or the others would have said if they had seen him in such a fashion. But he’s no longer the Supreme Leader. He’s just Ben. And, right now, Ben Solo needs his mother._

_Leia kneels next to her son, and she holds him, his head tucked against her shoulder, her fingers combing through his hair. And then she’s singing a familiar song,_

> “Mirrorbright shines the moon,
> 
> Its glow as soft as an ember,
> 
> When the moon is mirrorbright,
> 
> Take this time to remember,
> 
> Those you have loved but are gone,
> 
> Those who kept you so safe and warm,”

_Ben’s sobs grow fewer and farther between until they’re reduced to small, infrequent hiccups. His mother’s hand moves from his hair to his back, caressing up and down, soothing him as she continues to sing,_

> “The mirrorbright moon lets you see,
> 
> Those who have ceased to be,
> 
> Mirrorbright shines the moon,
> 
> As fires die to their embers,
> 
> Those you love are with you still,
> 
> The moon will help you remember,”

_When Ben was a child, he often couldn’t fall asleep without being in his father’s arms but, some nights, even his father’s arms couldn’t protect him from the nightmares that would wake him up screaming. His father’s arms couldn’t quiet the voices filling his head. Some nights, the only thing that could subdue him was his mother’s voice singing an Alderaanian lullaby. This Alderaanian lullaby. Mirrorbright._

_Ben is so tired, and his eyes are swollen from crying. The panic is gone, a melancholic weariness left in its wake. “You were a good mom,” he whispers, “You_ are _a good mom.”_

_“Thank you,” she whispers in return. “You know, Snoke was right about one thing…” His ears perk up at the mention of his former master. What could he have possibly said, ever, that his own mother could find merit in? “You have your father’s heart.”_

_Ben lifts his head off his mother’s shoulder and stares at her, bewildered. “Mom, I don’t understand. How can you be so kind to me? How can you still love me after everything I’ve done?”_

_She takes a deep breath before she answers, “Few people will understand the pull of the Dark Side and how deeply it alters you when you fall to it. Most people won’t be able to recognize the difference between Kylo Ren and Ben Solo if they know the truth. But I raised you, Ben, and I know who you really are. I know that you, my Ben, didn’t want to do those terrible things. I also know that Kylo Ren only did those things because he thought he had no other choice.” She’s right, and he knows she’s right, but it’s so hard for him to give credence to these thoughts, this idea that he’s a victim in his own right, not just a monster or a villain. “Ben, you’ll be struggling with the reconciliation of these two identities forever, but it will be worth it to live the life you’ve always wanted, that your father and I always wanted for you. Even people you love may never understand or forgive you.” With a knowing look, she says, “Maybe even your own children.” She was that child._

_Ben is about to respond to her when something pulls him up short, something she’d said… “Wait, you know? You know about Rey? You know that she can bring me back?”_

_She nods, pragmatic. “I do. Your uncle figured it out after speaking with your grandmother recently and told me before I came here to find you.”_

_“And you think I should do it? You think I should go?”_

_“Of course, I do. She can make you happy, Ben. I want that for you. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you… And I want it for her, too.”_

_This should be all the convincing he needs, but he’s still so terrified. Terrified that he’ll go back only to mess it all up again. Terrified that, if he goes back and does mess it all up again, he won’t be able to reunite with the Force anymore, that it will finally give up on him for good and leave him entirely alone, suspended in a vast nothingness for all of eternity. Maybe it’s what he deserves. But the prospect of losing the ability to join his family in the Cosmic Force is harrowing, all-encompassing, panic-inducing. It’s a chance which, no matter how desirable the potential for success may be, he’s not sure he’s willing to take._

_But it_ is _desirable. The thought of being with Rey. Of going_ home _._

_“I want her to be happy, too, Mom. I…” He exhales, the breath quaking on its release. “I love her. She’s everything I ever wanted to be.”_

_His mother smiles at him sagely. “No, Ben… she’s what you are.”_

_“Thank you, Mom, for not giving up on me. For saving me.” He takes her hand as he begins to stand, rising up off his knees, then helping her to rise as well._

_She slinks an arm around his waist, leaning in against his chest, listening to his heartbeat, a heartbeat he had no longer expected to have, a heartbeat he had taken for granted. “You’re my boy, Ben. My one and only. And I still believe that you are the greatest thing I ever did for this galaxy.” She tilts her head up, making eye contact with him. “One day, I know you’ll prove I’m right.”_

_Padmé rejoins them then, subtly clearing her throat to get their attention. “I’m sorry to interrupt, my darlings, but it appears that word has spread about your presence here, Ben, and there is a long queue of people who would like an audience with you.”_

_Leia releases him from her hold, grinning at Padmé maniacally. “This should be good.”_

_His grandmother chuckles lightly in response. “Come, Leia, let’s you and I step aside. We can continue our earlier conversation and give poor Ben here some privacy to address his guests.”_

_Ben glares at the both of them as they depart, already concocting ideas of who in the Force might be possessed to speak with him and making his palms sweat, practically vibrating out of his skin with nervous energy._

_Then, a gruff, almost bewitching voice sounds from behind him, “Hello, Ben.”_

_Ben whips around to discover a tall man with fair skin and long, light brown hair. Half of it is gathered in a leather band at the back of his head. At first glance, Ben thinks he looks… serene. Next to the man is a much smaller creature, green with long ears, one sticking out on either side of his head, and a withering tuft of white hair. Although he doesn’t recognize either of them, he does recognize their_ robes _. These are Jedi. “Who are you?”_

_The man smiles down at his green companion before lifting his gaze to Ben, stepping forward and offering his hand in greeting. “My name is Qui-Gon Jinn. It’s a pleasure to meet you. My friend here is known as Master Yoda.”_

_Master Yoda?_ The _Master Yoda?_

_“Time we had a talk, it is.”_

Kriff _._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for coming on this ride with us. The story is moving along, and we can't wait to sort through all this angst in order to get to the Good Stuff™. It will be here before you know it! Xoxo


	4. Part 1: I Did Want to Take Your Hand, Chapter 4: Focus On Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Rey and Rose have returned to base, what will happen on Poe and Finn's mission to Corellia with Wedge and Chewie? What will Rey and Rose do now that they have a moment to themselves?
> 
> And what could Qui-Gon Jinn and Yoda possibly have to say to Ben Solo?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains the first of the smut that will occur in this fic, and I have updated the tags accordingly! Unfortunately, the main ship of this fic, Reylo, still has to wait a bit as does our secondary ship, Stormpilot. However, Rose and Connix have nothing holding them back! Yes, the first smut of this fic will be F/F, so please bear that in mind. Also, if you don't feel like reading the smut, it isn't too entrenched in the actual plot, so you can feel free to skip over it and start reading right at the beginning of Rey's POV, which is the second section.

Rose was lying in bed with Kaydel. It wasn’t new, their relationship, but it had been so long since they’d had a chance to be together, what with Rey needing constant care, that it _felt_ new again. Their legs were tangled together, and Kay was running her hand through Rose’s hair. Every few passes of Kay’s hand, fingernails grazed Rose’s scalp, and a shiver shot through her. She burrowed further into Kaydel’s arms.

“Mmmm. Can you never stop doing that?”

Kay giggled right into Rose’s ear, the vibrations of her laughter buzzing against Rose’s cheek as it sat against her chest. “We do have to get back to work at some point, you know.”

Rose tightened her arms around Kaydel’s torso and wrapped her legs around the other woman’s bottom half like a vice. “No, we don’t.”

Sighing, Kay planted a smacking kiss on the top of Rose’s head. “Yes, we do.” She brought her hand up to Rose’s chin, tilting Rose’s face up so she could look into her eyes. “I know real life, the life waiting outside that door, kind of sucks right now, and believe me, I’m much happier here, lying with you, listening to you breathe and feeling the softness of your skin against mine, but… you and I have a lot less healing to do than the people we love, than the galaxy itself. So, for now, we have to be the strong ones. Until our friends and the galaxy are ready to stand on their own again. Okay?”

Rose’s teeth were digging into her bottom lip as she watched the woman she loved speak directly to her heart. She blinked tears away as she replied, “Okay. And… thank you. I’m sorry I’ve been so distant lately.”

“You don’t need to apologize. _I’m_ sorry that you’ve been dealing with so much on your own. You shouldn’t have to. I want to help.”

“I’d like that.” Rose smiled, her heart warming past the point of comprehension.

The spell of the moment was broken as the door to Kay’s room sounded before sliding open. They froze as their acting general strode inside. He stopped in his tracks as he took in the scene before him and made a choking noise.

Kay’s voice was pure incredulity as she asked, “Can we help you, Poe?!”

The man blinked several times before he finally answered. “I, um… There’s a… You see, we…” He huffed a breath, calming himself before he continued, “I wanted to debrief you both before Finn and I leave for our mission to Corellia with Wedge and Chewie since you’ll be in command while we’re gone. Beaumont told me that he’d seen you both come into this room, Connix’s room, and I didn’t think…” Color filled his cheeks as his eyes locked onto Rose and Kay’s legs locked together under the sheets.

Rose rolled her eyes. Of course, Poe chooses now to become a prude. She could only imagine how he’d act if he knew that she and Kay were only in their underwear beneath the covers of the bed. “Well, now you know! So, if you don’t need anything else...?”

Poe’s eyes shot up to meet Rose’s, embarrassment eclipsing his usual self-assurance. “Right! No, um… that’s all I needed, so… as you were.”

He rushed out of the room, nearly running right into the frame of Kaydel’s door, and the two women burst into overwrought laughter. When they finally came down from the high of their anxiety-induced adrenaline, accepting the fact that their relationship would no longer be a secret, they both fell silent. Rose felt her heart fluttering. She wasn’t ready to leave this bed yet. It felt like they had to christen this moment.

She rose up onto her elbows, hovering over Kay’s face with her own, then lowered herself down to brush her lips lightly across the major’s. “Are you sure you want to get back to work right now? I’d say we still have thirty standard minutes, maybe a whole hour before they actually depart for Corellia.”

Kaydel quirked an eyebrow at her, a mischievous twinkle in her eye. “You make a strong case, Commander Tico.” Rose felt Kay’s leg sliding in between hers, hooking her knee upward to place her more fully onto Kay’s lap. Rose knew this game. She sat up on her thighs, straddling her girlfriend. “But… I think I need more convincing.”

“Fair enough, Major Connix.”

Rose bent herself down to kiss Kay again but with much more urgency than before. She framed Kay’s face with her hands, her thumbs brushing over the other woman’s cheekbones. There was something so special about kissing another woman. Or maybe there was just something special about kissing Kaydel. After all, she was the only woman that Rose had ever kissed, and Rose would be more than happy if she never kissed anyone else ever again.

Well, that was a new thought. Rose decided to file that away for later.

She trailed kisses down Kay’s jaw until she reached her neck, licking a stripe up the patch of skin that covered her jugular. She passed her tongue down even further, finding the spot where Kay’s neck joined with her shoulder, and sucked a mark into her skin. Kaydel writhed underneath her, a breathy moan escaping her lips. Rose knew how much Kay loved it when she did that. If she had the time, she’d do it for hours until Kay was a sobbing mess beneath her, begging Rose to just _move already_. But they didn’t have that kind of time right now, so Rose would show her mercy.

Rose grazed her hands up Kaydel’s thighs, catching her fingertips on the bottom of Kay’s tank top and lifting it up, up, up, revealing Kaydel’s perfect breasts. No matter how many times she saw Kay’s naked form, she didn’t think she’d ever get used to it. Creamy and unblemished. Soft and hard in all the right places. All curvy hips and firm thighs. All this along with those big, bright eyes and that long mermaid hair that she always kept hidden away, that she only let Rose see, only let Rose get her hands into. Kay was looking up at her with those eyes now, and Rose just wanted to melt right into her.

Abruptly and in hope of taking Kaydel by surprise, Rose leaned down and closed her mouth around one of Kay’s nipples, laving her tongue over it, hollowing out her cheeks as she sucked on it like it was her job. Kaydel shoved her fist into her mouth, biting off a loud groan, and Rose immediately grabbed the other woman’s wrist, yanking the fist away. “No, I want to hear you, Kay.”

And, with that, Rose began to move, just the way Kay liked her to. She ground her clothed pussy down onto her girlfriend’s, thrusting her hips in bursts of _quick, slow_ … _quick, slow_ … _quick, slow_ … applying just enough pressure against each of their clits to send sparks shooting up their nerve endings while keeping them on edge, not quite able to reach the precipice of the cliff they were climbing. As she did this, Rose continued to play with Kay’s breasts, rolling the woman’s nipples between her fingers in between turns of massaging them.

At this point, Kaydel was moaning unabashedly, her throat producing a new squeal with each roll of Rose’s hips, her voice growing hoarse as the tension rose inside of her. Rose laughed wickedly, loving nothing more than to watch Kay come undone.

“Please,” Kay whined, “Please, Rose, don’t… don’t stop.”

Rose quickened her pace, feeling her own release just beyond her grasp, that sensitive part of her coiling as tight as possible, stealing her breath and refusing to give it back until she finally broke. She and Kay were sliding against each other easily now, both sopping wet with each other’s arousal. She was close. So, so close. She kept moving, keeping up her speed, chasing that feeling as she crashed her lips back down against Kay’s, rough and messy, each of them swallowing the moans and little puffs of air being drawn from one another.

They both grew quiet, and Rose knew, knew they had fallen over the edge of that cliff at the same time. The coil broke and that indescribable sensation washed over her. She swore she could feel it in her teeth. The oxygen had been ripped from their lungs with the pressure of it, and Kay’s entire body grew taut, her eyes rolling into the back of her head. Rose continued to ride it out, wanting to make sure Kay continued coming as long as she could, wanting to provide every last drop of pleasure that she could to the woman that she loved.

After what felt like hours but was surely just seconds, they both started breathing again, mewling loudly, grinding against each other until they became too sensitive and their thighs began to shake. Their heavy breathing filled the room, and lazy smiles painted both of their faces as Rose rolled over, falling next to Kay. She skidded her hand down, taking Kay’s and intertwining their fingers.

Kay chuckled, the sound raspy as her voice was nearly gone, “All right. I’m convinced.”

Rose burst into laughter, managing just enough strength to lean over and kiss Kay one last time. As the last aftershocks of her orgasm began to fade, Rose wished, more than anything, that her friends would all find happiness like she was feeling at that moment.  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  


For the first time in a long while, Rey was alone. Truly, completely alone. And she intended to take advantage of it.

She made sure she had everything she needed in her knapsack before slipping out of her room, off the Resistance base, and into the jungle. She walked until she could no longer hear the din of the Resistance hard at work, until it was just her and the life that filled the jungle. The feeling of the life trying to reach out to her, to connect with her was a balm to her ailing spirit. She took a deep breath and took a seat on the wilderness floor, crossing her legs underneath herself as if she were going to meditate.

Her knapsack was heavier than usual from the weight of the metal pieces clanking inside of it. The sound sent a thrill up her spine. It was finally time. She was going to build her lightsaber.

Yanking the knapsack into her lap, she opened it and reached inside, pulling out the pieces of her saber one by one and setting them out in front of her. Finally, she reached into the knapsack’s front pocket and pulled out her crystal, placing it in the center of all the other parts.

Before reaching out to put the pieces together, Rey went into her knapsack again. When her hands came back out, they were holding Ben’s sweater. She lifted it to her face, nuzzling into it, and noted that it was starting to lose his scent. Soon, she’d have to rely on her memory. Shoving that thought aside, she tugged the sweater over her head, pushing her arms into the sleeves. It was far too big on her, but that was part of the charm, wasn’t it? Wrapping her arms around her own shoulders, she could pretend, if only briefly, that Ben was holding her. She knew how pathetic it was, but she was desperate enough not to care.

Pulling herself back to reality, she forced the sleeves up her forearms so that her hands were free and held them out in front of herself, closing her eyes in concentration. She sat in silence, reaching out to the Force. And then she felt it: the connection between her and her crystal and, with it, the connection between her crystal and the parts surrounding it. Suddenly, she knew exactly what to do. She waved her hand over the metal pieces in front of her, some of which were repurposed from the staff she’d always carried for protection on Jakku. As if compelled, the separate parts came together as one, entrapping her crystal. Her hands fell to the ground as her eyes flew open, taking in her creation. Her lightsaber was complete before her.

_What do you think of that, Solo?_

The thought came unsolicited. It’s exactly what she would have said had he truly been there with her. Knowing how natural it felt to be playful with him, were he there, only made his absence that much more painful. She felt nauseated.

He had promised he would always be there for her. She was sure she’d heard his voice after he faded away on Exegol, clear as day, _I will always be with you_. Had he been lying?

Her chest began to burn with rage. She slammed her fists onto the ground and screamed, “WHERE ARE YOU?!” She dug her fingers into the jungle floor beneath her, sinking her claws into the soil. Grasping the earth, she felt herself begin to sob. She was so sick of crying all the time, but she couldn’t fend off the despair, not so long as she could still feel. It was always there, waiting for its next opening, waiting for her to let down her guard. “Y-you promised. You promised you’d be with me, so why won’t you answer me? And if you’re truly gone then, w-why—” she stopped to breathe, “why does it feel like you’re still alive? I’m going insane. I can still feel you, y-your signature, but it’s m-muted. It feels like the times when we would cut each other off through our bond. I always knew you were there, knew you were alive somewhere, even though you wouldn’t let me s-see your surroundings. Am I… Am I going to feel this way forever? P-please, don’t let me feel this way forever.”

Through the haze of her exhaustion, she looked up and saw what was happening in front of her. She almost didn’t believe her eyes. The large tree that sat at the edge of the small clearing she was in looked _warped and mangled_. Its branches had been wrenched from their joints, and its entire trunk was twisted, wrung out like a wet rag, splintering at all points. It was like the tree had adapted itself to her inner turmoil, manifesting her very emotions in front of her.

Then, she looked at her hands, still clutching the ground, and realized what she’d done. She’d read about this in one of Luke’s texts. It was the only text that talked about the Dark Side, talked about anything regarding the Sith or the power they possessed. It only spoke specifically towards their capabilities with the Force to further inform Jedi about the Force’s potential. The Jedi were afraid that even knowing about the powers of the Dark Side would tempt someone down that path. What she was doing was called Force Rending. It was an ability which allowed the Force user to telekinetically contort whatever it focused its energy on. The Sith preferred to use it on their enemies, but Rey had just used it on this tree. She hadn’t even meant to, hadn’t ever tried to do anything like it before, and yet… and yet.

Rey pulled her hands from the earth, and the tension immediately released from the tree, its body making a hideous, creaking noise as it fell apart, completely devastated by what she’d done. Her grief had destroyed it… the same way it was trying to destroy her.

Unwilling to sit with what she had done, Rey tugged Ben’s sweater over her head, unceremoniously cramming it back inside her knapsack before throwing her newly made lightsaber on top. All she wanted was to lie down and sleep.

Maybe she would never wake back up.

Or maybe… maybe she could channel what she’d just felt into something more useful.

The minimal information she’d received regarding the abilities that came from drawing on the Dark Side hadn’t included anything about the possibility to bring someone back from the dead, but if meeting her grandfather had taught her anything… it’s that resurrection is possible. But at what cost?

Was Rey willing to corrupt her connection with the Force to bring Ben back? Had she already begun to without realizing it? She’d promised herself to do whatever it took. Did that include tapping into the very power that had caused him to fall in the first place?

Rey couldn’t answer those questions now. It was all too much, and she was tired, more tired than she’d ever felt, and it wasn’t just her body but her soul that felt weary.

But maybe the root of all these issues came from the sense that Ben was somehow still alive. Perhaps, what she truly needed, was to lay him to rest. Maybe it was all in her mind. Maybe she just needed to give him a proper send-off. And maybe it wasn’t just about him. Maybe she needed a chance to memorialize Leia and Luke, too. Everything had moved so quickly for the past year that she never had the opportunity to stop and reflect. Now, she could. Maybe that would finally set her mind at ease, allow her to let go of the past and move forward.

She would go to Tatooine. Luke had mentioned growing up there. She would’ve loved to go to Alderaan, where Leia was raised, but that was not a possibility. So, she would take their lightsabers to Tatooine, the lightsabers that she and Ben had used to save the galaxy together, and she would give burial to them. Hopefully, she would give burial to her grief as well. Chewie would take her. He had his own grief to process and was sure to understand.

But first, she would get some sleep.

Rey made it back to her room and dropped her knapsack next to her bed before collapsing into it. She fell almost immediately unconscious, surrendering to her dreams and, as always, the possibility of them morphing into nightmares.

Errantly, though, before sleep finally took her, she realized something.

She hadn’t even ignited her lightsaber.  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  


“General Dameron, we have a problem.”

Poe took a deep breath and turned to face Wedge. “ _More_ problems?” he asked. The repairs to the Millennium Falcon had delayed their mission for over a week already. They were just outside the atmosphere of Corellia, planning to dock at Coronet City. Wedge had decided to try to reach his contacts on the surface one more time before they landed. He hadn’t been able to reach them since he’d received the initial tip about the First Order intel on Corellia and wanted to make sure the team knew what to expect when they reached the planet’s surface. Poe didn’t blame him for being thorough. Not having a solid plan always made him testy. But the last thing he needed now was more bad news.

“Yes, sir,” Wedge replied, “I finally reached my contact and the situation on the ground has deteriorated.”

“Deteriorated how exactly?”

“Well, the Corellian underworld has always been governed by various gangs. They rise up and fall again, the balance of power is constantly in flux. As of late, the shipbuilding yards were under the command of the First Order, which kept the gangs in check for the most part. But when they were overthrown by the citizens of Corellia, it left a gap. So, a gang known as the White Worms has recently taken control of this part of Corenet City.”

“Which means...?”

“They’ve taken over the former Corellian Engineering Corporation, and the Corellian Engineering Corporation controls the shipbuilding, meaning any First Order intel is in offices that are currently under their command.”

“What’re the chances that they’ll be friendly with the Resistance?”

“Minimal,” Wedge replied.

“That’s what I was afraid of,” Poe sighed. “ _Chewie_ , _Finn_ , get in here.”

They appeared from the cockpit. “What’s wrong, Poe?” Finn asked.

“Slight change of plans. Instead of walking into a vacuum of authority, we are walking into a turf war. Apparently, the White Worms have taken over the Corellian Engineering Corporation.”

“Ohacahaowo Ohoorcscc? Acooaocacooao craahwa acwo acrawa waworaanahwhrrc ohahaoac aoacwosc oowhoawo.” _White Worms? Hotshot said he had trouble with them once._

“And how did he get out of that?” Poe asked, genuinely curious.

Chewie laughed, “Craahwa acwo aoraanorwowa acahc ohraro oohuao.” _Said he talked his way out._

“Well, I don’t think we will be able to talk our way in. Wedge, any ideas?”

Wedge had a look on his face that said _Yes, I have an idea_ and also _No, it’s not an intelligent one._ “If I put us down in the old freight yards under cover of darkness, we can probably get in and out before they find us.”

“We? I thought you were staying with the ship?”

“Change of plans. I know my way around better than you do.”

“Can’t argue with that,” Finn said, “We can leave Artoo with the ship.”

Poe had forgotten they brought the droid with them. “Can you secure the ship, Artoo? You’ll need to comm us if something happens and make sure to only open back up for us.”

R2-D2 beeped an affirmative.

“Well, I guess that’s settled then,” Finn replied, “We sneak in, grab all the information we can, and run.”

“I hope it’s that simple,” Poe said, “Let’s plan for stealth. How long until nightfall in the city?”

“About four hours,” Wedge answered. “We should get some rest and be ready to go by then.”

Poe nodded and headed to the crew bunks, Finn and Wedge on his heels. He had no desire to take over the Captain’s cabin and neither did anyone else. It just felt wrong. Chewie had his own cabin, and there were plans to add more, but for now… they were all stuck in crew bunks.

Four hours and not a wink of sleep later, Poe opened the hatch of the Falcon and climbed out of it. He looked around, signalling the others after confirming that the coast was clear. Poe opened the boarding ramp and walked out. Finn followed him, footfalls echoing. Poe winced. “Finn, you have to be stealthy, don’t walk so loud.”

“Sorry! Stealth wasn’t exactly something stormtroopers were taught! I’ll try.”

Wedge followed Finn, the old man still able to move without noise. Chewie brought up the rear, trying his best to walk softly and failing. Poe sighed. This was not a stealth team but it was what they had, so he had to make do. All of them were wearing dark clothes, without any symbols of the resistance. Hopefully, if they were spotted, they’d blend in. “Which way?” he whispered to Wedge.

“Follow me.”

The men crept quietly across the shipyard toward the looming buildings that framed it. Poe kept one hand on his holster, ready to draw his blaster at any second. Wedge led them around the building to a deserted loading dock. He concealed himself among the crates there, motioning for the others to do the same. Poe and Finn did so easily but Chewie had a bit of trouble finding a spot large enough to fit. Poe and Finn looked at each other and bit back laughter. As useful as the Wookiee was to have around, sometimes his size did create... challenges.

“What are we waiting for?” Poe hissed to Wedge. Wedge held a finger to his lips and motioned for them to stay hidden. Poe settled in to wait, keeping one eye on the door. Ten standard minutes passed, then twenty, then thirty. Just before Poe was about to ask again, he saw the door open. Two workers walked onto the dock. Poe and Finn both went to draw their blasters but Wedge gestured for them to be still. Poe watched as two small lights flared. They weren’t out there for crates, Poe realized, they were taking a smoke break. The minutes passed slowly as they leisurely smoked and chatted. Then, both men snubbed out their cigarettes, entered their code, and went back inside, turning off the keypad as they went. Poe was dumbfounded. After a minute, Wedge motioned them forward. Finn crept ahead and pressed an ear to the door.

“Sounds clear,” he whispered.

“I thought so,” Wedge said, “Night crews around here don’t want to be tracked sneaking extra smoke breaks, so they’ll disable the keypad after the first one. The door should slide open for you.”

Poe would never have thought of that, but it made _sense_. He slowly eased the door open, slipping inside and immediately ducking into a dark stairwell. When they were all inside, Wedge motioned up the stairs. Poe drew his blaster. He didn’t want to be surprised. Three flights later, they emerged into a dark hallway. Slowly, they made their way down it, until they passed through a door which led to a deserted office corridor.

“Thought so,” wheezed Wedge, out of breath, “Their leadership doesn’t work this late.” Poe pulled them aside to regroup.

“Which office do we need?”

“These offices are for middle management… Down the hall should be where the bosses sat. They’re the most likely to have retained data from the First Order’s administration.”

Once the old pilot had finally recuperated, they snuck down the hall, remaining cautious, ready to hide at a moment’s notice. After exiting the hallway that Wedge had referred to, they came upon several entrances for headquarters that clearly belonged to some very important, very powerful people. Poe looked around and picked the fanciest looking one.

“So... how do we get in?”

Finn brushed past him and held out his hand. Poe silently handed him the tool kit he carried in his bag. Within a standard minute, Finn had the door scanner dismantled. He cut one wire and the lock clicked back. Poe stared at him in amazement.

“What? You put together enough of these and you figure out how to disable them.” Finn grinned at him. Poe bit his lip because, damn, Finn knew what he was doing. And it was hot. Poe loved it when Finn was this confident. Chewie growled behind Poe, reminding him of what he was doing.

“Okay,” Poe said, strategizing on the fly. “Chewie, head back to the main hall and keep watch. Finn, stay and try to make this look like we weren’t here. Wedge, come with me.” Chewie stalked back down the hall as Finn nodded, drawing his blaster. Poe and Wedge entered the antechamber of the office. Wedge immediately began to search the desks there, collecting data chips and anything that might contain an access code. He handed one small data chip to Poe.

“What’s this for?” Poe asked. Wedge motioned at the inner office door. Poe held the chip to the scanner, and the light turned green. He slid the door open and slunk inside. For an office that had changed hands rather quickly, it was very neat. He opened the desk drawers, pocketing several data tapes. He spotted a terminal with several important looking datachips in various slots as well as a handful nearby. He scooped them all into his bag before he heard a noise down the hall. It sounded like… Chewbacca howling! Was there danger?

Before Poe could make it to the door to exit the office, he heard a commotion in the hall.

“POE!” Finn shouted, “WE GOT COMPANY.”  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  


Finn had just finished securing the final piece in the door scanner when he heard Chewie’s yell. He couldn’t make out the words, but the intention was clear. Danger. Footsteps were approaching, quickly. He yelled a warning to Poe and Wedge as he drew his blaster.

“INTRUDERS! THIS WAY,” he heard a voice scream before the sound of a zap and a dull thud, implying Chewie had taken one of them down with his bowcaster. Chewie ran toward him, howling that they had to find another way out. Poe and Wedge appeared at Finn's shoulder with blasters drawn.

“Okay, time to go,” Poe yelled, “Wedge, how do we get out?”

Wedge pointed down the hall toward another stairwell. Without a word, all four started sprinting toward it. The footsteps behind them were getting closer as they made it inside.

“Chewie!” Finn prompted, and the Wookiee bent the handles, effectively blocking the door behind them.

“Good,” Wedge panted. “That’ll buy us a bit of time. Go!”

They thundered down two flights before Wedge gestured at a set of doors. Poe went first, waving the others through. Finn brought up the rear, checking that no one had caught up with them. They ran toward what Finn desperately hoped was the main stairwell, but before they could reach it, he heard someone enter the hallway from another staircase.

“THEY’RE DOWN HERE!”

Finn didn’t hear anything else, just felt a white hot pain sear his back. He hit the ground hard, his every nerve overwhelmed by agony. One of the White Worms had shot him.

“NO! FINN!” Poe yelled from somewhere above him as Finn focused on getting back to his feet. He couldn’t seem to make his left arm work and had lost his blaster somewhere. He heard shots being fired as Poe stood his ground, protecting Finn. Finn finally made it to his knees and turned to look. Two gang members were on the floor, dead. Poe grabbed his good arm, and helped Finn to his feet.

“I thought you were a goner, buddy,” Poe said, putting his other hand on Finn’s cheek in a tender gesture. Finn tried to smile but couldn’t muffle his yelp of pain. Poe’s eyes were filled with concern, and Finn wanted to reassure him, but it hurt so bad he couldn’t find any words to speak.

“There will be more of them. We need to go,” Wedge urged.

“Finn, are you–” Poe started.

“Lost my blaster somewhere…” Pain clouded Finn’s brain as he futilely looked for it.

“We’ll get you a new one, but we’ve got to get out of here first. Can you run?”

Finn gave a subdued nod and jogged after Wedge and Chewie. Poe followed last, guarding them from behind and urging Finn on. Ahead of them, several shots indicated that Chewie had taken out more of the White Worms at the staircase. Finn stumbled down the stairs, Wedge at his side, as his vision narrowed to a tunnel. It took all his concentration to put one foot in front of the other. The pain inundated his mind. He felt like he was back on Starkiller base, Kylo Ren slicing him open…

“Finn?” Wedge prompted, “Come on, almost out now…”

He wasn’t on Starkiller. He was here. He just had to make it to the Falcon. He tried to focus on following Chewie but black began to swallow his vision. He managed to get back outside before collapsing to his knees.

“No, Finn, NO.” Poe’s face swam into Finn’s line of sight. “Come on, Finn, you can make it.”

Finn vaguely heard Chewie growl something before he was being lifted into the air. His back seared in pain as the Wookiee carried him, running back toward the shipyard where they left the Falcon.

“Artoo, start the engines and lower the ramp. We gotta go!” Poe yelled into his comlink. Finn tried to stay conscious, aware he was blacking out for seconds at a time. He felt Chewie carry him up the Falcon’s ramp and sit him on the edge of the bunk. Poe came back into view, keeping Finn upright. He tried to focus on Poe’s face and not the blackness creeping in.

“Finn?” Poe asked, “Can you hear me?” Finn gave a tiny nod. It was all he could manage. “Okay,” Poe said, “Wedge and I are here. We’re gonna fix you up. But we need to get your jacket and shirt off. It’s probably going to hurt but I’m gonna try to be gentle, okay?”

Again, Finn nodded but just slightly. Poe had hardly touched his left arm, barely lifted it, before pain shot through Finn’s body like lightning. He screamed. He couldn’t help it. He tried to focus on Poe ‘s voice, on anything to keep himself from passing out.

“Kriff it,” Wedge muttered, “I can just cut it off.”

“Finn?” Poe’s face was back in front of him, paler than before. “Hey. Wedge is just gonna cut your shirt off so we don’t hurt you, but I need you to stay with me.”

“Least it isn’t my good jacket,” Finn mumbled, hoping his words might make Poe look less worried, “The one you gave me.”

“Nah,” said Poe’s voice from the blur in front of him. “That one’s safe. Hey. Finn. I need you to stay awake. Please, stay with me, okay?” Finn felt the cool air on his back as his shirt was cut off. He was losing the battle to stay awake.

“Went through the back of his left shoulder,” Wedge’s calm voice said. “Did some damage but missed his lungs and heart as far as I can tell. Vitals are okay. Keep him talking to you while I put something on it. He’s going into shock.”

“Finn, focus on me, okay? Wedge is gonna mess with your shoulder, and it’s probably gonna hurt but just _focus on me_.” Poe’s voice was higher pitched than Finn had ever heard it before. He felt a sharp pain in his shoulder and whimpered before it was replaced with the cool feeling of a bacta patch.

“Finn, stay with me. We’ve got a patch on your shoulder. You’re gonna be okay. You were amazing out there. I know it hurts, but you’re doing so good. We’re gonna give you a shot for pain and get you comfortable. Finn? FINN? DON’T LEAVE ME.” Finn felt the blackness closing in on him before he even felt the prick of the needle. The last thing he heard before the void swallowed him was Poe yelling his name.

_The blackness twisted and moved as it swallowed Finn. Colors swirled by, no rhyme or reason to their patterns. First greens, then reds, then blues. Time had no meaning as he floated through this void. The colors danced around him, and images began to flash before his eyes._

_It settled on a scene Finn recognized. Tan all around. The Jakku desert. Behind him was a downed TIE fighter. Finn remembered. Poe had helped him escape. But where was he? Finn ran to the wreckage, hoping to pull Poe free. But it was too late. Poe’s body was sprawled half out of the cockpit, neck bent in a way that Finn knew meant he was gone. The golden sand beneath him was dark with his blood and Finn felt bile rising in his throat._

_The scene swirled again, turning into a mix of blues. Finn rode an Orbak across a Star Destroyer above Exegol, a battle raging around him. Jannah stood beside him, yelling orders. He heard a shriek in the distance. Kaydel Connix had been hit in the leg. Finn urged his mount toward her, but a Sith trooper was faster. He fired his weapon. Kaydel fell, a neat blaster hole through her forehead and her mouth open._

_The world swirled again, changing from blue to red and white. He was in the wreckage of his speeder on Crait. He saw the twisted remains of Rose’s speeder next to his. He ran, trying to reach her. She mumbled his name as he carried her toward the cave. But the next moment, something was wrong. Her eyes were vacant and he no longer felt her breathing. She was dead in his arms, stiffening and growing cold._

_Colors crashed around him again and turned into waves. Around him was the wreckage of the Death Star. Through the mist, he could see Rey and Ren fighting, blue saber clashing with red. “REY!” Finn shouted, desperate for her to get to safety. She turned to face him and Ren saw his chance. His saber flashed as he stabbed it through Rey’s heart. She collapsed as he drew his saber back, a charred hole in her chest. Her eyes locked onto Finn’s before she went still._

“REY!” Finn bolted upright, screaming.

“Hey, hey, hey,” A familiar voice said, a warm hand on his arm. He couldn’t bring the person into focus, but they took his hand, interlacing their fingers.

“Where’s Rey?”

“She was here before. Just calm down. I don’t want them to have to sedate you.”

“Where is here?” Finn blinked hard. Slowly a face came into focus. “Poe?”

“Yeah, I’m here. Welcome back, buddy. You’re in the medbay on base. Do you remember what happened?”

“We got caught on Corellia, right? The gang caught us.”

“The White Worms.”

“Did…” Finn swallowed hard, “Did everyone make it back?”

Poe’s face broke into a smile, but Finn could see the strain in his eyes. His chin was covered in stubble, and he looked like he hadn’t slept for days. Finn felt Poe’s hand shaking against his, and unless he was mistaken, there was a flask in his pocket.

“Yeah, we all made it back okay. The only worry was you, bud. Someone caught us by surprise and got you in the shoulder. Missed anything vital but you scared us all bad for a little bit there.”

“Us?” Finn looked around, but they were alone in the med bay.

“Yeah, don’t you remember Chewie carrying you on board the Falcon? I’ve never seen him take off so fast. And Wedge cut your shirt off and got a bacta patch on quickly enough, it shouldn’t scar too bad.”

“That’s good,” Finn muttered, thinking of the scar he already carried across his back, a mark from his fight with Kylo Ren on Starkiller. It still itched and stung sometimes, a reminder of how close he came to death that day.

“We got back to base and Rey came to meet the Falcon, but she almost got knocked over by Chewie hustling you to the medbay. She and Rose and Connix have been here in shifts. Rey probably would have stayed, but I made her get some sleep and go eat. We can’t have her getting sick again. Or, at least, not as sick.”

_And what about you?_ Finn wanted to ask, _Did you care? What has you so shaken up?_ Holding Poe’s hand like this was soothing, but Finn sensed the uneasiness in the other man, and it wasn’t providing the comfort Finn needed.

“How long have I been here?” Finn asked instead.

“About 36 standard hours since we got back,” Poe replied, squeezing Finn’s hand. “We got back from Corellia in under 6 hours, record time, but with only a patch on you for that long... They had to put you in a bacta suit for almost a full day, and they kept you out a while longer so you wouldn’t move while you finished healing. They just took you off your IV an hour ago. You were really lucky. Where you got hit, a couple inches lower and you’d have lost a lung, possibly your life. But it tore up your shoulder pretty good. They wanted to do all they could so you’d get full range of motion back. The droids seemed pretty optimistic, but I want one of the medics to check you out. I’ll go grab her on my way out if you’ll be okay?”

Finn glanced at the chrono on Poe’s wrist. It was the middle of the night. “I’ll be fine,” he said, “You should sleep Poe.”

Poe squeezed his hand once more. “I guess I’ll let Rey know you’re awake,” he said in an odd voice, turning to go.

Finn puzzled over his remark, turning it over in his head. But his thoughts were cut short by the arrival of the medic, a middle-aged blonde woman he knew. She always scolded Finn to be more careful, after prior scrapes had landed him in the med bay.

“I see you got yourself into more trouble,” she teased as she helped Finn sit up, pushing the hospital gown off his back.

“That happens when you go on missions with General Dameron,” Finn replied, “That man attracts trouble.”

She smirked at him. “I suppose he does. Well, you are good to go back to your room if you’d like to. You’re off duty tomorrow and in a sling for, at least, a week per medical orders. I’ve informed General Dameron already. I’m assuming he’s off tomorrow, too. I don’t think he’s slept in three days.”

“Did something happen on base?” Finn asked, “We got back over a day ago, he should have had time–”

“You didn’t know?” she asked, raising an eyebrow at Finn, who shook his head mutely. “General Dameron hasn’t left this ward for more than a few minutes since he returned to base. He’s been by your side the whole time.”  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  


_Ben isn’t sure of the protocol here. Should he shake the hands of these legendary Jedi? Should he bow? He’s growing more uncomfortable by the standard second when the man – Qui-Gon, Ben remembered – finally takes pity on him._

_"I’m sure you’re very confused by our advent here, Ben.”_

_Ben tries to appear casual, nodding noncommittally and absently scratching his neck. “Yeah, confused is certainly one way to put it.”_

_The Jedi master chuckles at him, and there’s something so reassuring about it… as if he cares about Ben simply for the fact that he exists._

_Ben eyes Master Yoda then, a walking fountain of knowledge. If the rumors are true, that is. When Ben was going through his Jedi training, Luke often spoke of Master Yoda and his teachings as if he knew everything there was to know about the Jedi, about the Sith, about the Force itself._

_Luke had never described Yoda’s physical appearance, though, so needless to say that Ben is somewhat… perplexed. This isn’t quite how he pictured Master Yoda. He’s certain he’s never seen a member of this species before. Would it be rude to ask? Ben imagines he’d probably be slightly miffed if people were constantly asking him, “What are you?” so he fights his scholarly nature and decides against it._

_“Come, Young Solo. Hmm. Take a seat, you must.” Ben is feeling concerned about Yoda’s vocal cords when, out of thin air, Yoda conjures what seems to be a bench made of pure light right in front of them._

Show-off _, Ben thinks to himself._

_The small green Jedi master hobbles over to the luminescent bench and takes a seat. Qui-Gon joins him and, apprehensively, Ben does the same. There’s just enough space for each of them. Begrudgingly, Ben decides he is impressed._

_Qui-Gon’s husky timbre breaks the awkward silence. “It’s nice to finally meet you. Do you have any idea who we are?”_

_“I know of Master Yoda.” Ben passes said master a sideways smile before turning back to Qui-Gon. “My uncle, Luke, was taught by him and would speak of his teachings during my training. He spoke quite highly of him. But I’m afraid I’ve never been informed about you, Master Qui-Gon. I hope you don’t take offense.”_

_“That’s all right. I’m not surprised. I died when your grandfather was just 9 years old. I was the one who discovered him on Tatooine and brought him to the Jedi temple on Coruscant to be trained.”_

_Ben furrows his brow, unsure of where this is going, but nods, expecting Qui-Gon will elaborate._

_“I ended up dying shortly after we met, defeated by a Sith apprentice named Darth Maul. I had hoped I would get to train Anakin myself. He was discovered very late in his development as a Force user, much later than most Jedi, and I’d had experience with a case like that before. Unfortunately, I lost the chance to pass my knowledge onto him, but he ended up being trained by the padawan I had already taught: Obi Wan Kenobi. I’m sure you’ve heard of him. As my dying wish, I had asked Obi Wan to train the boy, to train your grandfather, even though it was unorthodox, even though it didn’t quite follow the code of the Jedi Order. Do you know why it was so important to me that he be trained, Ben?”_

_Ben has no clue and won’t deign to pretend, so he simply shakes his head. Yoda grumbles something unintelligible and adjusts his grip on his cane, causing Qui-Gon to smile and roll his eyes. Ben wonders what he missed but doesn’t ask. Now is clearly not the time._

_“Well, the Jedi master I was trained by had a… unique interest. Most masters had a specialty, a focus of sorts, in their application of the Force, which they would then teach to their padawans. For some, it was specialized types of lightsaber fighting styles. For others, it was manipulation and coaxing of the mind. For me, however, it was prophecy. My master was obsessed with interpreting and understanding the prophecies that had been written and preserved by the Jedi seers of the past, who believed themselves to have received visions from the Force itself. I took these visions, these prophecies, very seriously and still do as I believe the Force provides them to us for a reason, to inform our present so that we may build the foundation for a better future.”_

_Perhaps Yoda isn’t the only fountain of knowledge sitting on the bench with Ben. Ben finds himself beginning to smile as Qui-Gon speaks, amazed and inspired by his erudition, his dedication to all that the Force has to offer. Ben thinks he might have been quite like Qui-Gon… had Palpatine not interfered._

_Qui-Gon went on, “The reason I’m telling you this is because there was one such prophecy which I was most intrigued by. It went as follows: ‘A Chosen One shall come, born of no father, and through him will ultimate balance in the Force be restored.’ This particular prophecy haunted my every thought. Somehow, I felt it would be realized soon. Every time I read it, it felt imminent. And it turns out I was right. Your grandfather was the Chosen One the prophecy foretold would come, who would restore an ultimate balance in the Force.”_

_Master Yoda releases a throaty laugh at this, not disrespectful or derisive but conspiratorial, like he was in on a joke that Ben didn’t quite get. But Ben has a feeling the punchline will be revealed to him shortly._

_“While I still believe this to be true, Ben, my interpretation of the prophecy has… evolved as I discovered its relation to a separate prophecy.”_

_“What separate prophecy?” Ben can’t help but ask. It feels significant._

_Qui-Gon smirked and cleared his throat, “Born ten years apart, Light shall rise and Dark to meet it: a dyad in the Force. Through their union, they will achieve a perfect balance. They will nurture this balance so it may prosper, and, in its propagation, it will never die. The balance will last forever.”_

_Ben’s palms are sweating, and he is refusing to make eye contact with either of the Jedi masters seated with him. He isn’t sure, but he could swear that he sees Yoda kicking his feet with glee next to him._

_“Sounds familiar, Ben?”_

_Of course, it does! And the implications aren’t lost on him. But he’s too distracted by words like “union” and “propagation” to respond to Qui-Gon’s question which is, more than likely, rhetorical anyway._

_“You see, Ben, I believe that Anakin did restore the balance… but not by defeating Palpatine on the Death Star. He restored it by starting a family of his own. Born of no father, he became one. And in his creation of this family, dysfunctional as it was, he caused the creation of you. And, without you, there is no dyad, Ben. Without you, there is no balance.”_

_Yoda clears his throat – a hollow gesture, Ben thinks – before adding, “Tried to create a dyad in the Force, the Sith did. Their rule of two. A sad and futile attempt, it was. Yet, subconsciously, it could be claimed the same, the Jedi hoped to do. The dynamic of master and padawan, hrmmm? Yet, right under our noses, all on its own, a dyad came to be. Wrong, it seems, to sunder such a rarity, yes? Meant to be apart, you and Rey were not.”_

_Ben sighs, “So, you’ve both come to tell me that you believe I should go back?”_

_Qui-Gon chuckles again. “No, Ben, neither Yoda nor I believe you_ should _go back. We believe you_ will _. If we’re right, the prophecy foretells it.” He smiles so wide that it reaches his eyes, creating wrinkles around them. It reminds Ben of his father._

_“Take up too much of your time, we will not. Much to consider, you have.” Relying heavily on his cane, Yoda manages to lift himself off the bench he’d conjured. He pats Ben on the knee. “May the Force be with you, Ben.” Then, he begins to walk away._

_The other Jedi master stands up to join him, but Ben stops him with a hand on his shoulder. “If I go back, Qui-Gon… If I choose to be with Rey, how is there any guarantee that I’ll be able to maintain that balance between us or within myself? How is there any guarantee I won’t fall to the Darkness again?”_

_Qui-Gon settles his own hand over Ben’s. “Because you know now what I learned a long time ago, Ben: turning toward the Light is not a choice we make once and walk away from; it is the work of a lifetime.”_

_And, with that, they were gone, leaving Ben with his thoughts._

_“I sacrificed myself to save Rey because she was meant to die on Exegol,” he considers aloud, “So, how can it be true that the dyad isn’t meant to be broken? How can it be true that I’m meant to go back? Wouldn’t that make my sacrifice meaningless? How can I even accept advice from people who have no idea what it’s like to willfully sacrifice yourself like that?”_

_“Well, how about advice from someone who does?”_

Ah, my next guest _. Ben turns to see a petite woman with brown hair haphazardly pulled up into a bun at the back of her head. On a string around her neck glitters a kyber crystal. Ben is intrigued by her. After all, what’s one more fierce brunette to give him grief? “What do you mean? Who are you?” Ben asks, enthralled. She offers him her hand, and he takes it. He discovers that her hold has a surprising strength behind it._

_“My name is Jyn Erso,” she says, “And I know a great deal about sacrifice.”_


	5. Part 1: I Did Want to Take Your Hand, Chapter 5: You Have Already Begun to Heal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A month and a half after the mission to Corellia, how have circumstances progressed for and between the leaders of the Resistance? 
> 
> And how will Ben receive Jyn Erso? Will she be able to get through to him on her own?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are SO sorry for the delay in updating. The quarantine has not been kind, but we are back on track and hopeful that we'll be able to begin posting regularly again. If you are still here after all our time away, we appreciate you so much and hope you continue to enjoy this story!

Finn rotated his shoulder, testing its strength while waiting for Poe to show up for the emergency meeting that had been called after dinner. Now, a month and a half after his injury on Corellia, his arm was nearly back to normal. He was in a sling for longer than expected since Poe insisted he follow all medical orders strictly, Rey had backed him up. Unable to fight them both, Finn begrudgingly agreed to continue wearing the sling until he was officially released to take it off. 

Rey had spent a great deal of the time helping Finn, making sure he could still fulfill his Resistance duties while in his sling. Finn had a feeling, though, that she just wanted a distraction from whatever she was dealing with, and the recovery from his injury was the perfect opportunity for that. When he was finally allowed to use his arm freely again, she made sure he built up his strength slowly so as not to strain himself and have to start the process over. For a few fleeting moments, she seemed close to normal, but he knew the truth. Rey was still haunted by nightmares and visions of suffering she couldn’t shake. Most nights, she still slipped into his bed, incapable of facing them alone. 

Poe was also different during the six weeks since their return from Corellia but, rather than behaving differently in front of others as Rey was, he behaved differently behind closed doors. In public, Poe treated Finn as usual but, in private, Poe would turn up at surprising times to check on Finn, almost like he had when Rey was at her worst. Finn would be working on base and, suddenly, Poe was at his elbow with a snack and an excuse to stop and talk for a few minutes. A week after Finn finally received permission to remove his sling, Poe showed up at his room and presented him with a new blaster to replace the one he lost on Corellia. It was a beautiful weapon, clearly not the standard issue like the ones Resistance members usually carried. Poe dodged all of Finn’s questions about where he got it, instead sitting on the edge of the bed to show him his name engraved on the grip. 

“I thought you’d like to have something with your name on it instead of a number,” Poe said. Finn was at a loss for words, so he responded by leaning over to wrap his arms around Poe and squeezing him tight. The movement made him wince in pain due to the pressure on his shoulder, so Poe, without missing a beat, made Finn turn around. Then, he began rubbing the tension out of his neck and shoulders, avoiding what was left of the blaster burn as well as the scar from Ren’s saber. He cleared his throat in Finn’s ear, and whispered “You know, I was scared for a bit there that I… that  _ we _ were going to lose you.” . Taken off guard by this confession, Finn began to relax into Poe’s touch. Maybe Poe  _ did _ know how Finn felt. Maybe he even felt the same way... 

The moment, as well as Finn’s thoughts, were broken by a knock on the door. Poe jumped to his feet as Rey slipped in dressed for sleep. He hurriedly wished her and Finn a good night and ran off. Since then, he had steadily grown more distant, checking in with Finn less frequently. For the past few days, Finn had barely seen Poe, but he noticed that BB-8 seemed to roll by where he was working on a regular basis, beeping greetings before heading off, more than likely to report back to Poe. It would have been more subtle if Rey hadn’t been doing the same thing, sending Chewie or D-0 by to look in on him routinely. 

But, now, Rey had left to go to Tatooine. She wouldn’t tell anyone why, stubbornly insisting that she simply needed to go and finally could now that Finn was better. They had tensely negotiated for a week. None of them wanted to see her go off on her own, but she refused both Finn and Rose’s offers to go with her and had reminded Poe she was not one of his officers, that she could do as she pleased. Finally, Chewbacca had ended the arguments by roaring that  _ he _ was taking Rey to Tatooine, which was cleary the end of that discussion. He promised he’d keep her safe, which really meant  _ you can all calm down now _ . No one argued with him, although Poe did ask Rey to take BB-8 with her. He claimed the little droid wanted some action, that he was bored, but everyone knew that Poe wanted to make sure Rey had the extra company. She gratefully accepted, and they’d flown off in the Falcon that morning.

Luckily, C-3PO had been busy translating for various Resistance members since Exegol and hadn’t been around much, otherwise Poe probably would have had that droid checking in on him, too. In fact, the only time Finn had spoken to C-3PO was an hour before Rey had left when the droid brought a message about the emergency meeting he was currently waiting on. 

Connix and D’Acy joined Finn in the situation room. “How’s your arm, Finn?” Kaydel asked as she took her seat. 

“Better,” he replied. “Where is General Dameron?” 

“Threepio was going to look for him. He wasn’t at dinner,” D’Acy replied, starting to pull up maps on her screens. Connix typed on her datapad, making sure she was prepared. They all jumped when the door flew open. Poe stomped in, looking extremely worse for wear. He usually had stubble on his face, Finn had noticed before. He had even decided privately that he rather liked the look. However, right now, Poe looked as if he hadn’t shaved in several days. It was possible he hadn’t slept either, based on the bags under his bloodshot eyes which resembled bruises. As he crossed near Finn, Finn caught a whiff of liquor in the air and, before he could shut the door fully, Finn spotted Zorii Bliss down the hall. It made sense then. He hadn’t seen Poe because Poe had been with  _ her. _ Well, if that’s what he wanted, so be it. Finn wondered, though. If he were spending all his time with Zorii, why was Poe still so miserable?

Kaydel cleared her throat, and Finn rushed to take his seat. D’Acy looked to Poe, clearly expecting him to address the topic of the meeting and take control. But Poe just sat there, sullen and stone-faced. So she turned back to her screens and began, choosing to speak directly to Finn.

“We have a problem. As you know, we have spent the past year building up our supply lines to keep the growing Resistance fed, clothed, and armed.” She glanced back toward Poe, who gave her a terse nod. She continued, “However, the fall of the First Order has led to problems. Many planets have had massive changes in their government and its structure, which has caused disruptions in our supply lines. We need to reestablish them quickly , but we should probably find new sources for supplies shortly as we just received communications about another potential disruption that may impact us in the near future. We need to ensure, not just our immediate necessities, but the resources we’ll need to build a new government in the First Order’s wake.” 

“Where have the problems been focused?” Finn asked, moving closer to study the maps.

“Galaxy-wide,” Connix chimed in, “but there are two main problems we’ve identified. In a few areas, there are still remains of the First Order’s leadership. Our usual sources haven’t made contact, which could mean they’ve moved on… or that they’ve been discovered and usurped as the First Order tries to maintain control. We’ve lost contact with Fondor and Garel, though I’m sure there will be others.”

“Breaking down the last of the First Order will take time and planning,” Finn commented. “Is there another option?”

“Yes,” D’Acy replied, “trading posts have experienced some disorder from the power struggles in the galaxy, but as far as our intel can confirm, they’re still operating. We should just need to reestablish our connections on Ord Mantell and the Ring of Kafrene. If we reestablish those connections, we’d also reestablish the adjoined supply lines and be able to rely on them until we discover new resources.”

“Major Connix, would you be willing to take a small team to Ord Mantell immediately?” Connix nodded her assent. “Commander D’Acy, if you can, start preparing a team for the Ring of Kafrene to leave within the week. Your team can connect with traders there while we work on the First Order.” 

“Yes, General,” D’Acy replied.

“Good. Thank you both. Dismissed,” Finn said. Kaydel nodded at him and hurried off to assemble her team as D’Acy turned her attention to her datapad. Finn turned to look at Poe, who was looking at him. His teeth were digging into his lower lip and his eyes were indecipherable. 

“Are you in charge now?” Poe asked, his tone dangerously cold.

“What? No, I just—”

“I didn’t hear anyone ask my ideas.”

“You were just sitting there! You could have spoken up anytime, but you didn’t seem interested.”

“Why would I need to be? No one needs my opinion anymore. They’ve got General Finn’s.” Poe stood up and, without a word, stomped from the room, slamming the door behind him. 

Finn was astounded. Poe could have a temper, yes, but this was too much, too…  _ personal _ . He turned to look at Commander D’acy. She returned his gaze with her eyebrows raised. Without a word, she shrugged her shoulders and inclined her head towards the door, signalling him to go after Poe, before returning her gaze to her datapad. Finn got her message loud and clear. He took off after his fellow general, determined to finally confront him and find out what the hell his problem was.   
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
Poe stormed down the hallway, emotions raging.  _ Kriff _ , Finn was so damned attractive when he was confident, commanding. It cut Poe to the quick to see Finn like that when he knew he couldn’t have him. Poe wouldn’t get in the way of his relationship with Rey. She didn’t deserve that, but… it didn’t make it any easier to take. 

Poe only stopped walking long enough to take a generous swig from his flask. The whiskey burned on the way down, matching the burning of Poe’s cheeks. He knew he shouldn’t have lost his temper, shouldn’t have lost control. He’d tried his best to remain professional in spite of how the losses and the war broke him, but sometimes it was more than even he could handle. Running footsteps sounded behind him. Someone was coming. 

“What is  _ wrong _ with you, Poe?” Poe turned to find Finn in the hall behind him. He looked angry. 

Poe didn’t feel like having this conversation. “Nothing’s wrong, Finn. What are you talking about?”

“Oh, kriff  _ off _ with that, Poe. You know what I’m talking about.” Poe raised an eyebrow, daring Finn to actually confront him. “You know  _ damn _ well what I’m talking about. You aren’t dealing with your problems well, and you won’t let anyone help you.” 

“I am  _ just _ fine, thank you.” 

“Bantha shavit! If that’s the case, then why do I smell liquor on your breath? Why haven’t you shaved? And why do you keep sneaking Zorii Bliss into your room? We all want to help you! We are all worried. But she’s the only one you’re willing to let in.” 

Poe felt his anger rising, boiling in his chest. “Oh, that’s funny. My closeness with Zorii is somehow an issue while Rey keeps joining you in your bed each night? You spend every waking hour with her, Finn. What, are you picking a fight now because she’s off on an adventure without you?” 

“Rey is my friend. I care about her. I thought you did, too.” 

“I just find it interesting how your ‘friend’ keeps ending up in your bed. Seems a little  _ extra _ friendly to me.” 

“Well, what do you think I should do, Poe? She isn’t well! Not at all. She wakes up, convinced she’s back on Exegol, watching our fleet get wiped out. Something happened to her there, and she won’t tell anyone about it. And that’s if you can get her to sleep at all. The only thing that seems to help her is being near someone, so she sleeps with me when it’s bad and, yeah, that’s pretty much every night right now, but I’m not going to turn her away when she needs me, Poe.” 

Poe was floored. He knew it was foolish to think he’d be the only one still facing nightmares after everything they’d been through, but he had no idea Rey was still struggling so badly. She’d had a rough time, and Poe knew that, but he thought she was better. She’d seemed to be doing better around base, but that  _ was _ during the day, so maybe… He felt terribly guilty not knowing, having been blind to her troubles. She was so young and had already seen so much. “I didn’t know, Finn. Is she okay?” 

Finn shrugged his shoulders. “At least, she let me in… a little. She’s gotten better.  _ You _ keep blocking us all out.” 

“I’m dealing just fine on my own, Finn!” 

“That’s bantha fodder, and you know it. I know about your drinking. I know about your breakdowns. And I know about you kriffing Zorii. You aren’t subtle, Poe.”

Poe felt all the defenses he had tried to build up crumbling. He was so tired of the facade he had built. Suddenly, the drink he had was sitting sour in his stomach. Poe swallowed hard, running his fingers through the hair that was greying at the temples. “I… didn’t do anything with Zorii.”

It was Finn’s turn to raise his eyebrow. “Could have fooled me.” 

“I swear to you, Finn… I tried, but she knew I was just trying to forget. And she wouldn’t let me. But she helped. She just let me talk to her. I care about Zorii, but… it is _ not _ like that. She wouldn’t let me use her to forget.” 

“To forget what?” Finn was clearly pissed and impatient to listen to Poe’s excuses. 

“The war. Losses. Everything.  _ You _ .” 

“Poe, you aren’t making sense.”

“Look, I won’t get in the way. You and Rey are happy. I respect that. I just need some time for that on top of everything else.”

“Poe, why are you trying to forget me?”

“I love you, okay?”

“And Rey is just a friend, Poe! I don’t know how to get that through your head— you  _ what _ ?”

“ _ I love you, Finn _ . I… I think I have since I met you.”

“Poe… I…” Finn stepped swiftly toward him. Before Poe could react, Finn grasped Poe’s face and pressed his lips hard to Poe’s. His skin was soft against Poe’s unshaven face, and Poe didn’t know what to think or to feel. He couldn’t make himself move, so he just let himself be kissed. 

Pulling back, Finn looked hard at Poe, breathing heavily. “I love you, too,” he said. He smiled. “I just didn’t know how to tell you.” Poe felt his heart leap. Without thinking, he placed his hands on Finn’s waist. He pressed him against the nearby wall, rising onto his toes a little to be able to meet Finn’s lips more surely. Finn tangled his hands into Poe’s hair as they kissed, and Poe never wanted him to let go. 

Poe wanted to bottle this moment forever. How hot their lips were together, how Finn smelled… like the soap they all used, that was true… but something else. Like the woods… like the Force tree back home on Yavin. Finn smelled like home to him. He sighed in contentment against Finn’s lips. Finn briefly pulled back and mumbled, “Can’t believe we waited so long to do this,” before Poe caught his lips again, nudging them open with his tongue. Finn must be new to this, Poe reasoned based on his reaction, but he caught on quick. He tasted cool and sharp, like mint and Poe was sure he’d never get enough of his mouth or the feeling of his body against Poe’s or the way his hands tugged on Poe’s hair as they explored each other. 

“Shavit, do you have to mate in the kriffing hallway? Even banthas have the sense to look for a little privacy…” At the sound of the intruder, Finn and Poe broke apart. Finn turned away, embarrassed as Poe spun to figure out who had walked in on them. 

“Do you mind—” he started before seeing who was there. Zorii Bliss was staring at him, visor up and an eyebrow quirked up in a display of amusement. Babu Frik sat on her shoulder. 

“You finally did it, Dameron,” she said, “but did you have to do it in the hall? I mean I don’t mind, I’m just trying to walk here. Get a kriffing room.”

“Thanks, Zorii.” Poe said, long-suffering, although he genuinely meant it. He could tell by her eyes she was happy for him, and he knew he wouldn’t be if she hadn’t helped him survive all this time. 

“For what?” She winked at him. “Let’s go, Babu, we’ll leave the generals to their… business. Have fun, kids.” She turned to walk away. 

“HeyHEYYYY,” Babu yelled to Poe, giving him a thumbs up as he rode away on Zorii’s shoulder. Poe’s smile was so big it was almost painful. He slipped his hand into Finn’s and kissed him on the neck. 

“What do you think?” he breathed into Finn’s ear. “Should we get a room?” Finn’s answer was a tug on Poe’s hand, leading him back to his room.  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
Rey didn’t understand. 

She buried both lightsabers. She saw Leia and Luke’s spirits at peace. They had smiled at her as if to reassure her that everything would be all right. She introduced herself as a Skywalker to the woman she came across, a vow to carry on their legacy. 

But she still felt so  _ empty _ . Peace still evaded her. Grief still commanded her. 

Ben’s spirit remained absent while she continued to sense him.

She would never know peace so long as she lived without closure, without certainty that Ben had found peace, moved on, and reunited with the Cosmic Force. She would never know peace so long as she maintained the flicker of hope that Ben could still return to her, that he was out there somewhere waiting for her to find him.

That flicker of hope obsessed her, possessed her every thought, both waking and asleep. But with that flicker of hope came a constant pain at the loss of Ben, at his absence. And that pain was overwhelming. Rey didn’t know how much longer she could live with it, with the pain, the sadness, the anguish, the grief. Even if she could, she didn’t  _ want  _ to. 

So she wouldn’t. 

She wouldn’t feel  _ anything _ . 

Until the Force provided her with some sort of closure or she saved Ben, she would numb herself to the thoughts and feelings that tormented her, the memories of him offering his hand to her, of him promising her she wasn’t alone, of him fighting by her side, of him kissing her, of him smiling at her, of him fading away right in front of her, just as they’d finally found each other. 

There would be no more crying.

She would put all of her energy, all of her focus into researching the ways in which she might possibly reunite with Ben in the Living Force. And she would start with Beaumont Kin, the Resistance’s lead historian with a penchant for Sith lore. Resurrection was messy business, based entirely in attachment and emotional connection, meaning that the Sith would be the best source of information on it. If anyone could help her with her undertaking, it would be him.

Chewie roared at her from the co-pilot’s seat. They were coming into the atmosphere of Ajan Kloss. She’d spent the entire trip back from Tatooine inside her head, and he hadn’t attempted to speak to her once, handling the flight controls entirely on his own. She appreciated it. He must have sensed that she was wrestling with something.

She wondered if he could also sense her newfound resolve.

She wondered if he could sense her losing her grip.  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
The Falcon landed in the hangar without much fanfare. Rey and Chewie hadn’t left on some high priority mission but a personal excursion, so no one besides their inner circle had even been notified of their departure. They hadn’t explained the nature or purpose behind their excursion, but they’d made it clear they weren’t going to be in any immediate danger.

Poe and Finn were too busy consummating their newly romantic relationship, and Connix had been sent off-world to reestablish contact with some of their allies, so Rose stood there alone, waiting for the boarding ramp to fall open and her best friend to walk out safe and sound. 

And she did. Rey gracefully descended the Falcon’s ramp and walked toward Rose with Chewie and BB-8 following not too far behind. 

But as Rey got closer, Rose grew more and more anxious because something about her seemed… off. She wasn’t even looking at Rose. In fact, as she continued walking, Rose realized that Rey didn’t even seem to notice that she was there, that Rey was about to walk right past her without any acknowledgement.

“Rey?”

Rose’s voice seemed to startle her. She didn’t turn to look at Rose right away. At first, she stopped dead in her tracks and just continued to look straight ahead. But, eventually, she turned her head to face Rose. Rose felt herself grow nauseated. There was nothing, no light behind Rey’s eyes as she said, “Yes?”

“I’ve been waiting for you to arrive. I was worried about you. Are you… okay?”

Rey’s face didn’t change. Rose’s words didn’t even seem to register until Rey replied, “I’m fine, Rose. I just need some rest.” Then, she walked away without another word.

Rose was speechless to stop her. She had no idea of the right words to say or the right questions to ask in order to hold her, to wake her up from whatever was dulling her. This was the second time Rey’s behavior had taken her by surprise since the battle on Exegol. She’d been surprised by Rey’s original outburst, the despair and rage and lack of control, but this… this was far worse. Rose could handle Rey’s tears and kicking and screaming and tossing and turning because, at least, it meant she was  _ feeling _ , that Rey was still in there somewhere. The silence, though… Rose couldn’t handle that. Because silence could mean that Rey had grown numb, and if Rey had grown numb, it could mean that Rey was surrendering to the darkest part of herself, that she was no longer fighting to overcome it. And, if that were the case… 

It meant they were losing her.

Rose needed to speak with Poe immediately.  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
_ Rather than go about introducing himself to his latest visitor or attempting to create some sort of small talk before the true purpose of their conversation is revealed, Ben simply takes a seat on the bench that was conjured by Master Yoda and pats the spot next to himself. He doesn’t want to stand on ceremony. Formality doesn’t exactly seem paramount to the circumstances he finds himself in, nor does he have the patience for it. No, if a bevy of ghosts plans to keep this up and speak with him one-by-one, they’ll just have to make themselves at home because, until he makes a decision, that’s exactly what he plans to do.  _

_ Jyn doesn’t question it, clearly comfortable with skipping the pleasantries and moving right onto the heart of the matter. Sitting down next to him and turning her fierce gaze on him, she asks, “Did your mom ever tell you about how they destroyed the first Death Star?”  _

_ “Uncle Luke shot it?” Ben shrugs, sure that she would expand on the topic. _

_ A wry grin lit up Jyn’s face. “But how did they know where to shoot? Did she tell you how they got the plans?”  _

_ He shakes his head. “Not exactly. When I asked, she always told me that a very brave group of people stole them, but she didn’t elaborate. She didn’t like to think about it, but… she said they brought her hope.”  _

_ Jyn’s smile turns wistful. “Yes. Rebellions are built on hope.”  _

_ “You said you knew about sacrifice... did you…?”  _

_“Sacrifice myself? I did. I was a member of the Rogue One squadron that retrieved the plans for the Death Star from the imperial military base on Scarif and made sure they got to your mother. And I died while on that mission. We all did._ _We knew the odds going in, that there was a good chance we wouldn’t survive. That didn’t matter to us, though, because of the countless innocent lives that our actions would save_. _We managed to send the plans to the Rebellion just before the last of us were wiped out by the Death Star.”_

_ Ben’s brow knits as he mulls over her words. “Why did you decide to do it?”  _

_ Jyn huffs a laugh, and something about it comforts Ben, that he isn’t the only one who experiences such bittersweet nostalgia for their past. “It took me a while to understand the importance of our cause. The civil war had taken everything from me. My father was forced to work for the Empire. He was instrumental in the construction of the Death Star but also ensured it could be destroyed by designing the flaw in it. I was very angry for a long time, so angry that I didn’t see myself on either side. I had fought with Partisans but they left me behind. I struck out on my own and landed in prison. The Rebellion broke me out and decided I was useful. We went to find my father, to find out about the weapon he built.” Jyn draws a shaky breath, wrapping one of her small hands around the crystal hung around her neck.  _

_ Ben feels the urge to reach out and comfort her, but she doesn’t seem like a woman who invites intimate gestures of kindness too freely, so he resists. He can tell, though, that this part of the story takes everything she has to tell it.  _

_ “My father,” she finally continues, “was killed in an Alliance attack shortly after the Rebellion found me. We had just managed to reach him when the attack hit, but… I got to speak with him. I got to say goodbye. He told me about the flaw in the Death Star’s design. I took everything he’d told me to the Rebellion, ready to risk it all and help them after hearing what my father had to say. Unfortunately, the council didn’t want to launch an attack to get the plans. They said the Rebellion was finished, but… there was one rebel. Captain Andor. Cassian. He believed me and trusted me. He provided me with a home, something I hadn’t had for years. We led the Rogue One mission together and were the last surviving members of our team when we sent the transmission. Cassian and I gave the Rebellion everything we had and died in each other’s arms on the beach that day. Our sacrifice cost us our chance at a full life together. We could only be together in the Cosmic Force. But you can go back. Your chance is not lost.”  _

_ Straight to the point. Ben appreciates that. He also completely understands what she’s trying to say. A lot of people would like nothing more than the opportunity he has, to go back to the Living Force and be with the person they love, to have a full life with them. Still, he can’t help but to remind himself that it’s not as simple as it seems. As he considers Jyn’s advice, Ben looks closer at the crystal around her neck and realizes why it seems so familiar. “Why do you wear a kyber crystal? You aren’t a Jedi, are you?” _

_ At this, she releases a more genuine laugh. “The Jedi aren’t the only ones who have a connection to the Force, Ben.” She looks down at the crystal. “My mother gave it to me the day she died. I was only eight. She said it would protect me. She believed so strongly in the Force and how it connects everything in the universe and, because of her, I believe in it, too. Her last words to me were, ‘Trust in the Force.’ I do. It guided all of us that day on Scarif.”  _

_ Ben groans, scrubbing a hand over his face, frustrated by the first thing she’s said that doesn’t make sense to him. “I don’t understand. How can you maintain your faith in the Force when it took so much from you?” _

_ His heart nearly leaps out of his chest as a new voice sounds from behind them. “The Force works in mysterious ways, my friend.” _

_ Jyn’s eyes brighten when she catches sight of their newest guest, a man carrying a staff. “Chirrut! I’m so glad you decided to join us.” She stands, walks over, and takes his hand, pulling him toward where Ben is still seated on the bench. As they come closer, Ben realizes the man is blind. Interesting that, even after reuniting with the Cosmic Force, he would maintain such a challenge for himself. Ben wonders if individuals have control over such a thing, or if the Cosmic Force makes those decisions for them. “Ben, this is Chirrut Imwe. He was another member of the Rogue One squadron. He sacrificed himself the same as I did.” _

_ “Ah, it was easy. Sacrifice is simple when one has faith, and I was lucky enough to have faith in two things that day.” He smiles at Jyn warmly. “The Force and you.” Then, he turns to Ben. “What about you, Ben? What did you have faith in?” _

Finally, a question I know how to answer _ , thought Ben. “Rey. I believed in Rey.” He sighs, “I’ve always believed in Rey.” _

_ “Your faith in her is unconditional. Why is your faith in the Force not the same?” _

_ Ben takes a deep breath. He supposes it would’ve been too much to ask for two easy questions in a row. “Well, I don’t think that’s where the trouble truly lies. If I’m being honest, the trouble is that I have no faith in myself, so how can I expect the Force to? And if I can’t expect the Force to have faith in me, how can I have faith in it? The relationship I have with the Force… It’s never been as symbiotic as I’d like it to be, or as I suppose it’s meant to be.” _

_ “He’s a lot like Captain Andor, isn’t he? Carrying his prison with him wherever he goes.” _

_ Jyn rolls her eyes fondly. “Ben, we understand. But going back wouldn’t just be a second chance at your relationship with Rey. It would also be a second chance at your relationship with the Force, at living in the Light and being of use. I know you would do anything to make up for the pain you’ve caused. You  _ can _. All you have to do is go back.” _

_ Chirrut hums in agreement. “I know it is not so simple as it seems, Ben. But all that you fear is combatted by all that you’ve learned. You have everything you need.” _

_ “What do you mean?” _

_ “You have  _ hope _. In the absence of all else, hope can remain and feed faith, ignite joy, cultivate love. You know this because your heart seemed, to you, a vacuum of all this until the echo of hope rang within its walls. You have already begun to heal, Ben. You need not fear that you will lose yourself again because, as you now understand, what’s inside of you can never truly be lost… only misplaced. And it is found again the moment you make the choice to look for it. You have made this journey already. You have misplaced who you are only to rediscover it. You have maintained a flicker of hope throughout years of Darkness. The Darkness cannot control you anymore. Deep down, I believe you know that.” _

_ Ben squints at Chirrut, his words registering while simultaneously sparking a realization in Ben’s mind. “You’re one of them, aren’t you? The Guardians of the Whills. The way you speak… It's reminiscent of texts that I read while studying under my uncle. The Jedi Order documented some of the Guardians’ mantra after discovering them a few years before the Trade Federation invaded my grandmother’s planet. They weren’t Jedi but had a devout faith in the Force that rivaled that of the Jedi.” As Ben speaks, Chirrut’s grin grows impossibly wide, and he nods a confirmation. _

_ “Your intuition is quite remarkable,” he says, impressed. “I defended the Temple of the Kyber on Jedha until it, along with all of Jedha City, was destroyed by the Death Star. That’s when I met this one.” He points at Jyn, who’s been watching this whole interaction with an amused smirk.  _

_ “Ben, I am not a Jedi. Nor am I a Guardian. I am just a regular person. A person who spent her life loving good people that had done terrible things, whether they wanted to or not. My father spent his better years under the Empire’s thumb. Cassian died in the middle of his, tormented by guilt. Saw, the man who protected me after my mother was killed and my father was taken, was too radicalized and jaded by war to recognize when his best years were upon him. I am tired of seeing good people broken by circumstances beyond their control. You can break that cycle, Ben. You and Rey. You can start a new era of peace and maintain it. So long as you do it  _ together _.” Jyn remains physically calm throughout this whole monologue, but her eyes are pleading. She means what she says. She believes in Ben and what his potential means not just for himself but for the whole galaxy. And he admires her so much in this moment that he promises himself, should he go back to Rey, he’ll find some way to honor her in his new life. The galaxy may have forgotten Jyn Erso, but Ben would not. _

_ “Well said, my friend,” Chirrut chimes in. “Ben, you are presented with a rare opportunity, perhaps the first of its kind. We know that, when the time comes, you will make the right choice for yourself. But we also understand that there are people you need to make peace with before you can make that choice. So we leave you to that endeavor. May I ask you a favor, though?” _

_ Ben quirks his brow. He can’t imagine what in the galaxy he could do that would be of any value to a man so beyond him in every possible capacity, but he’ll certainly try his best. _

_ “When you go back,” he continues, “should you ever feel yourself getting lost again, please let these words guide you home: ‘I am one with the Force, and the Force is with me.’ Say these words, and you will find your way, no matter how far you manage to roam.” _

_ Ben smirks as he says, “Deal.” _

_ “I am glad to have met you, Ben.” Jyn offers her hand to him once more, and Ben takes it, squeezing lightly. “I wish you every kind of happiness.” _

_ “Thank you, Jyn.” He smiles and releases her hand. “Chirrut.” He nods at the man.  _

_ “Farewell, Ben,” the man responds, a note of finality in his tone. _

_ Chirrut makes to leave, Jyn following closely behind. She turns back to grin at Ben one last time, and then the Cosmic Force opens itself before her. Just on the other side of the opening, Ben sees a man standing in wait with the bearing of a soldier. Chirrut passes by the man with a light pat on his shoulder, but Jyn takes the man’s hands in hers and pulls him into a quick, gentle kiss before taking him in her arms. After they part, the man turns and looks at Ben curiously, then smiles, takes Jyn’s hand, and leaves with her as the opening closes. _

_ That must have been Cassian, Ben realizes. Seeing he and Jyn together fills Ben with a warm, glowing joy. To know that, despite the fact they could not be with each other in life, they were able to find each other in death. But it also incites a deep, chilling ache in his bones because it makes him miss Rey all the more, and he is still not ready to go back to her. Yet, now he feels much more confident in the idea that soon… he will be. _

_ He remains on the bench, considering what Chirrut had said about him needing to make peace before he can choose to return to Rey, and wonders what it may take for that peace to be made. As he does, he hears slow footsteps begin to sound from behind him, approaching him slowly, leisurely. He does not turn but allows the newcomer to take a seat beside him.  _

_ Glancing at them, he immediately recognizes them to be a female Togruta, her blue and white striped montrals and lekku contrasting starkly against her sunset orange skin. She glances back at him, a carefree smile already forming on her face.  _

_ She speaks before he has the chance to, though he’s not sure if he ever would have, exhausted as he is. “Hello, Ben. My name’s Ahsoka!” She lifts her hand in an enthusiastic half-wave, half-salute. “Ahsoka Tano. And that probably means absolutely nothing to you, which is fair—” _

_ “Actually, it means a great deal,” he breathes, amazed to see his grandfather’s former padawan and mother’s former rebel comrade sitting next to him. _

_ Her mouth falls open in disbelief, but she quickly collects herself. “Well, that is just…  _ awesome _. Seriously, so awesome! But we’ll have time to get into the cool stories you’ve heard about me. Right now, there’s a much more important conversation for you to be having. I brought someone with me who’s been waiting to speak with you. He wasn’t sure how you’d receive him, though, so he sent me in as a…” She waves her hand in the air as she searches for the right words, “...a  _ buffer  _ of sorts. Yeah, that’s it, a buffer!” She laughs at herself. It makes Ben want to laugh, too. “Anyway, I’d say I’ve warmed you up pretty well at this point, so  _ get out here,  _ old man.” She looks over her shoulder to the mystery person standing somewhere behind them. _

_ Ben decides he’d rather just find out who it is than wait for the mystery guest to grow a spine, so he turns to look and quickly figures out that he was entirely unprepared for who he sees. _

_ “Hi, Ben,” he says, his voice shaky. He glides toward Ben, his hands clasped in front of himself and his eyes downturned. Whether from fear or shame, Ben isn’t sure. _

_ “Hello,” Ben sighs, “I was wondering when you’d come to see me… Uncle Luke.” _


	6. Part 1: I Did Want to Take Your Hand, Chapter 6: It's Easy When You Love Someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What will Finn, Poe, Rose, and Kaydel do to help Rey through her current state of numbness?
> 
> Is there anything they can do at all?
> 
> And how will Ben and Luke react to each other now that Ben has returned to the Light?

Rose fidgeted as she waited outside of the room she and Rey shared on base. Rey was inside doing Force-knows-what. She’d been poring over the Jedi texts day in and day out for the two weeks since she’d returned from Tatooine. Rose had no idea what Rey was looking for. She wasn’t even sure that Rey was sleeping because she hadn’t gone to Finn once since she’d come back. More than that, though, Rey’s behavior on base had shifted drastically. She spent nearly all of her time alone and, when any of them reached out to her, she barely responded. Her face was constantly blank or, at most, passive. Her vocal cords were probably atrophying from lack of use. And Rose knew she wasn’t the only who’d noticed all of this…

Which is why she was standing outside of their room, waiting for the rest of their family to arrive, so they could all approach Rey together and stage an intervention of sorts.

Rose knew this plan could backfire pretty spectacularly if not executed with care, but nothing else had worked up to this point. They’d all been trying so hard to help Rey heal from whatever had happened to her on Exegol, but all they’d accomplished were temporary obstructions of her mind’s descent into psychosis. If they didn’t get a handle on it now, Rose was afraid Rey would never recover.

Even worse was the fact that Rose had to think of a tactic for resolving the issue without understanding its cause, the root of it all. And she only grew more frustrated with her lack of understanding because it felt like it was on the tip of her tongue… as if her mind somehow knew the truth of what was hurting Rey, but something was impeding her from recognizing it. As if her mind had a physical wall built up, trapping the truth inside of it. It was a horrible feeling.

Rose stopped fidgeting when she heard footsteps advancing toward her. Kaydel, Finn, and Poe were all walking together and, based on Poe’s wild gesticulation while he spoke, they were having a fairly heated discussion. She was brought up to speed once they got close enough for her to hear them properly.

“No, Kaydel! If Rey’s really gotten worse, which I can only assume to be the case based on the _ everything about her lately _ , then she needs to be our priority. We have to postpone the Garel mission—”

Kaydel groaned, interrupting him, “I want Rey to get better, too, Poe, but we have no idea what exactly is wrong with her! We have no real plan for how to help her, and we can’t put the restoration of the entire galaxy on hold while we figure it out. Rey, even in her right mind, wouldn’t want us to postpone this mission. It’s too important! The data you retrieved on Corellia was exactly what we needed to start flushing out the last of the First Order! There are innocent lives at stake. That’s all that would matter to her.”

Poe sighed in resignation as the three of them came to a stop in front of Rose. He knew Kaydel was right. But he’d always been extraordinarily protective of Rey, even when they weren’t getting along. He was almost like the older brother Rey had never asked for but secretly always wanted, no matter how often she told Rose that Poe got on her nerves. Rose had asked Poe about it after he brought Rey her favorite foods in the medbay when this all began. Poe had told Rose he didn’t quite comprehend it himself, but ever since he met Rey, he’d felt the need to make sure she’s cared for, that she’s protected and safe. He said that, sometimes, he thought it might be because she reminds him of someone he used to know… but then he’d grown quiet, so Rose figured it must be a sore subject and decided it was best not to press for more details. Poe didn’t like to talk about the past.

Finn looked entirely exhausted by the whole discussion, which Rose understood. She and him had been the two who put the most concentrated effort into helping Rey, and they had so little to show for it. Arguing about what was best when it felt like there was no real answer seemed only more vain than all the discussions had before now.

But this time would be different. Rose would make sure of it. “Where’s Chewie? Is he not coming?”

Finn shook his head. “No, he’d just started a transmission with Maz. I told him I would give him the rundown afterwards.”

“Okay then! Looks like it’s up to us. Poe,” she started, hoping to prevent any further argument, “let’s just see how this goes, and then we can make a more durasteel decision about Garel, all right?” He nodded tersely. “Are we ready?” Finn and Kaydel nodded as well. Rose took a deep breath, exhaling in a rush, “Great,” and opened the door to her room.

Rey was sitting on her bed in the same spot and position that Rose had found her in for the last two weeks. The only difference Rose ever noticed was which text she was studying. Rose and the others walked over, attempting subtlety, though that wasn’t a skill that any of them possessed naturally. Rey didn’t look up from the text.

Rose cleared her throat, “...Rey?”

They stood there, unmoving, as Rey remained silent for what must have only been moments but seemed to drag on for eons. Eventually, though, Rey flipped the page in the text, a signal that she’d finished reading the previous page, marked her place, and closed it. She looked up at the distraught faces of her friends, but there was nothing behind her eyes, no consideration or thought, just moving parts. It made Rose’s stomach turn. 

Coming to the conclusion that Rey did not plan on asking them why they were all standing in front of her, Rose pushed on. She sat down on the edge of the bed next to where Rey’s legs sat crossed over one another. Rey’s eyes followed Rose, but her face didn’t change. Rose reached out and placed a hand on Rey’s knee. Still nothing. “Rey, we wanted to talk to you.” Rose looked to the rest of them, and they all nodded at her again, encouraging her to continue.

“We’re worried about you. You’ve been… distant. Far more distant than usual. And not just distant but  _ absent _ . You know, we see you sitting here in front of us, but it’s as if you’re not truly there.” Rey’s eyes remained vacant, her body bearing the likeness of stone in its eery, cold stillness. “And instead of making bootless attempts at trying to help you in the way we think is best, we were hoping to talk it out with you, see if you might have any ideas of what it will take to get you back to yourself.”

“I don’t want to talk it out.” Rey’s voice startled them, especially Rose. It was slightly hoarse. She tried to think back: how long had it been since she’d heard Rey speak?

Finn stepped forward. “Then what is it that you  _ do  _ want, Rey? What are you looking for in these books? What are you trying to achieve?”

“It’s none of your business,” Rey snapped. Rose felt herself blanche in shock, and she was sure she wasn’t the only one. How could Rey say that to Finn of all people? He was visibly wounded by her words but didn’t take the bait, wouldn’t let her goad him into an argument to avoid the conversation and get them all out of the room.

Poe decided to try his hand, coming toward Rey and kneeling in front of her, gesticulating more gently and openly with his hands than he had been out in the hall, propitiating. “Fine, honey, don’t tell us. You don’t have to explain yourself. But we still want to help you with whatever mysterious task you’ve undertaken. In any way that we can or that you’ll allow us to. That shouldn’t be a problem, right? We just miss you, Rey.”

Rose smiled at Rey, nodding earnestly, agreeing with his words. Rey’s brow creased with contemplation, and she pursed her lips. Rose saw this as a good sign. At least she was considering their offer.

Rey turned away, staring at a spot on the wall, unwilling to make eye contact as she spoke, “I’m not sure you  _ can  _ help.” Her hands were picking at the bed covering nervously. Rose wondered what she had cause to be nervous about with them. Perhaps she was worried they’d figure out more than she wanted them to know if she let them help. Rose didn’t think that was unfair of her. Whatever was affecting Rey was obviously something extremely sensitive, something close to her. If the rest of them knew about it and said or did the wrong thing, it might just make her feel even worse. Rose didn’t want that any more than Rey did. 

Kaydel joined Rose on the edge of the bed and took her hand. She instantly felt better than she had the moment before. Squeezing Rose’s hand, Kaydel suggested, “Maybe we can ask simple yes-or-no questions that might lead us to a solution but won’t reveal too much detail about what it is you’re going through? And if the question turns out to not be vague enough, you can just refuse to answer it. How does that sound?”

Rey’s hands stopped picking, and she clasped them in her lap as she turned back to all of them. She swallowed stiffly, then slowly nodded at them, agreeing to Kaydel’s idea.

“Are you in any danger?” Kaydel asked.

Rey shook her head.

Finn went next. “Does it have something to do with the Resistance, with the restoration?”

Another headshake.

“Does it have to do with what happened on Exegol?” Rose tried.

Rey froze, and Rose could tell she was unsure she wanted to answer… but then she nodded. After all, it was pretty plain to everyone that the events on Exegol were, at least, part of the catalyst because this had all begun with her breakdown once she’d gotten back to base that day. Giving an affirmative answer to that question didn’t really reveal any more than they already knew, but it was a stepping-off point.

“Do you have any solid leads for how to fix whatever it is that happened?” Finn asked, hopeful.

But Rey shook her head, a profound disappointment evident in the movement. Rose couldn’t believe it. All the time Rey had spent reading and rereading, but she hadn’t grasped a single thread that could begin patching up her problems. 

Then Poe, who had been pacing in front of the bed, puzzling, released a noise that signalled he had an idea. He turned to Rey and said, “What if we took you back to Exegol? Would that help?”

Finn jumped on the suggestion, “Poe, that’s a terrible—”

“Yes,” Rey said, ignoring Finn’s protest. “Yes, there’s a chance that it would help. I hadn’t considered it because I’d been trying so hard not to think about what happened, but if I could…” She looked down, her brow crinkling with thought. “It might help.” 

Rey didn’t elaborate on what she “could” do on Exegol that “might help,” but this was the first time in two weeks that they’d been able to appeal to her at all, so Rose wasn’t going to complain. One step at a time.

Poe smiled and knelt back down in front of Rey, taking her hands. “Good. I  _ promise _ I will take you back to Exegol. But we have an important mission coming up, months in the making with only a few weeks of planning left, so do you think you could wait until then? We’ll go with you, and we’ll be there for you, whatever you need.” Rey frowned, and Rose’s heart began beating faster. She didn’t want to lose the ground they’d only just managed to gain. “If you can’t wait, I understand. I’ll take you now, and we’ll put off the mission, but the First Order still has a hold of the planet Garel, and they’re terrorizing the innocent people who live there. I don’t want to guilt-trip you at all, but the longer we wait to go in and remove them, the more innocent people that could be hurt or killed. That’s why it’s so important.”

Rey didn’t hesitate. “Go get the bastards.”

Poe’s smile widened. “Now,  _ that’s _ the Rey I know and love.” He kissed her hand and got up as Finn came closer, then bent over and kissed the top of her head. 

“Thank you, Rey,” Finn said. He and Poe took each other’s hand and walked out, probably headed to the situation room to throw themselves back into planning the Garel mission. The quicker the plans were completed, the quicker they’d all be able to get back and make for Exegol with Rey.

Kaydel reached over and squeezed Rey’s knee, offering a smaller, more private smile than Poe had. A more  _ Kaydel  _ smile. The warmth of it flooded Rose, starting from her heart and blooming outward. Kaydel stood, said, “Everything’s going to be okay, Rey,” and headed for the door, kissing Rose on the cheek before actually leaving.

Rose felt a weight beginning to lift off of her shoulders. For the first time in a while, she had the smallest bit of confidence that things might soon return to normal. All they needed to do was get through this mission. 

“A few more weeks, Rey. Then we’re all yours.”

She just hoped that Rey could hold onto the last remaining pieces of herself until then.  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
As soon as everyone had left the room, Rey dropped the text she’d been reading and walked out into the corridor. She made a beeline for the main dining room where she quickly discovered just the person she’d been looking for: Beaumont Kin. She hadn’t yet spoken with him since returning from Tatooine, too concerned with dissecting the Jedi texts until she was sure she hadn’t missed anything, any possible clue as to how she might achieve resurrection. Having lost hope for the texts to provide any helpful information, and with the prospect of returning to Exegol in the somewhat near future, Rey would exhaust her last remaining resource by speaking with Beaumont.

She had to be careful with her questions, though. Otherwise, Beaumont could become suspicious of her intentions, and that was the last thing she needed. If he was concerned enough, he might go to Rose, or worse, Poe. She had to be cautious. 

Beaumont was sitting alone at one of the dining tables, a datapad in front of him, scrolling as he distractedly spooned what looked like tiingilar into his mouth. If it  _ was  _ tiingilar, Rey was officially impressed because the infamously spicy Mandalorian stew was not for the faint of heart. Rey was pretty sure she could smell it from where she stood all the way across the room. It made sense, though, that the Resistance historian who was unafraid of studying Sith lore was also unafraid of the heat from tiingilar. Both required an extraordinary level of courage.

Beaumont caught sight of Rey looking his way. He smiled and waved her over to his table. Either he didn’t notice or just didn’t care that she had been staring at him. She didn’t smile or wave back but quickly crossed the distance between them and took a seat across from him as he said, “Hi, Rey! How can I help you?” He moved the datapad aside and dropped the spoon into his stew, offering Rey his full attention. It made her feel slightly more comfortable with the conversation they were about to have.

She twiddled her thumbs, considering how to go about getting the answers she wanted, then finally met his eyes. “I wanted to ask you a few questions. I understand that you’re the person to go to for any information we might have about Sith knowledge.” Beaumont nodded at her, affirming. “I’ve read and reread the Jedi texts many times over now, but there are a few blanks I’m hoping to fill in in hopes that, going forward, I might be able to teach those who are Force Sensitive in a broader, more open way. I’d like to prevent us from making the same mistakes the Jedi did all over again by only allowing Force users to understand one side of the Force, one side of themselves.” As she spoke, she realized she actually meant what she was saying, even if it wasn’t the true motivation for her current research. She wouldn’t let anyone she may someday train push down or bottle up the darker parts of themselves. She would teach them to embrace and tame those parts of themselves. She would teach balance.

“That sounds great, Rey. I’m happy to assist in any way that I can.”

Rey gave him the slightest upturn on one side of her mouth, not really a smile or even a smirk, but  _ something _ . “Perfect. See, the aspect of Force use that I’ve been exploring in greater depth recently is healing. I was curious if the Sith had their own unique ideas for how to approach it and, if they did, to what extent it might reach.” She hoped that was hazy enough of an inquiry for him to take it at face value and offer as extensive an answer as possible. If he asked her to elaborate, she wasn’t sure how she would without possibly revealing her aim. 

He didn’t ask her to elaborate, though, instead diving right into a disquisition on the subject. “Well, the Sith didn’t do much experimentation with more generalized healing as acts such as those would demand a certain amount of selflessness not often afforded by them. However, those who practiced with the Dark Side of the Force were perfectly capable of the acts on a technical level. All that generalized healing technically necessitates is that a user be proficient enough to sense their own Life Force and transfer it to another living being. It’s a rare skill as the necessary proficiency has not often been met. Most beings, even those sensitive to the Force, don’t have life spans long enough to reach it. But there have been a few, spread out over time, who mastered the ability.”

It wasn’t in Rey’s nature to be overly smug or proud, but she was quite pleased with herself in this moment, knowing that she’d taught herself something advanced without even realizing it. 

Beaumont went on, “Of course, the Sith  _ did  _ experiment with healing to the extent that it might keep them from dying or even save someone else they cared about from such a fate. There isn’t too much information documented on the matter as the Sith, evil more often than not, didn’t want others gaining such a power and maintaining an advantage over them. What records we do have, though, detail cases in which Sith Lords who were believed to have died somehow came back or nearly did. A Lord known as Darth Revan, according to legend, resurrected his nemesis, Darth Vitiate, to physical form after he had died because Vitiate’s spirit had endured beyond his death and Revan wanted to ensure he was destroyed permanently. Another Sith Lord known as Marka Ragnos was nearly resurrected by cultists who considered themselves to be his disciples. Their leader, Tavion Axmis, nearly succeeded in resurrecting Ragnos with what was known as the Scepter of Ragnos, believed to still contain Ragnos’ essence, but was ultimately thwarted by a Jedi known as Jaden Korr. A particularly nasty Sith Lord known as Darth Krayt is believed to have resurrected himself, multiple witnesses to his death discovering him alive at a later point, but the records are foggy on how he accomplished it. It is suggested that he used an ability known as Dark Transfer, but again, the details of how that ability works are… foggy. Lord Momin was believed to have transferred his essence into his mask upon his death, imbuing it with the power to corrupt those who wore it with Darkness. And then, as you most likely know, Darth Sidious, otherwise known as Palpatine, managed to sustain himself all this time with cloning technology that we don’t yet understand. I’m not sure we should. Resurrection is… unnatural.” He offered the last bit of knowledge with a tone of finality, making it clear that was all the knowledge he had on the subject, that he didn’t much feel like talking about it any further. It was more than enough for Rey to work with.

“So, in all these cases, the Sith Lord’s spirit or essence, whatever you’d like to call it, tarried past their death enough for others to restore them?”

Beaumont nodded ploddingly, but Rey could tell he was growing uncomfortable with her line of questioning. She just needed one more answer before she could let it be.

“Hypothetically, could a Force-sensitive’s essence, or at least part of it, remain at the site of their death? If they didn’t pass into the Cosmic Force for some reason?”

He appeared intrigued by her question rather than appalled, but she knew she couldn’t prod any deeper. He scratched his chin for a moment, looking off into the distance and thinking it over. His gaze fell back on her as he responded, “I’d say it’s definitely a possibility. If you somehow knew that they hadn’t passed into the Cosmic Force, that for some reason they or their spirit still lingered on this plane, there’s a possibility their essence transferred into something physical, something near them at the time of their death, searching for somewhere to hide.”

Rey felt as if she were breathing for the first time since she left Tatooine. The taste of hope was latent on her tongue and anticipation tingled all over her skin, causing her to shiver. 

That must have been it. The reason Ben's Force signature still buzzed inside her mind. The reason it seemed he might still be alive. His essence remained on Exegol. And she would use it to restore him, no matter how Dark the act may be.

But she couldn’t let anyone know what she planned to do, couldn’t give them any inclination, so she would continue to keep her distance until she’d succeeded.

“Thank you, Beaumont! I appreciate you being patient with me. I’ll let you know if I end up needing anything else, okay?”

He smiled again. “Absolutely!”

And with that, Rey got up and headed back to the corridor, trying her hardest to conceal the newfound pep in her step.   
  
  
  
~*~   
  
  
  


Finn wiped the sweat off his forehead, surveying the scene around him. Finally, they’d made it to the capital. The invasion had taken over a month, far longer than they had expected. The First Order on Garel had been deeply entrenched, holding tight to the planet even as its outlying cells fell. BB-8 chirped a greeting to someone behind Finn. He turned to see Major Connix approaching, dirty and tired, but seemingly uninjured from the long campaign. She’d been on the planet’s surface since the beginning, keeping the companies of soldiers and pilots in communication with each other. Finn had started at their tiny command post on the nearby planet of Oon. After a short time, however, Finn joined the ground forces as they gained enough ground to base their operations on Garel itself as they pushed toward Garel City. 

“Are you all right?” Finn asked Kaydel. He hadn’t seen her for weeks, just heard her over his comm. 

“I’m great. Is Rose okay? I haven’t found her yet. ” Rose and Kaydel had been separated for almost the whole campaign. Finn and Poe on the other hand had, at least, been able to stay close to each other for the first half before the starfighters separated from Finn and Rose’s ground forces to attack from different sides. 

“She’s fine. I think she went to go check the fleet. Hey, listen, have you seen—” Kaydel cut him off, knowing what he was about to say, a smile on her face. She pointed to the X-Wing that was landing at the edge of the small town square. Finn would’ve known that starfighter anywhere, especially with R2-D2 on the back of it. He jogged toward the craft, BB-8 keeping pace behind him. The cockpit opened and Poe climbed out, flight knapsack over one shoulder, sliding to the ground. As he set down his bag and removed his helmet, he spotted Finn coming toward him, and his face beamed. 

Finn ran into Poe’s arms, their lips meeting hot and hard. Adrenaline still coursed through their veins from battle. Poe was a great pilot, but every time he flew, there was a risk he wouldn’t come back. Finn knew Poe worried about him the same way, fighting on the ground. Before the battle started, they promised each other they wouldn’t take any superfluous chances, even though it went against their very nature. Finn held onto Poe, kissing him passionately until they were interrupted by a disgruntled beeping sound at their feet. 

They broke apart and looked down. BB-8 was nudging Poe’s foot and beeping at him insistently, clearly annoyed at having been overlooked. Poe laughed heartily and knelt in front of the droid, running his hands over him affectionately. “You know I could never forget about you, buddy. I missed having you fly with me, but Finn needed your help down here. Thank you for watching his back for me. Would you mind following up with the other pilots and reporting back to me? I’d like to assess everyone’s status before we decide our next steps.” The droid whirred and rolled away, obviously glad for the opportunity to make his owner proud. 

Finn turned to find the mission’s surviving Resistance members milling about the square. He knew they’d taken losses but, thankfully, most of them had made it to Garel City. Various teams were already surveying streets, ensuring civilians were safe, and checking for any troopers that may have been hiding within the city limits. Poe rose back to his feet and enveloped Finn in a hug. “I missed you,” he breathed.

“I missed you, too,” Finn whispered, choked up. He’d worried the separation throughout this mission would be hard on Poe. Since they’d been together, Poe had been taking much better care of himself. He’d cut back his drinking and finally found some peace in spite of the trauma he’d gained from the war. So, naturally, Finn had fretted the entire time they’d been apart, scared Poe would end up back in that dark place, that he would regress and fall into old habits. But he was here, strong as ever, as Finn held him tight and kissed him again, reassuring himself that this was real, that he and Poe had made it back to each other.

“Are you both quite done?” Rose came up behind them, her hand in Kaydel’s. 

“I suppose so,” Poe replied, planting one last kiss on Finn’s cheek. He took a deep breath and rolled his shoulders, a physical communication that he was getting back to business. “We need to make sure we got the last of the First Order officials out, so they can’t just regroup and take the power back when we leave. Have we discovered where the First Order’s leadership was based?” 

Kaydel nodded her head toward a nearby building. “That should be it,” she said. 

A commotion suddenly caught their attention. Chewbacca was loping toward them, bowcaster in hand, followed by Wedge Antilles. Chewie had taken some convincing to leave Rey on base without them, but Finn had pleaded with the Wookiee, stressing how much they needed his help. Chewie finally agreed when Poe got Norra to promise that she’d check on Rey multiple times every day while they were gone. He came to help with the final step of the invasion, but only on the condition that he be allowed to fly the Falcon with Wedge, so he could contact Rey through the comm system whenever he felt the need to. 

“Everything is squared away on our end,” Wedge panted as Chewie roared a greeting. “How are all of you managing?” 

“Fine,” Finn answered. “Listen, can you both keep an eye on this main square? Watch for troopers or trouble. We are going to find the last of the First Order. The faster we do that, the faster we get back to Norra and Rey.” Chewie howled his approval as he and Wedge took up position near the edge of the square. Poe retrieved his blaster from his X-Wing and slung his bag onto his back. 

“Let’s go.” He led them to the building’s door, pressing one ear to it. “Sounds clear, but be vigilant. We can’t let them take us by surprise.” Finn would never get used to what a strong, sure leader Poe turned out to be… or how attractive it was. Poe drew his blaster and opened the door with his shoulder, Finn and the others following his lead. The building was deserted, almost eerily so, but it didn’t look like there had been an evacuation. Everything was still in its place, completely orderly, but no one was there. Poe quietly gestured toward the doors off the main hall, and they fanned out, inspecting each one. 

“Clear.”

“Clear.” 

“Clear.” 

“Clear. Upstairs, do you think?” Finn asked. He was becoming unnerved by the silence. They crept into a bank of elevators, selecting one to board. The building only had three floors.

“Rose, Kaydel, do you want to sweep floor two? Finn and I can sweep three.” Poe whispered as they rode upstairs. The girls nodded and slunk off the elevator as the doors opened. Finn and Poe waited with baited breath as the elevator made its way to the third floor. Poe kept his blaster pointed at the door as it opened, but this hall was also deserted. He and Finn began to check door after door, calling to each other once they’d confirmed they were clear. 

“Is it all deserted?” Poe asked. Finn frowned. Something didn’t feel right. He walked towards the last room, peering inside. Against the back wall, there was the outline of another door. It would have been easy to miss but for the faint light spilling from under it. Finn jerked his head toward the door. 

“Rose? Kaydel? Come up to the third floor. We found something.” Poe whispered into his comm link, joining Finn. They waited silently, blasters at the ready until the women joined them. Poe slipped off his pack and addressed the group. “Kaydel, watch our backs. Finn and I will cover. Rose, on my signal, can you get that door open?” Rose nodded to Poe and holstered her weapon as she moved forward to examine the door. Both men aimed their guns at the door in front of them as Kaydel aimed hers back to the hallway. They all seemed to hold their breath, trying desperately to hear what was happening inside.

“Of course, I’m not worried,” a voice was saying. “The Resistance barely survived after our triumph on Crait. Now that the princess is finally dead…” Finn saw Poe stiffen across from him and nod to Rose to open the door. Finn expected Rose to pick the lock, or disable an electronic system. Instead she kicked the door with all her might and it popped open. She stepped back as Finn and Poe rushed in. 

“HANDS UP,” they shouted together. Gathered around the table were three people in First Order uniforms, two men and a woman. They sat in stunned silence, unmoving. 

“I said hands up,” Finn snarled at them. All three slowly complied, putting their hands in the air. “All right, stand up. Slowly. Face the wall. Hands behind your heads.” 

“Rose, frisk ‘em,” Poe said, taking his bag from her as he entered the room. Finn flicked his blaster to stun. No need to kill anyone who might be able to give them information. Rose began to check them for weapons, but one of the men took his chance, ramming his elbow into her face. Rose yelped in pain and fell to her knees as Finn pulled the trigger, dropping the man to the floor, stunned. 

“Rose!” Kaydel yelled from the door, still not abandoning her post. “Are you okay?” 

“She’s gonna have a black eye and be sore, but she’s okay,” Poe called back as Rose tried to regain her breath. Poe pulled three sets of binders from his bag, first cuffing the man on the floor. He then relieved the other two of their weapons and restrained them as well. 

“Is anyone else in here?” Finn asked the man who remained standing. 

“No. The rest thought they were heroes and joined the fight,” he sneered. 

A noise in the corner of the room startled them. A little girl, a toddler really, stood there, wide eyed and frightened. She was in a ragged dress and was sucking her thumb. “Who is she?” Poe snapped at the woman. “Why do you have a child here? Is she yours?” 

“ _ No _ .” The woman scoffed. “Her parents were trying to start a rebellion. We killed them. We thought she might be useful, so we’ve had her for months. But she’s stupid. Doesn’t even speak.” Poe silenced the woman with a raised hand. 

“Rose, if you’re okay, can you and Kaydel take the prisoners outside? We’ll comm someone to get the stunned one,” Poe resolved. The prisoners were marched out. Poe turned and knelt near the little girl. She shrunk back farther in the corner. He handed his blaster to Finn. 

“Hey,” Poe said in a soft voice, the kind Finn had heard him use on Rey when she was sick. “My name is Poe. I know you’re scared, but I’m gonna help you. I’m gonna take you somewhere safe. Can I do that? Will you go with me?” The little girl’s eyes filled with tears and her lip trembled, but she walked out to Poe. He scooped her up, and she buried her head in his shoulder, trying to hide from her fears. “That’s it,” he said, rubbing her back. “Let’s get you out of here.” 

Finn trailed after them, gun still drawn as he followed Poe to the elevators, then outside. Wedge and Chewie met them at the door. ‘“Who’s that?” Wedge inquired, staring at the child in Poe’s arms. 

“An orphan they were keeping. Probably wanted a servant. Can you take her to medical?” Wedge put out his arms but the little girl cried harder and clung to Poe’s neck. The message was loud and clear. “Shhh,” Poe soothed. “You’re okay, sweetie, I won’t leave you.”

Finn was astounded. He knew Poe was much more caring than his flyboy persona led people to believe, but Finn had never seen him around children. He could feel a smile creeping onto his face as he watched Poe and the girl. “Wedge,” Poe said, “change of plans. Can you fly my X-Wing back to base when you’re done here? It’d be a long way to ask Artoo to fly alone. That way I can take her to medical myself.” Chewbacca bayed a question. 

“Bring the Falcon to us, Chewie. The commanders can finish up here. Once she’s cleared by medical, I need you to fly me, Finn, and the little one home.” Wedge and Chewie nodded, then headed off to prepare for their assigned duties. “Can you check in with the officers, Finn?” Poe asked quietly. “I just don’t want to leave her… she’s been through a lot… they probably killed her parents in front of her.” 

Finn didn’t say a word. He simply kissed Poe on the cheek, stroked the little girl’s hair as he smiled at her, and hurried away. No one needed to know that the general was near tears from seeing how much his boyfriend cared for an orphaned child.    
  
  
  


~*~   
  
  
  


Poe felt the Millenium Falcon come out of lightspeed on its descent to Ajan Kloss. Finally, they were almost back to base. They were almost home. He had spent the hours of their trip holding the little girl while she slept or walking the Falcon’s halls, bouncing her on his hip and making her giggle to pacify her when she cried. The only unoccupied medical droid on Garel had examined her briefly, though only from a distance. She shrieked whenever it got too close. The droid told Poe that she was a female human, about 4 years old, and appeared to be without major injuries, though malnourished and exhausted. He’d immediately taken her to the Falcon, where she wolfed down a ration bar so fast Poe wondered when her last square meal was. She’d fallen asleep in his arms then as they waited for the others and ended up staying there the whole trip, not wanting anyone else near her. She was enchanted by BB-8, however, who beeped and rolled about the ship to check on everyone. 

Once the ship had landed, Finn appeared from the cockpit. Chewie only needed a co-pilot for takeoff and landing, he’d insisted. Poe was pretty sure this insistence from the Wookiee had to do with the fact that Finn was a terrible pilot, despite the lessons he’d been given. But it also meant Finn was able to get some rest on the way home. At least, he would be able to think straight where Poe couldn’t. Poe’s arms were aching from holding the girl so long, but every time Finn had approached, silently offering to take her, he shook his head. He couldn’t hand her off to anyone yet, not even Finn. So instead, Finn helped by grabbing Poe’s bag for him as they slowly made their way down the Falcon’s boarding ramp. 

Poe hadn’t known what to expect when they arrived. Rey and Norra were standing in the landing zone waiting for them. Norra’s eyes widened with fright as she took stock of who was coming off the ship. “Wedge is fine!” Poe was quick to reassure her, lifting a placating hand. “I had to come back quickly with this little one, so he and Artoo will be bringing my X-Wing back for me. Karé is fine, too. She flew like a champion.” He smiled at her gently.

Poe could feel Norra’s relief as she returned his smile and hurried away. Rey still had a far away look in her eyes but was studying the child Poe was carrying with great interest. Chewie offered Rey a muted greeting, not wanting to startle the little girl. Rey turned to give Chewie a hug, but instead he scooped her up and swung her around. Rey didn’t laugh like she normally did when Chewie was playful, but the ghost of a smile crossed her lips. It made Poe feel the slightest bit better to see it. Rey was still in there. They just had to reach her. Finn gathered Rey into his arms and squeezed her tight. “How are you?” he asked. 

“Fine,” Rey answered, still conserving her words. “You? Rose and Kaydel?” 

“They’ll be back fairly soon. We’re all okay,” Finn replied. 

Rey turned to Poe, focusing on the girl. “Who’s that?”

“I’m not really sure,” Poe confessed. “She’s an orphan. The First Order had her. They said she didn’t talk, and it didn’t seem like they had a name for her.” An idea suddenly struck Poe. “Hey… can you see… if she’s got a name or anything? Like, with the Force?” He wasn’t sure it would work, but if it did, maybe it would be the help they needed to get through to the girl. 

Rey focused on the girl, an expression of great concentration on her face. After a minute, she stopped and shook her head. “Nothing,” she said. “I don’t know if it’s trauma, or if she was just taken in when she was too young to remember. Her parents were killed in front of her, but it was before Starkiller base… She’s been with them a long time.”

Poe nodded. “I’m going to take her to the med bay. We can get her a private room there and, at least, get her healthier.” He tightened his grip, ignoring his screaming muscles. Rey and Finn fell into step behind him. 

It didn’t take much at the medbay to get a private room with a bed and chairs. Poe was finally able to put the little girl down. A medic came in and was able to look her over with only a minimum of whimpers. She confirmed the droid's assessment that the little girl was about 4 years old. She had been mistreated and needed some extra care, but there were no major injuries to her. If Poe could get her to drink and eat, they wouldn’t even need to put her on an IV drip. Finn ran to see if someone could find something for her to wear as Poe worked on getting the girl to drink a hydrating solution the medic gave them. She drained her cup in gulps and Poe felt a flash of anger at the First Order. Who could mistreat a child like this? 

Finn returned with a tray of food from the mess and a shirt from one of the women on base. When they changed her into it, it fell past her knees, but at least it was clean. Rose and Kaydel arrived as the little girl began to devour her food. They both crossed the room to hug Rey before taking seats themselves. 

“What are we going to do with a child?” Kaydel asked, studying the girl in front of them. 

“Take care of her,” Poe answered. “We’ve got enough people on base to help. We couldn’t just leave her there.” 

“I know,” Rose sighed, watching the girl go from eating her food to playing with Poe’s knapsack. 

“What do you have there, sweetheart?” Poe asked her, as she pulled something small and shiny from the bag and began to play with it. He held out his hand, and she dropped the object she’d been fascinated by into it.

“First, more than anything, we should probably give her a name,” Finn said. “I mean if we’re going to keep her around.”

Poe stared at the small metal object in his hand. “We can name her to honor someone we’ve lost,” he said, holding out the small tag. He had carried it with him since the First Order attack on the  _ Raddus _ to remind him of the young pilot they lost. “Tallissan Amilyn. For Tallie and Admiral Holdo.” 

“Tallie,” Finn said, watching as the little girl’s eyes began to droop. “I like that. It suits her.”

Poe nodded, too overwhelmed with emotion to speak. The losses still weighed heavily on him, even those that weren’t his fault. He crossed to the little girl, lifting her into the bed and tucking the covers in around her. “Good night, Tallie,” he whispered, stroking her golden hair.

“Someone has to stay with her,” Kaydel piped up. 

“Maybe I can get Norra—” Poe began.

“I’ll stay with her.”

Everyone jumped. They’d all forgotten Rey was there since she’d been so quiet. “What did you say, honey?” Poe asked, giving himself a moment to consider her offer. He hadn’t expected Rey to want anything to do with the child.

“I’ll stay with her. You all need rest. I’ll be fine. And yes, Rose, that means you should go stay in Kaydel’s room.”

Finn and Rose stared at Rey incredulously. They hadn’t heard her put that many words together since she’d come back from Tatooine. Poe chose his words carefully. “If you’d be willing to, honey, that’d be great. I’m dead tired. If you need a break or anything, you know where to find us.”

Rey nodded silently. Rose and Kaydel murmured goodbyes, then headed off to bed. “Are you sure you’ll be all right?” Finn asked Rey. She nodded at him, and he gave her a hug. Poe kissed Rey’s forehead before they left. 

Finn volunteered to stop by the situation room to let Commander D’Acy know they had returned. Poe was thankful. He didn’t know how many hours he’d been without sleep now, but it was a lot. He stripped off his dirty flight suit, deciding against getting in the ‘fresher. Poe didn’t need to fall asleep standing up. He’d deal with that later. He crawled under the covers in his undershirt and shorts. He was barely awake when Finn got under the covers with him and pulled him close. Garel was liberated. For the first time in weeks, Poe felt safe as he drifted off to sleep.    
  
  
  
~*~   
  
  
  


_ Ahsoka looks between Ben and Luke as they sit there in silence for a moment that seems to stretch eternally. The two men continue to stare at each other, unmoving and dumbstruck by each other’s presence. Ben isn’t sure he can formulate words, isn’t sure his tongue still maintains the muscle memory that will allow him to speak with his mind flabbergasted as it is. He  _ wants  _ to speak, wants to open up a dialogue that’s been nearly ten years in the making, but… seeing his uncle now, having turned back to the Light, he’s overwhelmed by memories and emotions that he’d pushed out of his mind for so long, thoughts and feelings directly associated with the trauma he wanted to leave behind and grow beyond.  _

_ What he didn’t understand, though, was his uncle’s trepidation. His uncle had been so bold on Crait, entirely unafraid of confronting him, unafraid of apologizing and acknowledging his failings in training Ben. What had changed? _

_ With a start, Ben realizes the difference which mutes his uncle now, which shames him into reluctance: he’d given up on Ben back then. Luke had stopped believing that Ben could be saved when they’d fought on Crait. He wasn’t just confessing to Ben, he was saying goodbye. At this moment, knowing he’d been wrong, that he’d given up and been blind to the hope that still lingered for Ben, Luke is contrite and unsure of himself, unsure of what he could say to make up for that.  _

_ Which means it’s up to Ben. It’s up to him to be honest this time and  _ open _ in a way he could never be with his uncle before. Easier said than done. _

_ Ben isn’t sure how long they end up staring at one another in the quiet, but it must be an unsuitably long time for Ahsoka because she shoots up off the bench in a huff, crossing her arms and scowling at them both. “Look, you idiots, as much as I’d love to spend all of time waiting around for one of you to grow a spine, I don’t fancy being stuck here in the place that reminds me of when my best friend murdered me. So, one of you’d better start talking, or I’ll start interpreting your facial expressions and speaking for both of you. I  _ will  _ make it weird.” _

_ Luke scoffs at her, indignant, although clearly used to this sort of verbal lashing from the Togruta. Ben, on the other hand, unsuccessfully attempts to stifle his laughter. She turns her scowl on him directly, and he clears his throat, a smile playing at his lips. Then, she sardonically waves an open hand at the ground in front of her, an invitation to take the floor and kick-start the uncomfortable yet inevitable proceedings. Ben nods at her, accepting, and she winks at him before stepping away to give them some semblance of privacy. _

Here goes nothing,  _ Ben thinks. He looks at his uncle, whose eyes are already meeting his, and pats the bench next to himself. He turns to face forward, finding a particularly interesting doorway glowing in the distance. As he examines it, tilting his head and squinting to make out the symbols tracing its border, he feels his uncle’s weight come down on the bench. Luke sits down backwards, facing the opposite direction of Ben. Ben isn’t sure why, but this seating position feels less intimate somehow, so he appreciates it. It gives him more space to say what he needs to say. _

_ He takes a cleansing breath and considers where to begin. What does he want his uncle to know? “Luke…” he sighs, his breath catching on a tremble. “I—” His voice is fully quavering now, but he has to push through. “I just want you to know that I love you, that I always have. Even after I believed you wanted to… Well, even after that. I was glad to be trained by you, to be raised by you. I was happy with the life I had, no matter how much I missed the life I’d had before it. And I’m—” Ben suddenly sniffles, not realizing that he’d begun to cry. He composes himself before continuing, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t strong enough to block out the voices, that I let their words rot me from the inside. I’m sorry I tried to hurt you, but mostly, I’m sorry that I  _ did  _ hurt you. I spent thirteen years of my life in your care, and that time meant more to me than I’ll ever be able to express to you because I just… I don’t know how. Yes, I was angry at you, but more than that, my heart was  _ broken _. The greater the distance between us became, the greater the distance became between me and myself, everything that makes me who I am. My broken heart became my weakness, so I removed it and thought I could pretend it wasn’t there, but I knew that it hadn’t disappeared simply for my removing it. No, it sent its many pieces out to you, to my mother, to my father, to Chewie, and to Lando… It sought out those who would encourage it to heal, whether they knew it or not. Sure, Rey saved me, but there would have been nothing left to save if my family hadn’t held onto me throughout the time when I was lost. That includes you, Luke. I love you  _ so  _ much. You have to know that. If you believe nothing else, believe that.” _

_ Ben is still facing forward, having remained that way for the duration of his monologuing. It’s easier that way, to not see Luke’s reaction to his words as he utters them. Ben is sure if he had, he would’ve misinterpreted Luke’s every movement and expression and been embarrassed into silence, giving up on the conversation. He would never have gotten all that out. But he did. And it felt good. _

_ After Ben finishes speaking, Luke heaves a massive sigh, a sigh that sounds of regret and shame and deep sorrow. But when he responds, Ben is surprised by the direction his words take. “I never knew if I wanted a family of my own or not. There were so many paths my life could have taken, so many different ways my future could have turned out. I could have given up being a Jedi and allowed the Jedi Order to pass into obscurity, become nothing but a memory. I could have, instead, found someone to make a life with, have a family with. Obviously, I didn’t.” He huffs a laugh. “There was too much pressure on me as the only trained Force user in the galaxy to begin cultivating that connection and training other users. It was a time of restoration, not just for the government, but the galaxy as a whole and the Force itself. If I could have left that restoration up to someone else, I might have, but I knew I couldn’t. The legacy of the Jedi was on my shoulders and, I didn’t feel right ignoring that because it was my father’s legacy. It was my mentors’ legacy. I felt I would be letting them down if I didn’t rebuild the Jedi. _

_ “So, the chance for a family of my own came and went. And I’m still not sure if that’s something I actually wanted or not, but Ben… when I held you the first time, I realized I didn’t  _ need  _ one. Loving you would be plenty.” He finally lifts his head, turning to face Ben, and Ben feels his heart constricting within himself as if it’s being wrung out for all it’s worth. Luke gently places his hand on Ben’s shoulder, looking into his eyes and smiling wearily. “I’m sorry I didn’t do any of it right. You’re right when you say that you spent those years in my care. I was supposed to take care of you, and I didn’t do it properly. But, I did try, Ben. I tried, and I failed. In so many ways.” The hand that’s on Ben’s shoulder lightly squeezes, bolstering him. It feels like Luke is trying to physically sink his words in, to make sure they reach Ben, to make sure Ben believes them. And he does. “I had to forgive myself for that, for my failure. You’ll have to do the same and, hopefully, a lot faster than I did.”  _

_ “Uncle Luke, Palpatine started speaking to me as Snoke when I was so young. I thought he was my friend. I thought that I could trust him. I didn’t realize the path I was on until it was too late, and—” _

_ “I know, kid. We all know that now.” _

_ “You do?” _

_ “Of course. And we’ve already forgiven you.” _

_ Ben raises his eyebrows, incredulous. “You have?” _

_ Luke lowers his hand off of Ben’s shoulder and places it back in his lap. He smirks. “It’s easy when you love someone.” Ben furrows his brow, unsure of what this implies for him, for his future. Luke must notice his confusion because he speaks again, “Do you love yourself, Ben? Can you? That’s the only way you’ll find the forgiveness you truly need.” _

_ Ben’s brow remains knit as he ponders this. He hadn’t put much thought into this particular idea, forgiving himself. He’d only contemplated his future in the context of how it related to everyone else around him. He’d been so worried about the possibility of going back and falling to Darkness again, that he might hurt more innocent people, he hadn’t thought of whether or not he could go without hurting himself and forsake his self-loathing. He can’t remember the last time he had a kind thought to spare for himself, the last time he felt good about himself. Even on Exegol, he’d saved Rey because he believed she deserved to live more than he did. Sure, he’d done something good, but it was predicated on the fact that he felt himself unworthy, of lesser value. Could he see himself any other way? He isn’t sure. But there’s one thing he  _ is  _ sure of: “I love Rey.” _

_ Luke chuckles at him, rolling his eyes fondly. “Well, l suppose that loving someone else is a good start, especially if you love them enough to die for them. But it’s a lot harder to love someone enough to  _ live  _ for them. That goes double for people with notoriously low self-esteem and a habit of finding themselves in life-or-death situations.” Ben truly laughs at that, full body, head tilted back, eyes wrinkled shut. He realizes it’s the first time he’s laughed like that in… Well, in  _ years _.  _

_ “I honestly don’t know, Luke, but for her? I’m willing to try.” _

_ Luke nods in understanding. “I love you, too, by the way. And I’m going to miss you when you go back to the Living Force.” He winks at Ben.  _

_ Ben still isn’t sure he’s going back, but he’s becoming increasingly amused by everyone else’s certainty that he will. _

_ “Are you two done yet? Have you learned the virtues of actively communicating with people and the positive effects it can have on your relationship with them?” Ahsoka is walking back towards where they’re sat on the bench, her arms crossed and a self-congratulatory grin stretching across her face.  _

_ Luke rolls his eyes in that fond way again, the way that says he loves someone but also finds them insufferable. Strange as it may sound, Ben’s grateful to be on the receiving end of it. It’s… familiar. “We are. Now, if it’s all right with the both of you, I’m going to step out and invite someone else to visit with my nephew.” Ahsoka and Ben look at each other, then shrug simultaneously, nodding their assent. And with that, Luke takes his leave of them. _

_ Despite not truly knowing Ahsoka and only having just met her, he doesn’t feel uncomfortable being left here alone with her. She’s friendly and warm and open. She’s easy to talk to because she doesn’t take herself too seriously. He can see why so many of his loved ones admire her. She joins him on the bench again. “Okay, what is it?” _

_ “What are you talking about?” _

_ “You’ve got this look on your face like you’re just  _ dying  _ to ask me something.” _

_ Ben looks around where they are and goes over the conversations he’s had since he arrived here. “Where… Where have they been all this time? The Jedi, that is. Why is this the first time some of them are reaching out to me? It took years for me to finally fall to the Darkness. Surely, they must have sensed the conflict in me or had an idea of what could happen. Was there nothing they could do to help me?” _

_ Ahsoka purses her lips and shakes her head. A dark chuckle escapes her lips. “They can be…  _ deadly  _ slow on the uptake, kid. Believe me, I would know.” He tilts his head, curious. “I was your grandfather’s padawan during the Clone Wars. It was a time of great turmoil and, oftentimes, it was hard to tell friend from foe. There was a suspect who bombed a temple, and I thought… I feared a Jedi had been acting on behalf of the Separatists, on behalf of the Sith. When the bomber was taken into custody, she requested an audience with me. She told me that it was a Jedi who’d arranged the bombing, but before she could elaborate… she was killed in front of me. Everyone assumed I’d killed her, and they refused to hear my explanations. I tried to run but was eventually caught. The Jedi council tried me before I faced a military tribunal. The Galactic Senate had requested that I be expelled from the Jedi Order, and… the council complied with their request.  _

_ “Your grandfather was furious.” She smiles at this. “He still believed me when I told him I was innocent. The rest of the Jedi didn’t. So, I was expelled. Then came time for the tribunal. While I was cross-examined, your grandfather was out looking for the real culprit, looking for evidence of the truth. And he found it. Just as the tribunal was about to convict me, Anakin showed up and revealed what had really happened, revealed the Jedi who’d arranged the bombing and killed the would-be bomber in our custody. The Jedi offered for me to return to the order, but I couldn’t. They’d had no faith in me. Before I was cleared, when everyone assumed me to be a criminal, I felt completely abandoned by the Jedi. I didn’t want to associate myself with an institution that was capable of that. _

_ “Your grandfather wasn’t furious this time. He was… hurt. Deeply hurt. I had felt abandoned by the Jedi, and now he felt abandoned by me. Sometimes, I wish I’d accepted their offer. I wonder if it would have made enough of a difference to…” She sighs, drained by the story. _

_ Ben knows what she means. She wonders if staying would have saved his grandfather from becoming a Sith. Ben also knows how painful it is to be tormented by “what if’s” such as that. He knows how painful it is to feel abandoned, too. He reaches out and takes Ahsoka’s hand, unafraid that she’ll reject the consolation. She doesn’t even flinch. _

_ She lifts her gaze from her lap to Ben’s eyes. “Anyway, the point of that boring story is that I know what it’s like to wonder why the Jedi didn’t try harder to help you. And I don’t have a good answer to that question, not for you or for myself. But I know that the Jedi are good and want to do good, even if they realize too late where that good is needed most. Maybe, when you go back, you can make the Jedi into something better because you’ll know better. You  _ and _ Rey.” She bumps her shoulder up against Ben’s playfully, and he laughs, genuinely, for the second time. He’s waking up. _

_ He bumps Ahsoka’s shoulder in retaliation as he says, “Yeah… maybe.” _

_ She jumps back up again after that, yawning and stretching her arms up into the air. “Well, I’d better get going. You don’t need me here getting in the way of the awkward introductions and conversations yet to come. Good luck back in the world of the living, kid. Second time’s the charm.” She winks at him one last time before bounding away. She turns back just as she’s about to return to the Cosmic Force, and he waves goodbye. She waves back, and then she’s gone, too. And he’s alone again. But surely not for long. _

_ As if on cue, a throat clears behind him. He stands and whirls, taken off guard. There are two men standing before him. They’re both in Jedi robes, the same as Qui-Gon and Yoda had been. One of them is visibly older than the other, his hair gone white, and his face covered in a full beard. The other is younger, clean-shaven, closer to Ben’s age if he had to guess. He has longer, shaggy hair also similar to Ben’s, though not quite so dark a brown as his.  _

_ The older man must be the one who’d cleared his throat because he walks up to Ben and speaks first, offering his hand in greeting, “Would you believe me if I told you it’s nice to meet you?” There’s a charming wisdom in his voice, an intelligence barely masking an easy charisma. _

_ “I wouldn’t believe it if anyone told me that, but I’ve been hearing it more and more lately, so perhaps hearing it once again from you might finally convince me.” The older man huffs a laugh as Ben accepts his greeting and shakes his hand. Ben continues, “You must be…?” _

_ “Obi Wan Kenobi. But some knew me as Ben once upon a time.” _

_ Ben’s heart nearly stops. “You’re… You’re him?” _

_ Obi Wan’s face lights up with mirth. “I suppose I am.” _

_ The younger man still stands back, having been suspiciously quiet throughout Ben and Obi Wan’s introduction. Obi Wan notices Ben taking in the sight of the younger Jedi and turns to gesture at the man, waving him over. With obvious reluctance, the man glides their way. As he gets closer, Ben feels as if he recognizes him but has no clue as to where from. The man is staring at Ben, giving him the once-over before stopping to meet his eyes. The man looks…  _ happy _. He looks so happy to see Ben, a brilliant and pleased smile on his face. But he doesn’t speak, still too hesitant, perhaps… too afraid? Why would he be afraid of Ben? _

_ Ben’s mind races. Maybe he isn’t afraid of Ben in and of himself, but afraid of Ben’s reaction to him. Maybe he’s afraid of Ben’s disapproval or rejection. But why? _

_ Impatient, Obi Wan finally groans and turns back to Ben. He lifts a hand, presenting the younger man. “Ben, it’s my pleasure to introduce you to your grandfather, Anakin Skywalker.” _


End file.
